Or so they say…..
I could really quite fancy a holiday….blue seas…sun…sand….
ANYWAY there are no holidays on the cards here but I think we can do the change bit or try and see how we get on at least.
Dear funny, talented , witty, gorgeous readers of my blog,
I spoke a few weeks ago about how a break from blogging taught me a thing or two and since then I’ve written a little bit here and there but nothing that felt very *twatty phrase alert* authentic to this blog. It’s been safe and guarded and I just don’t think that’s what people are looking for when they read my blog.
Someone once commented that they felt like reading my blog was like having a cup of tea with an old friend. I really liked the thought of that. My blog has always been somewhere I’ve come and just opened the floodgates between what’s in my mind and what comes out in words on the page. I write how I speak , I like the chatty (waffly) vibe this blog has. I was challenged on Twitter this week to do an exercise where I had to write and edit a post in 20 minutes, it’s here if you fancy a read. What I got from that exercise was a reminder of how much I like just opening my mind and seeing what comes out.
When people ask me what I blog about I kind of ummmm and ahhh and talk of how it started life as a blog about life after abuse but evolved. It’s a mum blog…maybe with a twist .
Over the past year , or more likely two actually, it’s evolved yet again. It’s more about me (bloody egotist!) The kids are that much older than they were when I began to write and I think I’ve covered most all I could say about parenting. Tales and posts about the kids have become less and posts about me , about feminism, about mental health and discovering who you are when your children get older are my mainstay now I think.
Added to this I had some Twitter nastiness of late. My blog was discovered by someone who took against me telling my story and took to my Twitter to express this. Unfortunately this compromised our anonymity somewhat. This blog isn’t absolutely anonymous of course as it once was but I keep away from surnames , I rarely use the kids names as I’m mindful they may not want their pals to come across a sloppy love letter written to them by their mum.
I’m feeling lately with all this happening I’ve been self censoring a lot , I’ve not been expressing myself and really if I’m going to do that I may as well delete the blog and start up a generic one that isn’t full of my waffle and too many exclamation marks. Except the reason I blog is because it’s therapeutic to me . Telling my stories , giving my opinions , occupying this little spot on the internet have become really quite important to me silly as that may sound.
So I’ve reached the conclusion that writing about the kids should probably take a bit of a back seat and my blog maybe should just continue to be what it has organically evolved to be over the past couple of years. To be the wafflings of a woman hurtling towards 40 at breakneck speed . A mum whose children are much older now and she’s trying to work out where she fits in the world. The feminist , the abuse survivor , the woman with mental health struggles , who loves a solo date ( can even handle an accompanied one these days – who saw that coming ?) Just really a woman who no longer has little kids , who is trying to figure out who she is when she’s not being mum.
Would that be ok ?*
*Please don’t desert me I loooovvvee you all too much!!!!
* and this from the woman who a few years ago couldn’t even say the L word
*I’ve gotten softer yet more needy as the years have gone by