Monthly Archives: June 2017

A boys first love – A guest post from my eldest

I couldn’t let the 20th anniversary of Harry Potter pass without comment. JK Rowling is a hero and inspiration of mine. Harry Potter though , well I know a guy who can talk about his love for that with way more passion than me.

My 16 year old first born. He fell in love with the books as a little little kid . They’re his go to books when he’s had a bad day or is ill or just needs a bit of comfort. I’ll let him tell you all about it,

 

 

Harry Potter. Where do I even start? Hooked at 6 finished by 11. Almost cried when I didn’t get my Hogwarts letter but it probs just got lost, it’s cool, yours did too, right?

I won’t claim to be an expert, for some it means more, and many know more. It will always have a special little scar spaced slot in my heart, from crying when I was younger, when the actor for Dumbledore died, so I was of course terrified that without Dumbledore, who would stop Voldemort? All the way to the woman sat behind us when we saw the last movie, who sobbed all the way through.

But in so many ways it’s so much more than a story. The idea that one happy memory (a patronus) can hold away an army of negativity (dementors) is an incredibly powerful one, as she says “help can always be found at Hogwarts, for those who ask for it” (or sommat like that anyway) That message is incredibly powerful.

Teaching young children about toxic environments, and encouraging imagination will have an impact for generations to come. There will never be a day that someone in the world doesn’t think a positive thought about Harry Potter, and in turn JK Rowling.

Somewhere, in a small café  in Scotland, one woman created a story and a universe that would last long in the memories of millions, some like me who hadn’t even been considered, yet alone born. She would change the lives of millions, and create strong role models for all, no matter what your age, race, gender, or sexuality namely herself, Emma Watson, or even Rupert Grint, for gingers everywhere!

I’ve read so many fan theories, from small little sad ones, like how Sirius and Harry had such a strong relationship because whenever they looked at each other, they both wished to see James.Simply insane ones too, like that Dumbledore is a time travelling Ron Weasely. Each day a new theory pops onto my facebook news feed, and that is how you know when something truly amazing has been created, when after 2 decades, people still can’t get enough, and that is the sign of a true legend.

It creates moral issues, like whether Snape is a good guy or not.I mean apparently abusing and bullying innocent school children isn’t an issue anymore, but that’s a whole different blog, possible series. But it gets young minds thinking on their own, raising their own moral issues, and allows them to gather their own opinion and voice it. In this world, there is nothing more important than standing up for what you believe is right, and that is exactly what she has started to encourage teenagers to do.

It makes us cry, laugh, and fume, sometimes all at the same time. And I could, have done, and almost definitely will reread them over and over again, because with truly beautiful, informative and intelligent writing you learn something new on every page.There is absolutely nothing bad about that, it means that generations upon generations will be passed down books from their parents, grandparents, and great grandparents, and millions will be inspired by her writing, inspired to be a Harry, and do good. For that, from billions of potterheads across the globe, thank you JK Rowling

“We’ve all got both light and dark inside of us. What matters is the part we choose to act on. That’s who we really are”. -Sirius Black, Harry Potter And The Order Of The Phoenix.    JK Rowling.


My Facebook page is here

 

My children do not come from a broken home 

There are way too many phrases that make me want to scream. The term ‘broken home’ has to be up there at number one.
It’s a phrase usually accompanied by statistics.
“Children from broken homes 5x more likely to suffer from mental health problems” (Daily Mail)
“Children from broken homes nine times more likely to commit crime ” (Telegraph)
” 7/10 young offenders come from broken homes” (Telegraph)
I’ve read through these articles,Ive read the statistics and it seems that broken homes in these instances are those where there are not two biological parents living at home with the children. Broken home is often used to mean fatherless home,although there are of course motherless homes too.
I just think that these articles and statistics and panic inducing headlines do single parents a huge injustice.

Sure some families will struggle after splits and divorce.Sure some single parents will find it hard to cope so maybe we could look at how best to support them rather than write off their children as future thugs.
I don’t know one single parent who always envisaged this as the dream they’ve always wanted to persue from being a young child.I think most people would wish to raise their children in a marriage or long term relationship with their father.To have a calm,stable family life of mum,dad and children where the little ones can learn about healthy,respectful relationships from just observing their parents. Unfortunately though,this sometimes simply doesn’t happen. Scary headlines don’t help. I for one have a bit of a chip on my shoulder about being a single mum. That chip wasn’t put there by me through. I feel judged because I am judged,often. 

An academic,Patricia Morgan,who has written several studies on family break up says this 

“Broken families and serial fathers produce homes full of conflict and chaos and they are terrible for children”

Well Patricia, I am not as well educated as you . I’m not an academic. I am however on the front line of single parenting,everyday. This house you speak of terrible for children full of conflict? That was our life when we were living in the conventional family that you are so keen on. The fatherless ‘broken’ home we live in currently is one of relative calm , of happiness and laughter , of comfort.

As for the serial father bit that you chucked in there Patricia. We happen to be single parents we’re not animals looking for the next particularly fertile mate. 

Yes there are families where the headlines and stats and stereotypes unfortunately ring true. That’s huge shame for all involved. It’s a shame for society. 
The single parents I know though,raising our future thugs and villains?? We’re actually doing a bloody good job in really tough circumstances. We’re resilient, we’re adaptable, we’re hardworking and we’re tough. Rather than looking for the next serial father to jump we’re actually making a cosy haven for our children,making sure they feel safe and loved and secure . We’re doing a two person job single handedly often whilst working or caring for other family members or studying.
The conventional family my children lived in once was a stifling,suffocating one. It was unhealthy and dangerous. It was not the calm nurturing environment it should have been.
My children are not from a broken home. They are from a fixed one.


My Facebook page is here



          Mummy Times Two

50 shades of dozy……

 

 

Today I got to lunchtime before realising I’d been  walking around all day with my dress on inside out.

I’d like to tell you that this was a one off hilarious anecdote.

It was not.

This is my life.

 

 

I really can’t understand it. I like to think I’m a fairly intelligent woman, but for one reason or another my head is permanently in the clouds. It’s been the same all my life so I can’t even blame getting older. When my (3 years younger than me ) sister and I used to go out places she was always the one my mam trusted to look after money or anything important.

 

 

I’ve given up on even getting frustrated with myself now . Pointless .

 

So inspired by today’s dress fiasco I have decided to put together a list of my top 10 dozy related incidents. At least it make you giggle or just be glad you don’t have to put up with me….

 

 

 

10) Losing stuff

Now this isn’t technically one incident but one life long incident. I lose everything, how I’ve never left one of the kids behind somewhere before now is nothing short of a minor miracle. Numerous purses , phones , bags have fallen by the wayside over the years. I once left all our swimming gear on a train. 5 PEOPLE’S towels , costumes ,toiletries I got off the train and left behind!!!

I once even lost a dining chair ??An actual chair!! What the hell? Concentrate Kelly!!

 

 

9) The tree incident

There I was one day , walking along the main road to school , minding my own business having a little daydream as I do ( probably about what I was going to eat next) and before I knew it , so ensconced in my daydream was I that I failed to notice my hair had become wrapped around a tree branch. By the time I realised I was chained to a tree by my hair I began to panic , but also I was on a busy main road and didn’t want to appear a total loon trying to rip my hair free from a branch…

I think I styled it out…probably

 

 

8) The knickers

Have you ever had a stranger stop their car on the same busy road mentioned in number 9 to tell you your skirt is tucked into your knickers??

No you normal people with active brains and who live on THIS planet will say , why we’ve not tucked our skirt into our knickers since we were 5.

I have , and not just the once either..mortifying!!!I mean what’s the appropriate response other than blushing and hoping the ground will swallow you up.

 

 

 

7) The Bag of Doom

The bag of doom is the biggest bone of contention between small girl’s daddy and I . The Bag of Doom is the overnight bag that travels between each of our houses in our harmonious co parenting journey to give us an extra thing to bicker about.

You know the drill , cuddly toys she needs for sleep and the like , school uniform , shoes. The essentials. Now knowing what a pain in the arse grump organised person he is I really should save myself the earache and get it right. I try. I write lists and everything . Sometimes I convince myself I’ve cracked it , I’ve packed this bag perfectly . There shall be no passive aggressive Bag of Doom texts . 5 mins later my phone beeps with a text

KELLY IT WOULD HAVE BEEN REALLY HELPFUL FOR YOU TO HAVE SENT HER COAT IN THIS TORENTIAL RAIN

Balls!!!! The thing is I start out with the bag , but then someone needs something or I get distracted and in all actuality I reckon I could be a goldfish with one of those 10 seconds memories or whatever it is

 

 

6)The inset day incident

Yes I took my kids to school on inset day….only once though?! Progress?!

 

 

5) The puddle incident

Out with a very handsome chap I was wowing him with my effervescent chat and sparkling wit (or the boobs one or the other) when actually I was so busy swooning over him , I forgot to pay attention to where my feet were, fell over them and landed in a puddle.

Seductive work Kelly , not a clue why the guys aren’t queuing round the block.

 

 

 

4) The where’s my phone? Incident

Small girl’s daddy had given me a lift home from school or something like that but when I got home I realised in typical me fashion I’d left my phone in his car. AAArgghh but I love my phone I must get it back thinks I . Calls him up to ask if he’d found my phone in his car

“which phone Kelly ?The one you’re calling me from right now?”

Oh…yeah…

Feel sorry for the guy yet?

 

 

3) Bag of Doom pt 2

Went to drop off Bag of Doom at daddy’s.

Was on the train before I realised I’d left the bag at home.

Went back for bag

Got back on the train.

Was daydreaming and decided to go the next stop on and go shopping

Went shopping.

Got home , still with the Bag of Doom about my person.

Got on the train…again….

Seriously Kelly ….get your shit together!!!

 

 

 

2) Today’s dress incident

All day long I was walking around with the labels on the outside of my dress.

Stylish!!

1)The shoe incident

OK the finale …

One day , I took small girl to school only on the train home did I glance at my feet and see this

 

 Whole other planet , I tell you 


My Facebook page is here



Naptime Natter

Out of my hands 

Back when we left the abusive relationship all those years ago.

Back when my now taller than me teenagers were still little tiny things. 

Back when my now college boy was still in infant school. 

Back when my articulate chatterbox 2nd born still couldn’t talk properly (damn you speech therapy it was THE cutest) 

Back when I thought baby no. 3 treating brother baiting as if it were an Olympic sport was a phase she’d grow out of (poor deluded me) 

Back then. 
I had one priority – to keep them safe. 

It was hard at times. I was still so damaged from the abuse, I wasn’t strong mentally but still that fundamental aim remained. 

Keep them safe. 

I often felt like I was fighting the whole entire world and noone would listen to me and help me. For years through the family court nightmare with social services dragged into our lives by him every concern I had was met with ‘he’s their father, he has a right to see them’ 

I had to stand firm and unwavering at a time when I’ve never felt so fragile, but I could do it for them- to keep them safe. 
The children have seen their dad intermittently. They go to their paternal grandparents every fortnight and though he rarely took up the opportunity I was clear he was welcome to visit them there.  I didn’t want to be keeping my children from their father. Don’t get me wrong it suited me when he didn’t bother, I’m not claiming to be a saint here. 

Now though, at almost 17,15 and 14 it’s no longer my call. It’s no longer my decision but theirs. It’s out of my hands. 
This weekend they’re going to stay at his house for the weekend for the very first time. I’m really not dealing with it very well. 
The thing is it’s no longer about their safety. They want to go and stay and I can’t stand in their way. They really like his girlfriend and I actually think she could be the draw of why they want to go. 

It’s not that I believe them to be in physical danger – believe me if I thought that was even a possibility they’d be going nowhere.  
The discomfort I’m feeling is for selfish reasons.  The thought of them being there has triggered all the old feelings. Mentally I’m transported back to when I first came here – fragile and vulnerable and just feels bloody horrid. 
When we first came here my anxiety manifested itself as a ridiculous phobia of fainting in public. My physical anxiety symptoms feel very much like that second before you faint. Erratic breathing, throat tightening, light headedness and back then I was new to the anxiety game and didn’t realise that’s what it was. It used to happen daily back then but it’s not happened that badly in a good 7 years. Then yesterday it happened again. I know it’s because of this weekend and I just can’t stand to feel this way. It feels as if all my strength and mental stability has been whisked away and I’m back to that shaken girl of old. 

I know it’s only temporary though. I know when they arrive home Sunday after a lovely weekend all will be back right with my world. I do know that so I’m going to try to take a positive from this. I’m going to use it to acknowledge to myself how far I have come, how I am a totally different stronger woman now. 

I did what I set out to do. I took my children out of an unhealthy environment and I kept them safe. 
I have 3 down, happy, level headed (most of the time) teenagers and I have to allow them the space to make a relationship with their father if they choose to. 
I kept them safe. 
I just was unprepared for the time to come when it was out of my hands.  

<br /><br /><br />
<a href=”http://www.motherofteenagers.com” target=”_blank”><img src=”http://i36.photobucket.com/albums/e14/Motherofteenagers/3%20rsz_1rsz_1rsz_teen_logo_launch_zpslcprplei.jpg” alt=”Mother of Teenagers” /></a><br /><br /><br />

The perils of a teenage crush….. when you’re way too old for that! 

I’ve been banging on a bit recently about a certain lovely guy. It’s all fantastic and fun and I’m having the best time. I just can’t help feeling I’ve come into all this stuff a bit late in the day. I’m a bit of an oddball in that at 37 I’ve never done the ‘love stuff’… . ever! ! I’ve probably done a bit of low level crushing but that’s as far as it goes. I just don’t (didn’t) get giddy over guys. So I’ve got to tell you there are distinct perils of waiting till you’re 37 to develop a teenage crush.

It’s really quite unbecoming 

Love that word!! Anyway giddily smiling at your phone over a cute text or sat  daydreaming all gooey eyed does not suit a woman of my age. People would take one look and either think I’m on some kinda drug or are just a bit vacant!!
.

It’s tricky to know how to play it

I mean back in the day I last had a major crush when I were about 7 this did the trick. .

A grown mum of 4 doesn’t really have these options at her disposal.

What do I do in this position? I don’t bloody know and I don’t want to look like a total idiot who doesn’t know how to deal with men.

Spoiler alert : I am a total idiot who doesn’t know how to deal with men.

Do I answer texts right away? Can I just call at any time? Should I be playing hard to get? Sigh….

I really should have gotten this stuff out of the way when I had way more time on my hands!

My mental health ‘quirks’ confuse matters

Aaawww you know when you’re all crushy over someone? Butterflies in the tummy, a little appetite loss, replaying little moments in your mind to give them a second go, you sometimes get a little bit breathless around them?

WELL. Which bloody genius decided to make all these things also my anxiety symptoms. Not very well thought out this one! Sooo confusing.

Welcome to Kelly’s new quiz show… Adoration or Anxiety? ?? Thriller it is!

I behave like the opposite of me

I’m not really emotions girl.

I’m certainly not affection girl.

I’m certainly, certainly not public handholdy girl *vomits *

Until I am….

I don’t recognise myself – I’m not quite up to love poetry or heartfelt sentiment yet. Getting there though. I mean not long back whilst looking at the object of my crush I thought to myself “You’re so gorgeous”. . . Unfortunately it accidentally slipped out of my mouth-seriously Kelly get a bloody grip ! ! I suppose though if being around someone rounds off your sharp spiky edges a little bit or manages to negotiate the 10 foot high electric fence you surround yourself with – well that’s got to be a positive.

So you know it is quite cringey for a grown woman to be floating about like a besotted teenager, it’s just I didn’t do it back then you see? I’m just on catch up with the rest of you! Should you guys fancy an insight into my actual teen years though, just lay on your bed reading and avoiding the world for a couple of years.

However cringey it is though-in the current climate, I think that anything that makes you smile is probably worth holding onto for a little while! !!

 

Not Just The 3 Of Us