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#Blogtober17 day 3 – Car. I don’t have a car ….

Ok prepare yourselves day 3 sees the first very tenuous link to the theme but I cannot promise you it will be the last. Todays theme is Car. So let me present to you :

I don’t have a car , and 5 other reasons I’m not really a proper grown up…

I don’t have a car 

I see proper grown ups tootling about in their cars. Delivering the kids from place to place without the need to get soggy at the bus stop. I can’t even be trusted to be on charge of my own feet without falling over them and hurting myself I most definitely shouldn’t be in charge of heavy machinery.

I have a crack squad to help me with school admin

The school mums. The guys who assist me in looking to the outside world as if I have this motherhood thing together. They know I’m a bit dozy / forgetful / daydreamy so generally on a day to day basis remind me what’s going on in school what I need to take / pay /remember on any given day. I think fully fledged grown ups have all this stuff written down on one of those smug family calendars.

I’m still a bad loser



I’ve never grown out of this. I can even ‘let’ my own children win board games. In fact I cannot and I will not. To give them their credit they absolutely hammer me at Scrabble anyway and I have not thrown the board in agggeeess – progress!

I don’t have to have tasted foods to know I won’t like them.

Fish , baked beans , eggs , strawberries , kiwi fruit , cauliflower , sweet potato , porridge , mushrooms , hotdogs , duck , parsnips . Just a few of the foods that I have never ever tasted . I just KNOW I won’t like them…..you know,like a toddler!

I’m a bit repetitive

Another one that channels the inner toddler here! My favourite books I’ll read a few times a year , my favourite movies I’ll watch on a bit of a loop. As for my favourite Doctor Who episodes well there are some I must have seen 30 times!! In fact here’s maybe not been a real grown up is a bit harsh. Maybe I’m part obsessive toddler and part stuck in ways old person. 

I know what I like!

I am juvenile around my sister

We name call , we relentlessly take the piss out of one another. We do “oh look there’s your best friend” to people we hate . We certainly fall into childish sibling habits very easily and with great relish. Though to be fair she started it!

So you see not having a car is just the tip of the iceberg as far as not qualifying as a real grown up goes. 

I promise to try and be way less tenuous with my links to the theme the rest of the month…..or at least the rest of the week!



My Facebook page is here

#Blogtober17

 

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A little beg for votes!

It’s Tribal Chat awards time! 

This year supported by the fabulous Paladone photo gifts!!
So I’ve gotta try to persuade you lovely people to vote for Daydreams of a Mum .Thought I’d write you a note….

Dear people who may possibly want to vote for me ….(succinct and to the point- nailed it!)
Firstly I’m sorry to bother you all with my vote begging post,the thing is if I didn’t write it then I’d be admitting defeat from the start and that’s not a great place to be is it? Defeat? 

I’m meant to be this brand new woman now. So surely I can manage a bit of self promotion and “look at me” type stuff. Stepping out of your comfort zone , the key to making strides forward right? After all stepping out of my comfort zone is precisely what this blog is. I’m not good at talking about my feelings verbally , I’m not good at laying myself bare (so to speak! I’m not gonna flash you for votes don’t worry , I’d not inflict that on you lovely people) On my blog though – well I can express myself here. 

Before I get to all out beggy can I just say that I am so proud of my little blog. It’s been on the go a good while now and it’s probably the only hobby I’ve ever stuck to! 

It started as a solo pursuit , anonymous, secret. Over the last two years though since I ‘came out’ and shared with people it’s taken on a whole new life. I’ve discovered the amazing social side of blogging and I love it all the more for it.

So….onto voting. Firstly the rules :

1) Each blog can only be voted for in 3 separate categories at most. Any more and votes will be void.

2) You don’t have to fill in every category,blank spaces are fine. However should you have a bit of time. I do recommend looking up some of the nominated blogs and having a read , you might discover some more for the blank spaces . I may be biased but there are some very talented writers in our Tribe!

My blog is very much like me – needs improvement, a bit of tidying up and beautifying but hopefully it reads just like a woman with a notepad and pen because that’s exactly what it is!

So onto the votes , I’ve ummed and ahhed about which categories I think best fit my blog. May I steer you towards them?

Firstly the tear jerker award.

I try not to be too miserable but I’ve found the posts I write from the heart go down the best. 

This piece I wrote about how grief can suddenly hit you in the face is an example of that.

The next is the Wisdom award.

Sssshhh you lot giggling at the back. I know I know , wise is not a word associated with me. However where I’m thinking wisdom I’m thinking more experience. I’m quite far on in this parenting journey. I’ve made the mistakes and done the worrying so maybe I can pass some of that on??

Here I spoke of how things you wrack yourself with worry over generally turn out ok in the end . I can even promise you one day there’ll be hot tea and a lie in in your future.

Lastly there’s the dedication award. I was unsure about this , if it’s one of those things only other people can describe you as , like funny?
My blog began life as an extension of therapy after I left a long abusive relationship. I hoped one day it could be a document of how there is hope , how a happy life can await you no matter how dark the situation you are currently in can seem. I am certainly dedicated to lifting the lid on abusive relationships , I’m dedicated to showing there can be a life after abuse ,I’m dedicated to raising awareness of abuse. So that’s dedication surely. 

This I wrote about how it’s possible to not realise you are in an abusive relationship and this post here was one of the most soul baring pieces I’ve dared press publish on. 

So here’s my cringey , beggy post .
Would really love it if you could spare some time to vote for me and daydreams of a mum just click on the link at the bottom.

Kelly xxx

My URL is https://kellyandthekidsblog.wordpress.com

I’m @daydreamer_mum on Twitter 

My blog name is daydreams of a mum

http://mummyinatutu.co.uk/tribal-chat-blogging-awards-october-2017/
 

#Blogtober17  – All about me

I’m joining in with #Blogtober17 and writing and posting a different post everyday in October (though this is me so hoping to at least) based on a different theme. 

Today’s theme is all about me so I’ve put together an A-Z of me!!

A – Auntie to 3! I have 2 nephews and a niece who are just the best. Aunties don’t have to follow the same rules as parents it’s great.

 B – Bookworm , have been all my life . A pile of books , a cup of tea and a cosy blanket and I am happy.

C- Chips , in my opinion humankind’s finest creation. Keep the wheel ,there are few ills in the world can’t be made to feel better by a pile of chips covered in salt and vinegar!

D-  Doctor Who. I love it so much , probably too much. I have never been happier than when it was announced we were going to have a female Doctor. I shed actual tears!

E- Evans (Chris) my ultimate crush! No not the Hollywood one …..ermmm you know, the ginger one!

F- Fish phobia . Whether wrapped in batter or swimming in a tank I hate fish in all forms. Is something about the way they flutter about swimming with their creepy eyes *shudder*

I have never eaten fish and an aquarium visit would have me heaving.

G- Galaxy Caramel. Chocolate bar to end all chocolate bars.

H- Hull. My hometown and the place my heart stays! I bloody love the place , the people , the history , the food (patty and chip spice mmmmm) Oh and we are City of Culture 2017 don’t you know?

I – Instagram . I fail at Instagram spectacularly , really need to up my game!!

J- Jim’ll Fix It. Wrote in to sing with Elaine Paige and Barbara Dickson (you know I Know Him So Well) didn’t get to. Someone else did get to do our thing though. Was furious at the time , in hindsight…kinda glad.

K- Kelly , my name . A pet hate is people who barely know me shortening it. Over familiarity and I don’t get on!

L- Laura/Lou/Lala

My sister , best friend and favourite adult human on the whole planet.

M- Mum to 4 . 2 boys 17 and 15 and 2 girls 14 and 9. I might be a bit biased but they’re pretty awesome…..most of the time!

N- New me. Going through a bit of an epiphany lately . Finally healed after a long abusive relationship. Finally finding myself now the children are getting older and need me less. I’ll not bore you but I wrote about it here if you fancy.

O- Onions . Specifically pickled , my supper of choice . A jar of pickled onions and a spoon. This is likely why I sleep alone!!!

P- Piper (Billie) Ultimate girl crush…..imagine my uber crushing when her and the guy mentioned above in E were married!!

Q- Quirky . A polite way to describe me when weird seems too harsh I think!

R- Rugby League . Sport of champs . Hull FC girl.

S- Shared Parenting. Small girl’s daddy and I parent her pretty much 50/50 despite not being in any kind of relationship. This , though the best for small girl who thrives in this environment , is the bloody bane of my life. A never ending compromise!

T- Tea . The answer to all big questions. Comfort in a mug! Helps with my stressful moments caused by S above.

U- Unbalanced. Physically I mean , clumsy ! Although possibly mentally too on occasion if we’re being honest.

V- Vino. The answer to all big questions. Comfort in a glass. Same as tea really only an after 7 thing!!

W-  Wicked. My favourite musical. I love it . I spend way too many hours singing the songs , and already have two visits to different theatres to see it booked in 2018!!

X- X boyfriends .Every one without question has been an idiot. I think and hope of late that my judgement of character has improved with age! 

Y- York. My absolute favourite place. It’s so beautiful and so steeped in history and just a place that makes me happy just to be there.

Z- Zero . Number of times I’ve visited Italy or Russia . Number of books I have written. Number of marathons I’ve run.

All on the ‘to do’ list though!!!


My Facebook page is here

#Blogtober17

This parenting lark has a cruel twist…

Whilst I was away in Edinburgh discovering myself and being the most self indulgent I’ve ever been – my children were growing up without me.

So there I was in Edinburgh , aware of course that the elder 3’s dads wedding was taking place at the same time. In fact I chose to go away those dates purposefully so I wasn’t at home brooding resentfully .

I was sat in a cute little tea shop , scribbling in my notebook watching the world go by when my phone beeped.

This popped up on the screen:

 

Firstly I was shocked.There’s a distinct possibility my mouth was open and I was sporting the look my sister calls my ‘dozy face’

Just look at those beautiful young people.

They’re not those tiny babies I once had .

They’re not the toddlers that meant I didn’t sleep for 3 years.

They’re not the pre-schoolers I spent time teaching to read and write so terrified I was that they’d be behind otherwise.

They’re not those little children I scooped up and ran away with , changing all of our lives forever.

This girl is not my hoody loving girl who hasn’t worn a dress in a decade:

(Though the second she came back she reverted to hoody girl to my relief)

They’re grown , rounded , amazing , sociable people.

Then an awful thought struck me.
I’m on borrowed time.

I’ve had these amazing people in my life for so long. I’ve been the one allowed to attempt to raise and guide them and ensure I put good people out into the world.

Obviously at this point I’m the teary woman in the tea shop (thank goodness for hidden corners)

Having a post weekend thought dump on my Facebook page over the weekend I kind of worked out where the shock and the sadness came from.

You see the end game of this parenting lark is quite a cruel one. The main objective after all the blood sweat and (soooo many )tears is to have raised children who no longer need you. Who can survive and thrive independently. That’s pretty hard to take. 

I think it’ll be ok though.

Back when I was a mum of 3 under 3 an old lady at a bus stop looked at the hormonal,sleep deprived woman and though it was ok to tell her that she didn’t know how people could bring children into such a terrible world.  I jumped straight on the defensive and told her maybe if I raised good people they could get out there and change it a little for the better .

I think maybe I’ve done just that!




”The



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Mission Mindfulness

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Rhyming with Wine




”tammymum”

When the ice queen becomes the cry baby…

Any poor unfortunates who have been reading my blog for a while will know how back ,what seems like forever ago , I was very emotionally stifled . I think I’m naturally a little that way anyway but the long abusive relationship did cause me to shut down emotions absolutely. It was a survival technique and it did what was necessary at the time.

Unfortunately after leaving the relationship and being free  the Ice Queen remained . Writing this blog , therapy ,time and surrounding myself with awesome people has chipped away at Ms icy knickers and now being  here , healed well the ice has thawed an awful lot.

This getting in touch with your emotions thing though? Well it’s a bloody rollercoaster.

I’m not a crier ,never have been. Since my feelings returned though and the numb left me it’s as though I’m feeling everything in 100% high definition 4D in my face intensity 

I’m glad about this , honestly I am. Numb isn’t a nice way to be . It protects you from the horrid but it robs you from the joy. I am feeling now ,all whipped up in a rush of emotions. It’s overwhelming but I’m grateful.

Turns out though underneath the ice queen exterior is a total cry baby. I’ve shed emotional tears over some pretty ridiculous stuff lately though. Want to hear?

THIS…..

Although this one isn’t ridiculous.

When the new Doctor was revealed and those female eyes were shown …well firstly I screamed. Then I cried. It may seem to some a silly thing to cause a tear but to me as a woman this is huge ,just massive.I had hoped with all my might that she would be a woman but deep in my heart I didn’t believe she would be. We have change. It touched me hugely and unexpectedly.

The Doctor is a woman.

A Yorkshire lass at that.

Watch out Daleks.

(PS men moaning that this ruins their childhood and that the only decent male role model for little boys has been taken away from them.Well I’ve an idea ,why don’t you work on being a positive role model yourself and drop the misogyny.)

More ridiculous things I’ve cried about though are these.
How empowering Let It Go is during Disney Karaoke with the kids.
Because the eldest was reading the youngest Harry Potter.
The LaLa land date on Love Island
Because small girl was just described as a good role model for younger kids in her school report.
Because the boys put on THAT Windass goal.
Because a lovely comment was left on my blog.

You know what though,it all felt good. This wasn’t sad weeping it was just feeling. I’m a beginner you see? All these feels are a hard thing to learn to manage.

So happy to be finally feeling all these emotions I could almost shed a tear over that itself!!!

As The Doctor would say though ” Where there’s tears there’s hope.

Wise words 
Where’s the tissues??!!

A boys first love – A guest post from my eldest

I couldn’t let the 20th anniversary of Harry Potter pass without comment. JK Rowling is a hero and inspiration of mine. Harry Potter though , well I know a guy who can talk about his love for that with way more passion than me.

My 16 year old first born. He fell in love with the books as a little little kid . They’re his go to books when he’s had a bad day or is ill or just needs a bit of comfort. I’ll let him tell you all about it,

 

 

Harry Potter. Where do I even start? Hooked at 6 finished by 11. Almost cried when I didn’t get my Hogwarts letter but it probs just got lost, it’s cool, yours did too, right?

I won’t claim to be an expert, for some it means more, and many know more. It will always have a special little scar spaced slot in my heart, from crying when I was younger, when the actor for Dumbledore died, so I was of course terrified that without Dumbledore, who would stop Voldemort? All the way to the woman sat behind us when we saw the last movie, who sobbed all the way through.

But in so many ways it’s so much more than a story. The idea that one happy memory (a patronus) can hold away an army of negativity (dementors) is an incredibly powerful one, as she says “help can always be found at Hogwarts, for those who ask for it” (or sommat like that anyway) That message is incredibly powerful.

Teaching young children about toxic environments, and encouraging imagination will have an impact for generations to come. There will never be a day that someone in the world doesn’t think a positive thought about Harry Potter, and in turn JK Rowling.

Somewhere, in a small café  in Scotland, one woman created a story and a universe that would last long in the memories of millions, some like me who hadn’t even been considered, yet alone born. She would change the lives of millions, and create strong role models for all, no matter what your age, race, gender, or sexuality namely herself, Emma Watson, or even Rupert Grint, for gingers everywhere!

I’ve read so many fan theories, from small little sad ones, like how Sirius and Harry had such a strong relationship because whenever they looked at each other, they both wished to see James.Simply insane ones too, like that Dumbledore is a time travelling Ron Weasely. Each day a new theory pops onto my facebook news feed, and that is how you know when something truly amazing has been created, when after 2 decades, people still can’t get enough, and that is the sign of a true legend.

It creates moral issues, like whether Snape is a good guy or not.I mean apparently abusing and bullying innocent school children isn’t an issue anymore, but that’s a whole different blog, possible series. But it gets young minds thinking on their own, raising their own moral issues, and allows them to gather their own opinion and voice it. In this world, there is nothing more important than standing up for what you believe is right, and that is exactly what she has started to encourage teenagers to do.

It makes us cry, laugh, and fume, sometimes all at the same time. And I could, have done, and almost definitely will reread them over and over again, because with truly beautiful, informative and intelligent writing you learn something new on every page.There is absolutely nothing bad about that, it means that generations upon generations will be passed down books from their parents, grandparents, and great grandparents, and millions will be inspired by her writing, inspired to be a Harry, and do good. For that, from billions of potterheads across the globe, thank you JK Rowling

“We’ve all got both light and dark inside of us. What matters is the part we choose to act on. That’s who we really are”. -Sirius Black, Harry Potter And The Order Of The Phoenix.    JK Rowling.


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50 shades of dozy……

 

 

Today I got to lunchtime before realising I’d been  walking around all day with my dress on inside out.

I’d like to tell you that this was a one off hilarious anecdote.

It was not.

This is my life.

 

 

I really can’t understand it. I like to think I’m a fairly intelligent woman, but for one reason or another my head is permanently in the clouds. It’s been the same all my life so I can’t even blame getting older. When my (3 years younger than me ) sister and I used to go out places she was always the one my mam trusted to look after money or anything important.

 

 

I’ve given up on even getting frustrated with myself now . Pointless .

 

So inspired by today’s dress fiasco I have decided to put together a list of my top 10 dozy related incidents. At least it make you giggle or just be glad you don’t have to put up with me….

 

 

 

10) Losing stuff

Now this isn’t technically one incident but one life long incident. I lose everything, how I’ve never left one of the kids behind somewhere before now is nothing short of a minor miracle. Numerous purses , phones , bags have fallen by the wayside over the years. I once left all our swimming gear on a train. 5 PEOPLE’S towels , costumes ,toiletries I got off the train and left behind!!!

I once even lost a dining chair ??An actual chair!! What the hell? Concentrate Kelly!!

 

 

9) The tree incident

There I was one day , walking along the main road to school , minding my own business having a little daydream as I do ( probably about what I was going to eat next) and before I knew it , so ensconced in my daydream was I that I failed to notice my hair had become wrapped around a tree branch. By the time I realised I was chained to a tree by my hair I began to panic , but also I was on a busy main road and didn’t want to appear a total loon trying to rip my hair free from a branch…

I think I styled it out…probably

 

 

8) The knickers

Have you ever had a stranger stop their car on the same busy road mentioned in number 9 to tell you your skirt is tucked into your knickers??

No you normal people with active brains and who live on THIS planet will say , why we’ve not tucked our skirt into our knickers since we were 5.

I have , and not just the once either..mortifying!!!I mean what’s the appropriate response other than blushing and hoping the ground will swallow you up.

 

 

 

7) The Bag of Doom

The bag of doom is the biggest bone of contention between small girl’s daddy and I . The Bag of Doom is the overnight bag that travels between each of our houses in our harmonious co parenting journey to give us an extra thing to bicker about.

You know the drill , cuddly toys she needs for sleep and the like , school uniform , shoes. The essentials. Now knowing what a pain in the arse grump organised person he is I really should save myself the earache and get it right. I try. I write lists and everything . Sometimes I convince myself I’ve cracked it , I’ve packed this bag perfectly . There shall be no passive aggressive Bag of Doom texts . 5 mins later my phone beeps with a text

KELLY IT WOULD HAVE BEEN REALLY HELPFUL FOR YOU TO HAVE SENT HER COAT IN THIS TORENTIAL RAIN

Balls!!!! The thing is I start out with the bag , but then someone needs something or I get distracted and in all actuality I reckon I could be a goldfish with one of those 10 seconds memories or whatever it is

 

 

6)The inset day incident

Yes I took my kids to school on inset day….only once though?! Progress?!

 

 

5) The puddle incident

Out with a very handsome chap I was wowing him with my effervescent chat and sparkling wit (or the boobs one or the other) when actually I was so busy swooning over him , I forgot to pay attention to where my feet were, fell over them and landed in a puddle.

Seductive work Kelly , not a clue why the guys aren’t queuing round the block.

 

 

 

4) The where’s my phone? Incident

Small girl’s daddy had given me a lift home from school or something like that but when I got home I realised in typical me fashion I’d left my phone in his car. AAArgghh but I love my phone I must get it back thinks I . Calls him up to ask if he’d found my phone in his car

“which phone Kelly ?The one you’re calling me from right now?”

Oh…yeah…

Feel sorry for the guy yet?

 

 

3) Bag of Doom pt 2

Went to drop off Bag of Doom at daddy’s.

Was on the train before I realised I’d left the bag at home.

Went back for bag

Got back on the train.

Was daydreaming and decided to go the next stop on and go shopping

Went shopping.

Got home , still with the Bag of Doom about my person.

Got on the train…again….

Seriously Kelly ….get your shit together!!!

 

 

 

2) Today’s dress incident

All day long I was walking around with the labels on the outside of my dress.

Stylish!!

1)The shoe incident

OK the finale …

One day , I took small girl to school only on the train home did I glance at my feet and see this

 

 Whole other planet , I tell you 


My Facebook page is here

Me, Being Mummy



Naptime Natter

A love letter to mum bloggers…

 

Dear Mummy Bloggers ,

 

After the vileness of THAT ridiculous article by Anna May Mangan about how we are bringing the country to its knees with our gin soaked potato waffles ( oo wonder if that could work!) in that horrific newspaper that the devil would be proud of I felt compelled to tell you all how much I bloody love you.

 

 

As a mum blogger I love my little blog. I like having a little corner of the internet that’s mine. I’m proud of my blog too. Blogging makes me brave enough to share my thoughts in public . I’m grateful to my blog for being part of a really helpful therapy in my recovery from abuse.

 

 

Do you know what I like more though?

 

Your blogs.

 

I love reading your blogs , I love sharing them , I love finding a brand new blog then bingeing ( that spike in your views where you panic someone is reading everything you’ve ever written …that’s probably me!)

 

 

My favourites being those of you who bite the bullet and write really honestly about the realities of motherhood. Strangely I take it as a given that you all love your kids to pieces , I take it that we all know how lucky we are to have created actual humans who get to share our lives with . I don’t assume unless I see #blessed on your social media you’re just not that fond of them!

Reading your blogs full of love and joy and happiness is uplifting . Finding an idea for a new day out by reading reviews on your blog is really helpful.

When you share with us though , quite often in a raw manner , that sometimes you struggle. When you comment on how bloody hard this parenting lark can be. That some days it all feels impossible. That’s so very important too.

 

 

Parenting can be isolating . It’s terrifying. It’s so much harder having to deal with the constant feeling of being judged whether that’s by the woman tutting in the supermarket , your mother in law , your ex partner or a bloody national newspaper.

 

 

For an ordinary mum having one of those impossible days. Maybe she’s not seen another adult in a week. Maybe she’s exhausted and desperate and feels like this mummy gig is just too tough for her. Maybe she feels like a failure and is too worried to reach out in case everyone else agrees she’s a useless mother.

Well your blogs help save their sanity.

Maybe this tired mum comes across your blogs on an impossible day. Reads that other mums out there have had impossible days , that it’s normal , that she is not the only one. That she is not in fact a failure but a member of a massive club. A club full of women who have impossible days sometimes fish fingers and gin and all. That can feel like the biggest relief , the weight of the world falling from your shoulders. It’s a comfort to know that sometimes impossible days are followed by magical days. It’s a comfort that there are women out there who you can identify with and communicate with and that it’s ok to find it tough.

 

 

You’re not just a sanity saver though mum bloggers. You’re entertainment.

 

There are some supremely talented writers out there.

 

Blogging is not merely a load of self indulgent mums having a moan. So many topics are covered in this umbrella of the ‘mum blog’ Inspirational , moving writing covering heavy topics. Racism , mental health ,divorce, politics , feminism , abuse , grief all covered in various of your blogs I’ve read and written well. These are not just fluffy headed women half drunk on their 11am gin indulgently bleating about how shit it is to be a mum despite what the Daily Mail think. I’m unsure the writer of this particular piece has ever really read much of your work.

 

 

You’re funny too , so funny!! Your witty , intelligent writing can cheer up a miserable grey day!

 

 

So sneer all you want Daily Mail. You hate women as it is , of course you’ll feel threatened by a group of them who don’t behave as you think they should. Who build women up, who stand in solidarity with one another. Female empowerment was never really going to be your thing though. We’ve seen your poking fun at unflattering bikini shots and your misogynist headlines. To be frank some of the pieces I’ve been unlucky enough to come across from your ‘newspaper’ are nothing short of a hate crime .

 

Well love wins over hate.

 

Mum bloggers I bloody love you!!!

 

Kelly xxx

 

 

Shameless plug : If you like my nonsense and fancy nominating me in the #BiBs2017 you can do so just here http://www.britmums.com/nominate-for-the-bibs2017/





Naptime Natter



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Mummy in a Tutu

 
 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

#Blogtober17 Day 7 – Goals The identity crisis bucket list! 

Earlier in the month I wrote about how now the children are getting older and a little less dependent I’m feeling  wobbly and unsettled about who I am as a woman, not just a mum. 

How do you find out who you are though? I’m a bit short on babysitters, time and cash to go off on some retreat of self discovery in the Himalayas for 6 months.

I thought a good place to start was think about things I like doing. The important word being I rather than ‘we’. I know what we like doing as a family. I’ve spent the vast majority of the past 17 years finding things ‘we’ like doing and I really, really hope there are years and years of that to come.

I am lucky though in that I do generally  get a weekend a month to myself when my elder kids are with grandma and small girl is with daddy. I’ve even almost a fortnight in the summer holidays – that’s too long though I’ll be moaning about missing the kids by day 3. I’ve gotten better at utilising my child free time though. I did spend years just sitting home whinging about being lonely. I just need to keep doing that, maximising my free time . Try and find that woman that’s tucked away in here, rediscover the passions and interests that don’t lie solely on keeping these gorgeous human beings of mine alive and well.

I did what I always do.
Made a list.
It’s nothing earth shattering or awe inspiring but just a gentle start of remembering or discovering what makes me tick when the kids aren’t around.
Can I share them?

Go camping – on my own 

I’m a fan of doing stuff alone. I’m the advocate of the solo date, I enjoy my own company. I’m quite lucky where I live too with the Peak District almost on the doorstep so one weekend when I’m heartlessly abandoned by my children I’m just going to go walking up there. Look at beautiful scenery and collect my thoughts to the picturesque backdrop.

Go to Edinburgh fringe festival 

I’ve always wanted to do this. Wall to wall theatre and art. The children are away for over a week during the summer and I’m going to have myself a little holiday and head Northwards for some culture!

*update – did this , wrote about how I came back a changed woman here )

Exercise 

Stay with me here I’m not going to go all gym bunny on you. I loathe the thought of running and swimming so much so it actually puts me off doing it. This is really silly because when I do go for a proper run I do enjoy it. Working up a bit of a sweat with just my cringe worthy play list for company always makes me feel really good. Running is great for keeping my anxiety at bay too. So I’m going to stop being a lazy arse and get out there.

Write the book (or at least try) 

Everyone has a book I them don’t they say?  Mine is just struggling a bit with the getting out part. Do you know why? Because I feel daft. I worry that people would think “bloody hell we have to put up with her shockingly shite writing with her blog – who does she think she is writing a book?”

It could be true. I could invest time and effort only to produce the world’s worst book, but even if this were to be the case well it’d not have hurt anyone would it?

Let’s crack on with that.

Visit new places 

I read a short story by Jenny Colgan once called Paris For One. A woman gets stood up by her boyfriend and ends up visiting Paris alone. I’ve wanted to follow suit ever since.  I spent my younger years child rearing so have never really seen anywhere I’d have liked to yet. I might not manage Paris but I could start off with some UK cities surely?

So that’s my list so far.

I’ll bore you to death with tales of my adventures ticking them off but I feel so much happier just having written them down. I’ve showed them to you guys too so that means  I HAVE to do them right?

So here’s to making the most of child free weekends instead of moaning about abandonment.

After all the children certainly aren’t pining for me when they’re having fun at  grandma’s or having adventures with daddy!

 

 

 

Like my Facebook blog page to follow my adventures


 



 

Practical ways I tell my anxiety to keep away!

Anxiety sucks.

 

It can turn your average day into an overthought , catastrophizing nightmare.

 

I don’t have the cure I’m afraid .

 

I’ve read all the info , I know exercise , good nights sleep , healthy food and not drinking wine or overdosing on chocolate are what I’m meant to be doing to keep anxiety at bay. Not much fun though are they?

 

I can’t run when I’ve convinced myself I’m going to faint at any minute …and probably on the road…then I’ll get run over and killed… and then what will the kids do….Yes that’s my actual thought process during an anxious moment. Total pain in the arse.

 

I’ve never managed to stop that horrific pain through my stomach and my face going numb by eating kale.

 

How the hell am I meant to get a good nights sleep when I can barely breathe with the panic?

 

 

I know these tips are the sensible ones. Sometimes a run does blast away the panic , sometimes a long sleep stops the overthinking.

 

 

Over the years though  , I’ve gotten to grips with my anxiety to an extent. It’s personal to me and I know how to nip an episode in the bud quite often , I know how to calm myself . They may sound a bit odd but anxiety is a personal thing , there’s no one size fits all solution. Maybe some of mine may work for you . Here’s how I tell anxiety to just p**s off!!!

 

 

Phone calls to my sister.

If I’m feeling a bit wobbly , or I feel unsettled this is my go to activity. Chat , especially idle gossip and thoughtless chat is a distraction. Add to that my sisters familiar voice and calms me down.

I’m not suggesting you all ring my sister when you’re panicky , though as I always say if I could clone her I’d give you all a copy – she’s ace!!

Maybe if you have someone with whom you can partake in chit chat as a distraction though , a familiar voice , a calming influence though this could work for you .

 

Monday vlog indulgence

Could be a bit niche this one …stay with me.

Monday’s are always a pain in the bum aren’t they? A good start to a week though can do wonders for my head. I also love a vlog , I’m a blogger , I’m nosy why wouldn’t I?

Starting the week by watching Marian Keyes weekly vlog sets me up nicely for the week . She’s funny , she’s engaging, she’s pretty , she’s smiley ( I’m pretty sure the accent helps too) I am a big fan of her books and she’s a bit of a Twitter crush of mine if truth be told. Being told stories is another on the anxiety cheat sheet and well ,  Marian is as fab at telling stories verbally as she is writing them down. The vlogs start my Monday with a smile. In fact I recommend them (  link here : https://www.youtube.com/user/himselfkeyes) to all of you , even if you’re not quite as nutty as me!)

 

 

Joining in with small girl

My 8 year old does everything with zeal. There is no half hearted with her. On a wobbly day , taking a leaf out of her book and just joining in with her is as therapeutic as anything I know.

If it’s feeding the ducks we’re throwing the food as far as we can , if it’s drawing or colouring it takes every bit of focus we have. If it’s dancing it’s with every bit of our body.

It seems when I put my absolute all into any activity it’s really hard for my anxiety to take a grip on my mind.

 

 

Watching stand up

An obvious one really.

From the school of fake it ’till you make it!! If I’m laughing anxiety does not stand a chance.

 

 

Writing

Could be a blog post , could be a letter (yes I still write those – how quaint am I?)

More likely though it’s just a total mind dump into a notebook.

When I am anxious I overthink.

This never ends well for me , especially when it all just swirls around my mind like some kind of brain bothering hurricane. The reason I ever started this blog was because I’ve always found that writing down what bothers me helps . Having a million thoughts whizzing around this head each one causing another hundred in an anxious chain reaction means I’m not going to feel great. Picking up a pen , writing them down uncensored gets the thoughts out of the nutty mind and into a notebook where they become much less powerful. I can see how ridiculous they are written there in black in white.Then I can shut the notebook and walk away. It helps.

 

 

They’re little things , but sometimes little things help.

 

Do you have any little tricks that keep your anxiety in it’s place or that can calm you ?

 

I’d love to hear them.

xxx
 



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