A love letter to mum bloggers…

 

Dear Mummy Bloggers ,

 

After the vileness of THAT ridiculous article by Anna May Mangan about how we are bringing the country to its knees with our gin soaked potato waffles ( oo wonder if that could work!) in that horrific newspaper that the devil would be proud of I felt compelled to tell you all how much I bloody love you.

 

 

As a mum blogger I love my little blog. I like having a little corner of the internet that’s mine. I’m proud of my blog too. Blogging makes me brave enough to share my thoughts in public . I’m grateful to my blog for being part of a really helpful therapy.

 

 

Do you know what I like more though?

 

Your blogs.

 

I love reading your blogs , I love sharing them , I love finding a brand new blog then bingeing ( that spike in your views where you panic someone is reading everything you’ve ever written …that’s probably me!)

 

 

My favourites being those of you who bite the bullet and write really honestly about the realities of motherhood. Strangely I take it as a given that you all love your kids to pieces , I take it that we all know how lucky we are to have created actual humans who get to share our lives with . I don’t assume unless I see #blessed on your social media you’re just not that fond of them!

Reading your blogs full of love and joy and happiness is uplifting . Finding an idea for a new day out by reading reviews on your blog is really helpful.

When you share with us though , quite often in a raw manner , that sometimes you struggle. When you comment on how bloody hard this parenting lark can be. That some days it all feels impossible. That’s so very important too.

 

 

Parenting can be isolating . It’s terrifying. It’s so much harder having to deal with the constant feeling of being judged whether that’s by the woman tutting in the supermarket , your mother in law , your ex partner or a bloody national newspaper.

 

 

For an ordinary mum having one of those impossible days. Maybe she’s not seen another adult in a week. Maybe she’s exhausted and desperate and feels like this mummy gig is just too tough for her. Maybe she feels like a failure and is too worried to reach out in case everyone else agrees she’s a useless mother.

Well your blogs help save their sanity.

Maybe this tired mum comes across your blogs on an impossible day. Reads that other mums out there have had impossible days , that it’s normal , that she is not the only one. That she is not in fact a failure but a member of a massive club. A club full of women who have impossible days sometimes fish fingers and gin and all. That can feel like the biggest relief , the weight of the world falling from your shoulders. It’s a comfort to know that sometimes impossible days are followed by magical days. It’s a comfort that there are women out there who you can identify with and communicate with and that it’s ok to find it tough.

 

 

You’re not just a sanity saver though mum bloggers. You’re entertainment.

 

There are some supremely talented writers out there.

 

Blogging is not merely a load of self indulgent mums having a moan. So many topics are covered in this umbrella of the ‘mum blog’ Inspirational , moving writing covering heavy topics. Racism , mental health ,divorce, politics , feminism , abuse , grief all covered in various of your blogs I’ve read and written well. These are not just fluffy headed women half drunk on their 11am gin indulgently bleating about how shit it is to be a mum despite what the Daily Mail think. I’m unsure the writer of this particular piece has ever really read much of your work.

 

 

You’re funny too , so funny!! Your witty , intelligent writing can cheer up a miserable grey day!

 

 

So sneer all you want Daily Mail. You hate women as it is , of course you’ll feel threatened by a group of them who don’t behave as you think they should. Who build women up, who stand in solidarity with one another. Female empowerment was never really going to be your thing though. We’ve seen your poking fun at unflattering bikini shots and your misogynist headlines. To be frank some of the pieces I’ve been unlucky enough to come across from your ‘newspaper’ are nothing short of a hate crime .

 

Well love wins over hate.

 

Mum bloggers I bloody love you!!!

 

Kelly xxx

 

Follow @daydreamer_mum

 

 

          Mummy Times Two

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Practical ways I tell my anxiety to keep away!

Anxiety sucks.

 

It can turn your average day into an overthought , catastrophizing nightmare.

 

I don’t have the cure I’m afraid .

 

I’ve read all the info , I know exercise , good nights sleep , healthy food and not drinking wine or overdosing on chocolate are what I’m meant to be doing to keep anxiety at bay. Not much fun though are they?

 

I can’t run when I’ve convinced myself I’m going to faint at any minute …and probably on the road…then I’ll get run over and killed… and then what will the kids do….Yes that’s my actual thought process during an anxious moment. Total pain in the arse.

 

I’ve never managed to stop that horrific pain through my stomach and my face going numb by eating kale.

 

How the hell am I meant to get a good nights sleep when I can barely breathe with the panic?

 

 

I know these tips are the sensible ones. Sometimes a run does blast away the panic , sometimes a long sleep stops the overthinking.

 

 

Over the years though  , I’ve gotten to grips with my anxiety to an extent. It’s personal to me and I know how to nip an episode in the bud quite often , I know how to calm myself . They may sound a bit odd but anxiety is a personal thing , there’s no one size fits all solution. Maybe some of mine may work for you . Here’s how I tell anxiety to just p**s off!!!

 

 

Phone calls to my sister.

If I’m feeling a bit wobbly , or I feel unsettled this is my go to activity. Chat , especially idle gossip and thoughtless chat is a distraction. Add to that my sisters familiar voice and calms me down.

I’m not suggesting you all ring my sister when you’re panicky , though as I always say if I could clone her I’d give you all a copy – she’s ace!!

Maybe if you have someone with whom you can partake in chit chat as a distraction though , a familiar voice , a calming influence though this could work for you .

 

Monday vlog indulgence

Could be a bit niche this one …stay with me.

Monday’s are always a pain in the bum aren’t they? A good start to a week though can do wonders for my head. I also love a vlog , I’m a blogger , I’m nosy why wouldn’t I?

Starting the week by watching Marian Keyes weekly vlog sets me up nicely for the week . She’s funny , she’s engaging, she’s pretty , she’s smiley ( I’m pretty sure the accent helps too) I am a big fan of her books and she’s a bit of a Twitter crush of mine if truth be told. Being told stories is another on the anxiety cheat sheet and well ,  Marian is as fab at telling stories verbally as she is writing them down. The vlogs start my Monday with a smile. In fact I recommend them (  link here : https://www.youtube.com/user/himselfkeyes) to all of you , even if you’re not quite as nutty as me!)

 

 

Joining in with small girl

My 8 year old does everything with zeal. There is no half hearted with her. On a wobbly day , taking a leaf out of her book and just joining in with her is as therapeutic as anything I know.

If it’s feeding the ducks we’re throwing the food as far as we can , if it’s drawing or colouring it takes every bit of focus we have. If it’s dancing it’s with every bit of our body.

It seems when I put my absolute all into any activity it’s really hard for my anxiety to take a grip on my mind.

 

 

Watching stand up

An obvious one really.

From the school of fake it ’till you make it!! If I’m laughing anxiety does not stand a chance.

 

 

Writing

Could be a blog post , could be a letter (yes I still write those – how quaint am I?)

More likely though it’s just a total mind dump into a notebook.

When I am anxious I overthink.

This never ends well for me , especially when it all just swirls around my mind like some kind of brain bothering hurricane. The reason I ever started this blog was because I’ve always found that writing down what bothers me helps . Having a million thoughts whizzing around this head each one causing another hundred in an anxious chain reaction means I’m not going to feel great. Picking up a pen , writing them down uncensored gets the thoughts out of the nutty mind and into a notebook where they become much less powerful. I can see how ridiculous they are written there in black in white.Then I can shut the notebook and walk away. It helps.

 

 

They’re little things , but sometimes little things help.

 

Do you have any little tricks that keep your anxiety in it’s place or that can calm you ?

 

I’d love to hear them.

xxx
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What happens when you step out of your comfort zone

When I decided to make this blog ‘public’ and share it with people who actually know me rather than just let very kind total strangers (hi Twitter people ! you’re obviously not total strangers now!!) read it it took me months to build up the courage.

My blog’s Facebook page was sat there idle with no posts on for weeks. Gradually I started to transfer posts over , waiting for the day I’d be brave enough to press publish.

It doesn’t sound very brave I know , sharing a few hundred words of my thoughts to a few people online. The thing is sharing my feelings doesn’t come very easily to me. In fact that last sentence was THE biggest understatement ever. My personal comfort zone is a one woman closed book emotionally. I find it nigh on impossible to talk about my feelings*shudder*. …even typing that is bringing me out in a rash. My cosy happy place is just drifting through life with no one ever asking me a personal question or asking me how I’m feeling. I’m emotionally uptight and really struggle to express myself about anything meaningful verbally. Writing is a bit different though, always has been. I still write letters for goodness sakes, with handwriting and stamps and everything for exactly that reason.

Whilst I was sharing my stories and thoughts and opinions with strangers it was relatively easy. They didn’t know me and I wasn’t going to bump into them at the shops just after I’d bared my soul so it felt safe. Comfort zone remained mainly in tact. These strangers though were so kind with their words , they told me their stories and I felt like I was maybe even helping a tiny bit in a tiny way.

I was really worried that when I shared my ramblings people would tell me to go away with my egocentric waffling and off the wall punctuation. No one has yet though. Everyone has been so supportive and I’m so grateful.

Since I took the step though. Since I tiptoed out of my comfort zone so many positives have come from it.

My little blog has had way more views than ever before.

This post was on the Mumsnet front page! My writing , that I actually did was up there amongst the proper bloggers.

So I suppose what I’m trying to say is that on this occasion doing something that made me feel a bit uncomfortable and a bit scared turned into a positive thing. Leaving my comfort zone was actually quite empowering!

I’m going to step out of my cosy place more often.

I’m going to force myself to do scary things.

I’m going to dream a bit bigger.

Have a bit more belief in myself.

Of course safe to say I’ll document it all here .After all,the emotionally stifled woman riddled with self doubt and self criticism seems to have been replaced with someone who overshares with the whole internet!

Whoops!

 

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