All posts by Daydreamer mum

About Daydreamer mum

Single mum of 4, bookworm, gin fan, Overuser of exclamation marks, Loves Doctor Who, Write as I speak... A lot of waffle and 80% nonsense. Take a look at my blog covering life after domestic abuse, parenting teens and a littler one and anything else I feel I need to talk about

BlogCrush week 87 – October 12th 2018

HAPPY FRIDAY BLOGCRUSHERS !!

Can I just start this weeks post with a huge THANK YOU to all you gorgeous people for the messages of love and support after my post last week. The online world gets a bad reputation but I’ve seen the lovliest side to it this week. You guys rock!! Ok enough of the slush…an on with the (blog) crush….see what I did there? Must be perking up!

I loved the blogcrush linky waaaaayy before I was part of the team. I love the idea of sharing someone elses fab work as well as your own !!

If it’s your first time here WELCOME!!!!! Have a read through the rules then add your posts!!

#BlogCrush

The Rules

  • Join in with 2 posts:
    • 1 post from your blog (personal) – no linkies please
    • 1 post from someone else’s blog (your #BlogCrush)
  • When you add your BlogCrush (post written by someone else) to the InLinkz form, put “BC” at the beginning of their title
  • Tweet your BlogCrush (& us) to let them know you’ve added them to the linky and share their link (@lucy_at_home and @daydreamer_mum). Please tweet us your own BlogCrush posts too so we can share them for you.
  • Comment using the #BlogCrush hashtag on at least these 4 posts:
    • 1 post from Host 1 (personal or BC)
    • 1 post from Host 2 (personal or BC)
    • 2x personal posts from the rest of the link up

So that’s a minimum of 4 posts.

Don’t forget to add our lovely badge

Lucy At Home Blogcrush Week 68

Lucy At Home

If you’re here because someone has chosen your post as their #BlogCrush then Congratulations to you!! Good job!!
Help yourself to our brilliant badge!!

Lucy At Home Blogcrush Week 68

Lucy At Home

My featured post this week that had me relating and giggling at the same time which is always a good combo
Play date etiquette by dad blog uk

Lucy’s choice was by A Day in the Life by Raisie Bay

My post this week is all about my life long love affair with the library on #nationallibrariesweek

Have a fab week everyone!!

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A 35 year love affair with the library …

It’s National Library week.

I’m a library fan , but this past fortnight I realised that it’s way more than that.

I remember getting my first library card. My cousins took me to the library with them and there it was , my key to books. Loads of books . Any book I wanted I could pick up and take home for a while . I must have only been 3 or 4 but I remember getting that card , the stamp in the book.

As my sister and I got older family trips to the library were a Saturday morning staple. My parents ,my sister and I would head off to the library . We’d be in there ages. There was never any rush and pushing to pick quickly (like my kids have had from me plenty enough times) We’d all be in our separate sections of this quiet ,calm building filled with books. My dad looking for a clever spy novel , mum finding a gruesome horror , little sister finding something ghoulishly funny and me looking for the next author I could discover and binge ! Like a Netflix box set marathon , only with books !!

We’d go do a bit of family visiting then home and we’d all disperse and read . The concept seems quite funny to me now a household of 4 – no TV on , no games consoles just sat with our books and probably a cup of tea.

As years passed and that tradition of a Saturday of ours faded for one reason or another and I became a teenager the library was still a big part of my life (I wasn’t a cool teenager !!). My summer holidays were spent biking to library and back then just sitting on my bed and gorging on Paula Danziger and Judy Blume books . My mum would implore me to get outside for some ‘fresh air’ but I had all I needed. A pile of books ,my brain and my cosy bedroom.

When I had kids of my own the library becomes an exciting trip out – a free exciting trip out ! You can’t argue with that. Before small girl started school we used to go to the library so often we virtually had our own beanbag spot!!

So I’ve always loved the library ,it’s always been a staple in my life. I can almost document my life in books . I remember the books I would get out on a fortnightly basis because I loved them so much I had to read them over and over .

Then the recent dark days in my life happened . Not just a murky grey kind of time but as black as it can get. My mental health took such a crash for a couple of days I could barely speak , I couldn’t think straight certainly. I needed comfort but I didn’t want people. I definitely didn’t want people .

I walked to the library. I don’t really remember the walk for the swirling, crashing ,jumbling of thoughts going on in my head . I just felt drawn to it .

I walked in , collapsed at one of the desks and just felt calmer . I don’t know if it’s the still quiet of the library (I know you are allowed to talk now but people dont really) or if it was being surrounded by books the one thing I’ve been able to turn to given any mood . Something about sitting there though , in that building , with the smell of books and the quiet whirr of a computer printer and the chairs that have seen better days . Something grounded me a bit , calmed me a little . The whirling in my head slowed to a gentle cycle .

The library is my calm place. Any library , any building filled like that with books and people wanting to read them is good for my soul.

I’m aware that libraries are being shut , and downsized and having their opening hours cut and this angers me and upsets me but that’s a rant for another day.

I’ll just leave you with a quote I read on Twitter by the author Matt Haig

Libraries are and always have been magical to me. A gateway to creativity that doesn’t care how old you are , what race you are ,how rich you are .They just sit there full of all those glorious words , waiting for us to go and discover them.

As the young ‘uns may say . Cool af !!

BlogCrush week 86 – October 5th 2018

Welcome to the weekend!!!

How are we all doing ?? Cosying in for winter or still wistfully daydreaming about our long hot summer. There’s certainly no escaping pumpkins and falling leaves…autumn is most certainly here.

I loved the blogcrush linky waaaaayy before I was part of the team. I love the idea of sharing someone elses fab work as well as your own !!

If it’s your first time here WELCOME!!!!! Have a read through the rules then add your posts!!

#BlogCrush

The Rules

  • Join in with 2 posts:
    • 1 post from your blog (personal) – no linkies please
    • 1 post from someone else’s blog (your #BlogCrush)
  • When you add your BlogCrush (post written by someone else) to the InLinkz form, put “BC” at the beginning of their title
  • Tweet your BlogCrush (& us) to let them know you’ve added them to the linky and share their link (@lucy_at_home and @daydreamer_mum). Please tweet us your own BlogCrush posts too so we can share them for you.
  • Comment using the #BlogCrush hashtag on at least these 4 posts:
    • 1 post from Host 1 (personal or BC)
    • 1 post from Host 2 (personal or BC)
    • 2x personal posts from the rest of the link up

So that’s a minimum of 4 posts.

Don’t forget to add our lovely badge

Lucy At Home Blogcrush Week 68

<a href="https://lucyathome.co.uk" title="Lucy At Home"><img src="https://lucyathome.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2017/11/badge.png" alt="Lucy At Home" style="border: none;" /></a>

If you’re here because someone has chosen your post as their #BlogCrush then Congratulations to you!! Good job!!
Help yourself to our brilliant badge!!

Lucy At Home Blogcrush Week 68

<a href="https://lucyathome.co.uk/" title="Lucy At Home"><img src="https://lucyathome.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2017/11/blogcrush-featured.png" alt="Lucy At Home" style="border: none;" /></a>

My Favourite and featured post this week is the ever popular Enda Stories with Confessions of a serial shouter

Lucy’s featured post is Kindness – Something I Miss

The post I’m adding this week is just a brief note to you fine people . Things are tricky here currently and just wanted to quickly explain.

Looking forwards to another wonderful week of #BlogCrush

Have a great week everyone!

To my lovely #BlogCrush crew

To my BlogCrush folk in particular , I’m so sorry for ducking out on you last week. I’ve been reading all your stuff and I’m back today with this teeny post . I’m your co-host here! can’t be leaving Lucy in the lurch at the drop of the hat!!

However *takes a million deep breaths*

My blog , I hope if nothing else is one where I cover lows and highs . People have commented reading my blog is a chatty experience like a cuppa with a pal and I love that. Makes me feel like long term readers know my story , newer ones relate.

Readers *another huge breath* as far as life and mental health currently go , we are at some kind of rock bottom situation. I hope you’ll forgive me for not expanding…..at somepoint soon I likely will but today isn’t that day .

I just wanted to say I’ll still be doing #blogcrush with Lucy. I think something to aim for every week will do me the power of good and I know you guys will understand that I’m not able to really write so well currently and might be sharing old (yet new to #BlogCrush ) content for a little while

Sooooo looking forward to distracting myself with awesome blogs…

Love , Kelly xxx

What NOT to say to someone fresh out of an abusive relationship

I have had a little bit of help for this post by some incredibly brave and strong women so thank you to them firstly , you were a huge help.

Domestic abuse’s power lies in the secret nature of its being. This is why I harp on about it. Everytime I tell of my experiences the secret is broken. It’s not secret , my freedom brings with it my voice .

If you’ve never experienced it though , or if you don’t know anything about the subject and how subtle and insidious it is then how on earth should you know how to react if you learn someone close to you has been abused. How can you be a supporter without saying the wrong thing and freaking them out .

Well I’m not sure I have all the answers there. There are though some words and phrases after I had left that did me so much mental damage I almost felt I was back there , that set back my recovery and that made me question myself.

None of these would affect me anymore . I’d be able to explain. Back then though I was still ever so fragile .

As I always say I can only tell my story and it obviously doesn’t affect everyone the same way. Here’s the phrases that hurt me and caused me distress when I was newly out of the abusive relationship.

Why did you stay so long?

The people who asked this were well meaning. I know the question came from a good place . A worry that I’d gone through what I had so long .

To me , newly away from that though , it just showed me what I was up against . How people just wouldn’t understand. That unless you were tied up in the cellar you had the free will to leave . You’re free will is often taken before any violence occurs , if it does at all. So much work goes into the perpetrator re programming your brain and convincing you that you can’t live without them. Some women suffering financial abuse cannot leave as they have no access to money . Some perpetrators physically take away shoes and keys and outdoor clothes to make leaving the house physically impossible to leave . Domestic abuse covers a huge spectrum of behavior. Rarely is standing up and walking out a possibility.

If a guy ever hit me I’d…

Kick the shit out of him

Leave immediately

Chuck him out.

As I mentioned above , domestic rarely begins with a punch. Many of us I’m sure if had a perfectly great partner would react differently if he just punched us in the face out of nowhere. However the headwork that is done previously to this means you are filled with self doubt , you believe that you’ve done something to make you angry by the time blows are struck , again if ever .

This kind of comment to a woman who has done the most brave thing is judgy and it’s unhelpful. It insinuates that only weak women are victims of abuse , stupid women , lame women
.This could not be further from the truth domestic abuse affects every sector of society from the High Court Judge to the lollypop lady , the stay at home mum , the doctor , the checkout lady , the nursery nurse , the film star ,the teacher . It is everywhere.

You seemed such a good couple

Aaarrgghh ,do you know how much hard work is put in to ‘keeping up appearances’ to ensure no one ever knows what is going on. The shame is huge , you can’t yet acknowledge it to yourself , the rest of the world sees The Nice Guy . It’s exhausting and stressful and you are filled with fear of anyone finding out. Of course you are going to put on the show of your life !!

Well there are two sides to every story…

Ugh this one is a real gut wrencher. Yes there are 2 sides . His probably sounds way more convincing than mine too , he’s had time to perfect it and add little believable details. He’s told his so often . To his family , friends , everyone he knows . He’s told it so often he probably partially believes it himself .

Her story though . It’s fractured and it’s panicked . It doesn’t make much sense . It contradicts itself and is still vague as she can’t stand to go into detail yet. Doesn’t want to relive it and doesn’t want to upset those that love her but detailing the worst.

These were my biggest triggers to shame and trauma .

There are more though

“other people have it way worse”

“It can’t have been that bad or you’d not have stayed”

” You’re such an attention seeker /drama queen ”

“You just love playing the victim”

“Well I did warn you ,I have no sympathy”

All so many things that I’m sure mostly aren’t said with any kind of malice. Just thoughtless and said with a lack of understanding , which is easy because abuse is so complex and hard to understand!

Survivors don’t expect the rest of the world to ‘get it ‘ but just maybe to do a little reading or research if you are helping someone through it . We need our supporters , our cheerleaders . We need a hand to hold and to be allowed to tell our story. Just be patient if we are rattled or affected by something that seems silly to you .

BlogCrush week 84 – September 21st 2018

Welcome to the weekend!!!

I loved the blogcrush linky waaaaayy before I was part of the team. I love the idea of sharing someone elses fab work as well as your own !!

If it’s your first time here WELCOME!!!!! Have a read through the rules then add your posts!!

#BlogCrush

The Rules

  • Join in with 2 posts:
    • 1 post from your blog (personal) – no linkies please
    • 1 post from someone else’s blog (your #BlogCrush)
  • When you add your BlogCrush (post written by someone else) to the InLinkz form, put “BC” at the beginning of their title
  • Tweet your BlogCrush (& us) to let them know you’ve added them to the linky and share their link (@lucy_at_home and @daydreamer_mum). Please tweet us your own BlogCrush posts too so we can share them for you.
  • Comment using the #BlogCrush hashtag on at least these 4 posts:
    • 1 post from Host 1 (personal or BC)
    • 1 post from Host 2 (personal or BC)
    • 2x personal posts from the rest of the link up

So that’s a minimum of 4 posts.

Don’t forget to add our lovely badge

Lucy At Home Blogcrush Week 68

<a href="https://lucyathome.co.uk" title="Lucy At Home"><img src="https://lucyathome.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2017/11/badge.png" alt="Lucy At Home" style="border: none;" /></a>

If you’re here because someone has chosen your post as their #BlogCrush then Congratulations to you!! Good job!!
Help yourself to our brilliant badge!!

Lucy At Home Blogcrush Week 68

<a href="https://lucyathome.co.uk/" title="Lucy At Home"><img src="https://lucyathome.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2017/11/blogcrush-featured.png" alt="Lucy At Home" style="border: none;" /></a>

My featured post this week is by Miller In The City just here

Lucy Chose Toffee apples and inspire recipes

Have a great week everyone!!!

Aaarrggh so.sorry but if you could just add your post over with Lucy for the time being that would be fabulous whilst I straighten out a problem or two. She’s just here

BlogCrush week 83 – 14th September 2018

Welcome to the weekend!!!

Been a bit of a quiet week here ! Teen boy the younger started sixth form . It’s so odd as in my mind when I started sixth form I was oh so grown up , not his age !!!He seems to be settling into it though.

I loved the blogcrush linky waaaaayy before I was part of the team. I love the idea of sharing someone elses fab work as well as your own !!

If it’s your first time here WELCOME!!!!! Have a read through the rules then add your posts!!

#BlogCrush

The Rules

  • Join in with 2 posts:
    • 1 post from your blog (personal) – no linkies please
    • 1 post from someone else’s blog (your #BlogCrush)
  • When you add your BlogCrush (post written by someone else) to the InLinkz form, put “BC” at the beginning of their title
  • Tweet your BlogCrush (& us) to let them know you’ve added them to the linky and share their link (@lucy_at_home and @daydreamer_mum). Please tweet us your own BlogCrush posts too so we can share them for you.
  • Comment using the #BlogCrush hashtag on at least these 4 posts:
    • 1 post from Host 1 (personal or BC)
    • 1 post from Host 2 (personal or BC)
    • 2x personal posts from the rest of the link up

So that’s a minimum of 4 posts.

Don’t forget to add our lovely badge

Lucy At Home Blogcrush Week 68

<a href="https://lucyathome.co.uk" title="Lucy At Home"><img src="https://lucyathome.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2017/11/badge.png" alt="Lucy At Home" style="border: none;" /></a>

If you’re here because someone has chosen your post as their #BlogCrush then Congratulations to you!! Good job!!
Help yourself to our brilliant badge!!

Lucy At Home Blogcrush Week 68

<a href="https://lucyathome.co.uk/" title="Lucy At Home"><img src="https://lucyathome.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2017/11/blogcrush-featured.png" alt="Lucy At Home" style="border: none;" /></a>

My Featured Post this week is Frozen Flowers : An early learning STEAM activity

Lucy chose summer craft ideas

HOST POST

My post this week follows a bit of a blog -wobble where I’m just not sure where I fit A blog life crisis

A blog life crisis!

Warning – This may end up being one long whinge!

Extra warning – it’s blog related so lovely friends and family who read my stuff to be supportive , I’ll not hold it against you if you give this one a miss!!

I’ve fallen out with my blog a bit recently . I do that from time to time , decide I’m going to pack it all in then usually get a grip of myself within a couple days .

It’s a bit different this time though. I love writing my blog . At almost 4 and a half years this is the one hobby I’ve not gotten bored and dropped after a couple months! I’m just having a bit of a blogging identity crisis!!

My blog is quite like me ( unsurprisingly )It’s a bit clumsy and haphazard . As such I don’t think I’m really a ‘proper’ blogger. I mean :

I’ve been saying for years I’m going to go self hosted but I don’t like change and tech scares me !!

I don’t post regularly at the same time and days each week (I know that’s a golden rule !)

I just couldn’t do that. I just and write or type when I feel I’ve something to say. I can’t schedule that . Hmmm brain I have scheduled 2pm of a Thursday for creative genius if you don’t mind . I am just being daft here of course . I know some folk have weeks worth of posts all written up and ready to go . For me however , if I’ve felt motivated enough to get writing about it I want to tell people about it right now!!

I don’t have a niche ( another golden rule)

I did at the beginning . When this blog was just about life after domestic abuse , telling my story. I do go back to that and I always will because women have told me reading those kind of posts comforts them that they are not the only one going through it . That’s not the sum total off my life experiences though. I cover mental health and my anxiety disorder. I write about parenting though as the kids are getting older I seem to be doing a lot more writing about rediscovering who I am when I’m not mum. My blog has evolved to cover whatever is on my mind at any given time and honestly the way my brain works that’s pretty diverse.

My kids are the wrong age . Most of the bloggers I see and read and am aware of have much younger children than me . I cannot get the teens to play ball and look cute !

So you see , I’m just not sure I fit there but if not there where then?

I’m certainly not a writer , punctuation and I have deep seated issues and I’ve noticed I’ve started using the terms ‘gonna ‘ and ‘wanna’ a lot. Not a writers behaviour . I just write as I speak and unfortunately I waffle a hell of a lot .

I sure as hell aren’t an influencer. My Insta is a wreck due to a rubbish camera on my phone and the fact that neither my house , wardrobe nor kids are insta compatible!! I’ve never done a review or a giveaway or a sponsored post so that’s influencer out the window !!

So I’m just unsure of my place .

I guess really I’ve never bothered about fitting in in any area of my life before . I don’t know why I feel I should here .

I certainly don’t want to stop wittering away on my blog. It’s soooo much cheaper than therapy and even if I never published another post I’d still be scribbling away in my many notebooks !! Maybe on this one I just have to do me . Not get too caught up in niches and schedules and just continue to write when I’ve something to say. Waffle first and worry about where it fits later ??

Anyone else have blog crisis’ ?? Just me and my overthinking brain??

So long summer….

Well summer didn’t exactly break it to us gently it was going to leave did it ? One day we were there wandering about in the sunshine could barely remember what a coat was then just like that – back to school , sun vanishes , hello Autumn!!

Autumn usually is my favourite time of year . I love the colours of the leaves and the chill in the air but this year I just really enjoyed all the warm weather we were spoilt with and I’m sad to see it go.

To cheer myself up I decided to think about what I’m looking forward to about the rest of the year…

Comfort Food

Summer was fab but I have to admit to not exactly serving Michelin starred dinners . Cold meats , salads and new potatoes were a staple . Oh and picnics (letting the kids eat sandwiches outside !)

This though is slow cooker season!! Stews and dumplings , pies and big , hearty carb heavy dinners ! Yum!

Cosy jumpers

Although I generally get the autumn/winter look wrong I bloody love a jumper !! I love even more a big jumper dress a la Tiffany in the 80’s (Ah look being fashionable has always deserted me ) jumper dress with a thick black tights assist and I’m happy as Larry -whoever he was . Wonder what he was so happy about. I’ll Google that !

Seasonal festivities

I’ve never been a Halloween fan but small girl loves it so I kind of get swept up in it and am much more willing to make an effort with it these days and dress up ,find a party to go to , do Halloween crafts .

I have to admit I do usually leave Bonfire Night to small girl’s daddy. If there’s an amazing upside to parenting separately it’s that you can pass on the stuff you don’t like doing .

I’m not going to mention the C word just yet ….but come on I’m no Grinch that’s Def something to look forward to.

Hull Fair

This is a bit of niche one I guess for those of you who aren’t from Hull.

We have a huge huge fair for a week in October.

I’ve not been to the fair since I left Hull but I am determined to get there this year. I’m pretty sure it’s a nostalgia thing from when you are little and I should probably keep it there rather than go and end up underwhelmed but any excuse to wander about eating patties and brandy snap sounds good to me!!!

Doctor Who

Actually hang on it’s a bit more exciting than that…

DOCTOR WHO!!!

Aaarrggh!!!Soooooo excited !!!!

Ok , so yes Doctor Who .

The Doctor is a woman …but not only that …

She is a Yorkshire woman…not only that…

She’s Jodie Whittaker.

I can’t wait to see how this brand new era on my favourite TV show pans out.

Alongside that Doctor Who is the only show that we will all of us come and sit and watch together and watch in real time . That’s really special .

So I guess as lovely as skipping about in summer dresses bare legged and eating al fresco was . I have to admit . A big Sunday roast followed by getting into fluffy PJs and watching Doctor Who does hold a huge appeal .

* Who’s Larry and why is he so happy ??
It originates from a boxer called Larry Foley in the 1890s, before boxing was fully legalised. He won the biggest prize of about $150,000 and a newspaper article in New Zealand had the headline “Happy As Larry” and the phrase stuck.

Blogcrush week 82 – September 7th 2018

Happy Friday you beautiful blogcrush folk!!!

Did we survive back to school ok? I know some people get all grumpy about it but I for one have LOVED seeing cute little back to school pics on social media !!! My baby has headed into her last year of primary school!!! I’m not ok with this !!We have to look at High Schools over next few weeks !!Nooooooooo

I loved the blogcrush linky waaaaayy before I was part of the team. I love the idea of sharing someone elses fab work as well as your own !!

#BlogCrush

The Rules

  • Join in with 2 posts:
    • 1 post from your blog (personal) – no linkies please
    • 1 post from someone else’s blog (your #BlogCrush)
  • When you add your BlogCrush (post written by someone else) to the InLinkz form, put “BC” at the beginning of their title
  • Tweet your BlogCrush (& us) to let them know you’ve added them to the linky and share their link (@lucy_at_home and @daydreamer_mum). Please tweet us your own BlogCrush posts too so we can share them for you.
  • Comment using the #BlogCrush hashtag on at least these 4 posts:
    • 1 post from Host 1 (personal or BC)
    • 1 post from Host 2 (personal or BC)
    • 2x personal posts from the rest of the link up

So that’s a minimum of 4 posts.

Don’t forget to add our lovely badge

Lucy At Home Blogcrush Week 68

<a href="https://lucyathome.co.uk" title="Lucy At Home"><img src="https://lucyathome.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2017/11/badge.png" alt="Lucy At Home" style="border: none;" /></a>

We are lucky enough to be able to choose our featured blogger every week .

if that’s you yay!!!! Please add the special badge …. you’re one of the family(said in a Peggy Mitchell voice) now

Lucy At Home Blogcrush Week 68

<a href="https://lucyathome.co.uk/" title="Lucy At Home"><img src="https://lucyathome.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2017/11/blogcrush-featured.png" alt="Lucy At Home" style="border: none;" /></a>

Here are the host BC posts for BlogCrush Week 82:

Kelly’s choice is Looking Forward to Life Over Fifty Kate on Thin Ice

Lucy’s choice is journey to alarmageddon by Endastories

My post this week follows on from a bit of a Twitterstorm I have found myself caught up in – word to the wise ? Never think anything you put on Twitter is just for your Twitter pals !! I know how old am I 10? Basics of the internet Kelly What I learnt about people , through Twitter

https://static.inlinkz.com/cs2.js