BlogCrush week 84 – September 21st 2018

Welcome to the weekend!!!

I loved the blogcrush linky waaaaayy before I was part of the team. I love the idea of sharing someone elses fab work as well as your own !!

If it’s your first time here WELCOME!!!!! Have a read through the rules then add your posts!!

#BlogCrush

The Rules

  • Join in with 2 posts:
    • 1 post from your blog (personal) – no linkies please
    • 1 post from someone else’s blog (your #BlogCrush)
  • When you add your BlogCrush (post written by someone else) to the InLinkz form, put “BC” at the beginning of their title
  • Tweet your BlogCrush (& us) to let them know you’ve added them to the linky and share their link (@lucy_at_home and @daydreamer_mum). Please tweet us your own BlogCrush posts too so we can share them for you.
  • Comment using the #BlogCrush hashtag on at least these 4 posts:
    • 1 post from Host 1 (personal or BC)
    • 1 post from Host 2 (personal or BC)
    • 2x personal posts from the rest of the link up

So that’s a minimum of 4 posts.

Don’t forget to add our lovely badge

Lucy At Home Blogcrush Week 68

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If you’re here because someone has chosen your post as their #BlogCrush then Congratulations to you!! Good job!!
Help yourself to our brilliant badge!!

Lucy At Home Blogcrush Week 68

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My featured post this week is by Miller In The City just here

Lucy Chose Toffee apples and inspire recipes

Have a great week everyone!!!

Aaarrggh so.sorry but if you could just add your post over with Lucy for the time being that would be fabulous whilst I straighten out a problem or two. She’s just here

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BlogCrush week 83 – 14th September 2018

Welcome to the weekend!!!

Been a bit of a quiet week here ! Teen boy the younger started sixth form . It’s so odd as in my mind when I started sixth form I was oh so grown up , not his age !!!He seems to be settling into it though.

I loved the blogcrush linky waaaaayy before I was part of the team. I love the idea of sharing someone elses fab work as well as your own !!

If it’s your first time here WELCOME!!!!! Have a read through the rules then add your posts!!

#BlogCrush

The Rules

  • Join in with 2 posts:
    • 1 post from your blog (personal) – no linkies please
    • 1 post from someone else’s blog (your #BlogCrush)
  • When you add your BlogCrush (post written by someone else) to the InLinkz form, put “BC” at the beginning of their title
  • Tweet your BlogCrush (& us) to let them know you’ve added them to the linky and share their link (@lucy_at_home and @daydreamer_mum). Please tweet us your own BlogCrush posts too so we can share them for you.
  • Comment using the #BlogCrush hashtag on at least these 4 posts:
    • 1 post from Host 1 (personal or BC)
    • 1 post from Host 2 (personal or BC)
    • 2x personal posts from the rest of the link up

So that’s a minimum of 4 posts.

Don’t forget to add our lovely badge

Lucy At Home Blogcrush Week 68

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If you’re here because someone has chosen your post as their #BlogCrush then Congratulations to you!! Good job!!
Help yourself to our brilliant badge!!

Lucy At Home Blogcrush Week 68

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My Featured Post this week is Frozen Flowers : An early learning STEAM activity

Lucy chose summer craft ideas

HOST POST

My post this week follows a bit of a blog -wobble where I’m just not sure where I fit A blog life crisis

A blog life crisis!

Warning – This may end up being one long whinge!

Extra warning – it’s blog related so lovely friends and family who read my stuff to be supportive , I’ll not hold it against you if you give this one a miss!!

I’ve fallen out with my blog a bit recently . I do that from time to time , decide I’m going to pack it all in then usually get a grip of myself within a couple days .

It’s a bit different this time though. I love writing my blog . At almost 4 and a half years this is the one hobby I’ve not gotten bored and dropped after a couple months! I’m just having a bit of a blogging identity crisis!!

My blog is quite like me ( unsurprisingly )It’s a bit clumsy and haphazard . As such I don’t think I’m really a ‘proper’ blogger. I mean :

I’ve been saying for years I’m going to go self hosted but I don’t like change and tech scares me !!

I don’t post regularly at the same time and days each week (I know that’s a golden rule !)

I just couldn’t do that. I just and write or type when I feel I’ve something to say. I can’t schedule that . Hmmm brain I have scheduled 2pm of a Thursday for creative genius if you don’t mind . I am just being daft here of course . I know some folk have weeks worth of posts all written up and ready to go . For me however , if I’ve felt motivated enough to get writing about it I want to tell people about it right now!!

I don’t have a niche ( another golden rule)

I did at the beginning . When this blog was just about life after domestic abuse , telling my story. I do go back to that and I always will because women have told me reading those kind of posts comforts them that they are not the only one going through it . That’s not the sum total off my life experiences though. I cover mental health and my anxiety disorder. I write about parenting though as the kids are getting older I seem to be doing a lot more writing about rediscovering who I am when I’m not mum. My blog has evolved to cover whatever is on my mind at any given time and honestly the way my brain works that’s pretty diverse.

My kids are the wrong age . Most of the bloggers I see and read and am aware of have much younger children than me . I cannot get the teens to play ball and look cute !

So you see , I’m just not sure I fit there but if not there where then?

I’m certainly not a writer , punctuation and I have deep seated issues and I’ve noticed I’ve started using the terms ‘gonna ‘ and ‘wanna’ a lot. Not a writers behaviour . I just write as I speak and unfortunately I waffle a hell of a lot .

I sure as hell aren’t an influencer. My Insta is a wreck due to a rubbish camera on my phone and the fact that neither my house , wardrobe nor kids are insta compatible!! I’ve never done a review or a giveaway or a sponsored post so that’s influencer out the window !!

So I’m just unsure of my place .

I guess really I’ve never bothered about fitting in in any area of my life before . I don’t know why I feel I should here .

I certainly don’t want to stop wittering away on my blog. It’s soooo much cheaper than therapy and even if I never published another post I’d still be scribbling away in my many notebooks !! Maybe on this one I just have to do me . Not get too caught up in niches and schedules and just continue to write when I’ve something to say. Waffle first and worry about where it fits later ??

Anyone else have blog crisis’ ?? Just me and my overthinking brain??

So long summer….

Well summer didn’t exactly break it to us gently it was going to leave did it ? One day we were there wandering about in the sunshine could barely remember what a coat was then just like that – back to school , sun vanishes , hello Autumn!!

Autumn usually is my favourite time of year . I love the colours of the leaves and the chill in the air but this year I just really enjoyed all the warm weather we were spoilt with and I’m sad to see it go.

To cheer myself up I decided to think about what I’m looking forward to about the rest of the year…

Comfort Food

Summer was fab but I have to admit to not exactly serving Michelin starred dinners . Cold meats , salads and new potatoes were a staple . Oh and picnics (letting the kids eat sandwiches outside !)

This though is slow cooker season!! Stews and dumplings , pies and big , hearty carb heavy dinners ! Yum!

Cosy jumpers

Although I generally get the autumn/winter look wrong I bloody love a jumper !! I love even more a big jumper dress a la Tiffany in the 80’s (Ah look being fashionable has always deserted me ) jumper dress with a thick black tights assist and I’m happy as Larry -whoever he was . Wonder what he was so happy about. I’ll Google that !

Seasonal festivities

I’ve never been a Halloween fan but small girl loves it so I kind of get swept up in it and am much more willing to make an effort with it these days and dress up ,find a party to go to , do Halloween crafts .

I have to admit I do usually leave Bonfire Night to small girl’s daddy. If there’s an amazing upside to parenting separately it’s that you can pass on the stuff you don’t like doing .

I’m not going to mention the C word just yet ….but come on I’m no Grinch that’s Def something to look forward to.

Hull Fair

This is a bit of niche one I guess for those of you who aren’t from Hull.

We have a huge huge fair for a week in October.

I’ve not been to the fair since I left Hull but I am determined to get there this year. I’m pretty sure it’s a nostalgia thing from when you are little and I should probably keep it there rather than go and end up underwhelmed but any excuse to wander about eating patties and brandy snap sounds good to me!!!

Doctor Who

Actually hang on it’s a bit more exciting than that…

DOCTOR WHO!!!

Aaarrggh!!!Soooooo excited !!!!

Ok , so yes Doctor Who .

The Doctor is a woman …but not only that …

She is a Yorkshire woman…not only that…

She’s Jodie Whittaker.

I can’t wait to see how this brand new era on my favourite TV show pans out.

Alongside that Doctor Who is the only show that we will all of us come and sit and watch together and watch in real time . That’s really special .

So I guess as lovely as skipping about in summer dresses bare legged and eating al fresco was . I have to admit . A big Sunday roast followed by getting into fluffy PJs and watching Doctor Who does hold a huge appeal .

* Who’s Larry and why is he so happy ??
It originates from a boxer called Larry Foley in the 1890s, before boxing was fully legalised. He won the biggest prize of about $150,000 and a newspaper article in New Zealand had the headline “Happy As Larry” and the phrase stuck.

Blogcrush week 82 – September 7th 2018

Happy Friday you beautiful blogcrush folk!!!

Did we survive back to school ok? I know some people get all grumpy about it but I for one have LOVED seeing cute little back to school pics on social media !!! My baby has headed into her last year of primary school!!! I’m not ok with this !!We have to look at High Schools over next few weeks !!Nooooooooo

I loved the blogcrush linky waaaaayy before I was part of the team. I love the idea of sharing someone elses fab work as well as your own !!

#BlogCrush

The Rules

  • Join in with 2 posts:
    • 1 post from your blog (personal) – no linkies please
    • 1 post from someone else’s blog (your #BlogCrush)
  • When you add your BlogCrush (post written by someone else) to the InLinkz form, put “BC” at the beginning of their title
  • Tweet your BlogCrush (& us) to let them know you’ve added them to the linky and share their link (@lucy_at_home and @daydreamer_mum). Please tweet us your own BlogCrush posts too so we can share them for you.
  • Comment using the #BlogCrush hashtag on at least these 4 posts:
    • 1 post from Host 1 (personal or BC)
    • 1 post from Host 2 (personal or BC)
    • 2x personal posts from the rest of the link up

So that’s a minimum of 4 posts.

Don’t forget to add our lovely badge

Lucy At Home Blogcrush Week 68

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We are lucky enough to be able to choose our featured blogger every week .

if that’s you yay!!!! Please add the special badge …. you’re one of the family(said in a Peggy Mitchell voice) now

Lucy At Home Blogcrush Week 68

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Here are the host BC posts for BlogCrush Week 82:

Kelly’s choice is Looking Forward to Life Over Fifty Kate on Thin Ice

Lucy’s choice is journey to alarmageddon by Endastories

My post this week follows on from a bit of a Twitterstorm I have found myself caught up in – word to the wise ? Never think anything you put on Twitter is just for your Twitter pals !! I know how old am I 10? Basics of the internet Kelly What I learnt about people , through Twitter

https://static.inlinkz.com/cs2.js

What I learnt about people , through Twitter

Yesterday was a crazy day for me in the world of Twitter.

I like Twitter. I know it gets a bit of a kicking but I think it’s my fave social media. Maybe I just follow a shedload of cool people but it’s a happy , intelligent ,informative ,funny place my little Twitter world.

Things I usually tweet about :

The kids

Eating crisps in bed

How much I fancy and love Andy Murray

Doctor Who

Strictly

Bake Off

What I’m eating

Feminism

Domestic abuse

My Co-parenting woes

It can be pretty deep or totally light hearted and silly and I love it for that .

The day before yesterday I tweeted about a situation my eldest daughter had been in at school

Not going to go on about this incident because I think it’s clear for everyone to see it’s utter bullshit , never should have happened. She went to her talk and she still fancies doing an engineering apprenticeship after school.

The response to this tweet though was crazy. I mean I tweet some utter shite and my lovely Twitter pals over there indulge me often but I’m only a teeny blogger Doctor Who type girl. I don’t have a million followers and generally a handful of people like my tweets .

This tweet had tens of thousands of responses . Given the subject matter I was grateful, but still I’m not used to this stuff . However , I did learn an awful lot about people in the following 24 hours . They mainly fell into 3 groups :

The “there’s something she’s not telling us here” brigade

So there were a fair few men who thought I was trying to mislead the world with my tweet. That I was holding back on the ‘real’ story.

Firstly Dave or whatever you’re called probably @ladzbantz or something similar. Noone really reads my tweets and the folk who do tend to take them at face value, because that’s what they are . That’s how I use social media – to regale folk with my mostly mundane anecdotes. I didn’t for one second expect one of my witterings to be seen by thousands of people. I don’t carefully construct each tweet just on the off chance Dave from Walsall happens to come across it on his lunch. If any of my tweets were going to go nuts to be honest I’d have preferred it to be one about how they need to bring back Spiras as at least then I might have had half a chance at getting my own my way.

Secondly…what the hell could I be concealing from this story. Ooo sorry I neglected to mention throughout proceedings my daughter had a t -shirt on saying Down With Engineering on it !! Oh and she has engineers suck tattooed on her forehead.??

I’m afraid it really was as simple as I told it .

The #neverhappened crew

These are a weird bunch and there are loads of them.

They go to the effort of retweeting my tweet just so they can put #neverhappened in front of it !!

Some go that extra mile of course . One went to all the effort to retweet my tweet preceding it with “in the history of things that didn’t happen . This one didn’t happen the most” Ahhhhh clever work there Simon I see what you did lad , crack on !!

Again I’m bemused in two different ways here .

Firstly – why would you feel obliged to comment on something that wasn’t aimed at or intended for you (I get social media but I only expected my usual Twitter folk to see it as usual!)Why wouldn’t you do what I do as I scroll Facebook occasionally and read a status and think ‘Well that’s a lie ‘ and carry on with my day.

If I were going to be making something up it’d be something spectacular like I was going to be the next Doctor !! I don’t understand the need to comment on something that doesn’t concern you .

The second bit is a bit more sinister.

It’s the silencing thing. The silencing of women speaking out about inequality and sexism. These men will tell me what I know to have happened, didn’t. Classic gaslighting tactics .

One lovely fella went to the effort of telling me “this simply didn’t happen , if anything it’d be boys being forced into childcare talks”

Ah thanks for your input there Brian. Apologies for popping onto your timeline. You get back to flicking through the Sun bemoaning the fact you no longer get tits with your tea break . I assume this guy finds childcare a task unsuitable for boys ? If he’s concerned about young men being forced into childcare . Surely that’s not because looking after children is ‘womens work’ .

There’s something about highlighting how far we still have to go in search of equality that frightens the living daylights out of some men . Very much a feeling of ‘bloody hell we gave you the vote , hush now ‘

I was told this is what happens when the Trump bashers and Brexit haters takeover . They make up this kind of feminazi nonsense . Well blow me down with a feather Lee from Scunthorpe you have me perfectly right. Cancel Derren Brown everyone Lee here is a mind reader ! I actually AM anti Trump and didn’t vote Brexit AND am a feminist ….yeah it’s definitely me who shouldn’t be trusted .

I’m not going to be hushed by a load of guys on the internet. Telling me something I know to have happened didn’t happen isn’t going to intimidate me or cause me sleepless nights worrying about why a guy off the internet doesn’t believe me .

It’s dark though that this is some men’s immediate response . It’s almost as it they are worried about their place in the world should equality happen.

Then , though , then we get the biggest group of people . 95% of them I’d say and so you know what Twitter taught me about people as far as they are concerned? That people are awesome!!

The how can we help bunch of absolute gems

I have had offers from businesses to go into school to talk , offers for teen girl to go and look around workplaces. So many encouraging words , being put in touch with inspirational women who are happy to chat to my daughter about being a woman in a male dominated industry. I’ve had lovely messages from lovely women offering their support and am just overwhelmed one tiny little ranty tweet could elicit a response such as this . I feel empowered on my daughter’s behalf and she’s as amazed as I am.

Something else I learned from these amazing women excelling in an industry that shunned them for a long time?? Well the likes of Dave , Brian and Lee aren’t going to like it but women are in there smashing it and encouraging other women to go and join them.

The future looks bright.

*apologies to any Dave , Brians and Lees

5 Back to School lies I’ll tell myself…

To put it mildly I’m not the world’s most organised and efficient mum. There are areas in my life where I can be highly efficient but parenting just seems to miss out on that side to me . I’m the one having to buy cakes for coffee morning on the way to school because I only remembered I should have baked some when I woke in a panic at 3am. I’m the one who has to take in forgotten PE kits or leotards because gymnastic club slipped my mind.

September for me though is like my New Year. It’s my chance to start again. To be one of the mums I’m in awe have who always know what is going on and always have the appropriate equipment on the correct day.

I know myself well enough though that making myself a load of promises is setting me up to fail by October half term and making me feel bad.

I will try though. I’ll try and get my act together and be one of those proper grown ups because on the face of it it’s not tricky. So I’m going to tell myself I’ll do better even if that involves telling myself a few fibs.

I will ensure EVERYTHING is ready the night before

Easy peasy this one.

Clothes , equipment , snacks all sorted of an evening meaning no crazy mornings . No crazy mornings mean calm mum . Calm mum is best for everyone involved.

This one isn’t sooooo much of a fib as a little optimistic. I can do this one. I will do this one .

There’ll be a morning though , one of those mornings where something small goes wrong and things spiral. I’ll hit snooze rather than get straight up , there’ll be no bread , small girl will have initially packed her homework in her bag the night before only deciding at 7 am that she must admire it again then misplacing it causing a crazy hunt , missing the train and that’s it then morning madness. Stressy, snappy mum is ON and no one likes her. Least of all me .

Hearty breakfasts shall rein supreme

When small girl is with daddy ,he makes her a hot breakfast everyday .

I can’t fib to you fine folk this does not happen here. Here breakfast is going to be toast or a bowl of cereal ,or a croissant. Croissants I find are doubly helpful as a breakfast item as when the mornings mentioned above happen they can be eaten on the go.

I’ll tell myself I’m going to step up though. All it would take was getting up half hour earlier , make some pancakes or omelettes ,bacon or sausages (not eggs cos they freak me the hell out -see also baked beans) We shall all sit and start the day together eating a delicious breakfast before we go to start our days .

I really am fibbing to myself here.

This I could keep up for a week , maybe two. The thing that seems to happen in this house is though the more time we have to spare the more things go wrong. I could keep up the getting up early but I’d find myself something else to do and before I knew where I was I’d no longer be lovingly flipping heart shaped pancakes but asking if they wanted jam or nutella on their toast and to HURRY UP. … I know my limitations.

I shall become homework enforcer

Nothing causes a good row here like homework.

Me accusing the teens of doing it in a morning for example which they obviously aren’t this DEFINITELY does not need to be in today OK!!!!

Me suggesting to small girl that maybe her teacher won’t mind if she doesn’t use the special homework pen that she’s left behind at school and maybe as long as it’s done is all that matters .

Seriously what do I know.

This year though , I’ll keep right up to date with what the teens need to be doing when so I know what’s going on . Homework planners will be looked at and we’ll have no morning rushes . I’ll have 3 special homework pens for small girl. I’ll not react in a grumpy snappy fashion when she is snappy and grumpy with me when I suggest getting the work done .

I’m only fooling myself.

The teens seem to stop writing homework in their planners come October , they tell me all their homework is online so YES they need the laptop for it . They’re definitely not browsing online …..nope , no way !!! It all goes downhill from there.

Meal planning will happen

This is one I really mean .

Every time I promise it.

Teas shall be planned in advance , meals shall be cooked and frozen where possible and every night I will know what we are going to have without any Asda panic or freezer roulette .

All sounds great , and organised and would work so well for us ….

Except..

Me !!!! I couldn’t handle the thought of knowing what I was going to eat on Thursday. What if I fancied chilli but it was lasagne , that’d drive me nuts ! So I’ll spoil this one , can’t even blame the kids .

The school run will go smoothly

Our lovely calm mornings will mean we are out of the door in good time to get the early train and we’ll get to school with time to spare .

Yeah the others have been gentle fibs to myself but this one is a whopper .

There are just too many components you see.

I’ve got up nice and early -this much I can do.

The kids have got up and ready without too much nagging and moaning and “Come on get up!” X50

We haven’t lost pe kits or homeworks or water bottles

And so many more .

I’ll achieve the school run goal the majority of days , I will. There’ll be those horrific mornings though when it all goes wrong and we’ll get to school JUST as the lines is going in all rushed .

I am going to try at all these things though , really will. They’d all make my life easier and our mornings calmer.

I’m just realistic enough to know in a house with 5 people all with somewhere to be I’ll not hit every one of this goals ,everyday and beating myself up about it won’t really help.

Come on September 2018 -let’s give it our best!!
I’m taking part in the Mummy Monday linky with Becca from Becca Blogs It Out

Blogcrush week 81- August 31 2018

Hi guys!!!!

It’s there….can you see it ???

The end of the holidays is in sight. A funny one here as I now only have 2 children left in school! Teen boy the younger smashed his exams so he’s off to sixth form to do his A levels and the eldest is away dazzling the world of finance!!.So I’ve just the 2 girls left in school , feels very strange!

BIRTHDAY SHOUT OUT

It is my youngest nephews birthday today ,he’s the littlest of all the cousins so his birthdays whizzing by make me feel so old!

Happy Birthday Ollie!!

I love BlogCrush -The kindest linky in town ,sharing all the lovely blog love.

Here you get to not only share your post but a fave you’ve read recently too!!

About BlogCrush

This linky will take blog post submissions from 6am (BST) Friday until 9pm Sunday. At that time, some thumbnail pictures will appear at the bottom of the post and each one will be a link to a different blog post.

– If you’re a blogger, add 2 posts (1 of yours AND 1 by someone else) by clicking the blue “add your link” button

– If you’re here just because you’re my friends and family and are supportive of my blog , well wait up ,stick around and have a browse. We have some very talented bloggers here.

Hosting this week is

Lucy At Home @lucy_at_home

and me!!!Daydreams of a Mum @daydreamer_mum

If you’ve ever come across an amazing post you want to shout from the rooftops about , this is the linky for you!!

If you’re here because someone has nominated you -huge congratulations !!

Feel free to pick up our pretty badge!!

Lucy At Home Blogcrush Week 68

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The Rules

  • Join in with 2 posts:
    • 1 post from your blog (personal) – no linkies please
    • 1 post from someone else’s blog (your #BlogCrush)
  • When you add your BlogCrush (post written by someone else) to the InLinkz form, put “BC” at the beginning of their title
  • Tweet your BlogCrush (& us) to let them know you’ve added them to the linky and share their link (@lucy_at_home and @daydreamer_mum) Please tweet us your own BlogCrush posts too so we can share them for you.
  • Comment using the #BlogCrush hashtag on at least these 4 posts:
    • 1 post from Host 1 (personal or BC)
    • 1 post from Host 2 (personal or BC)
    • 2x personal posts from the rest of the link up

So that’s a minimum of 4 posts.

Don’t forget to add our beautiful badge

Lucy At Home Blogcrush Week 68

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We get to choose our favourite posts to be featured each week.

This week Lucy has chosen super hero super inappropriate

My fave post last week was this post it made me so nostalgic about small girl and I’s rituals before she started school

Host Post

This week I’m linking up a post about the person I never expected to become

Have a great week everyone can’t wait to read your posts!!

Kelly xxx

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The things I never thought I’d be …

I was in a bit of a reflective mood over the weekend (children were away and I had way too much time on my hands for thinking) and I just thought to myself “imagine what 18 year old me would have thought if she could see 38 year old me’s life now ” I’ve been kind of pondering it ever since .

Back when I was younger I had a grand plan. I would study politics at university , I would be a diplomat and I would travel all over the place in my high flying career (original plan to become a physiotherapist having been ditched because A Level biology was HARD!). I would never have children but I’d probably at some point meet a man with an equally high flying career and get married.

Then life happened .

I became so many things I never thought I’d be .

I became a mother .

This was never in the plan. I didn’t like kids. I certainly didn’t want to have to look after one all the time forever.

So glad I did though. Being a mum has opened me up to so many feelings I don’t think I ever would have felt otherwise. Not because I’m saying you have to be a mum to feel , just I’m quite emotionally repressed as a person anyway (or was for a long time ) being a mum gave me access to emotions that were locked away.

I became a mum of 4 .

Now I never would have seen that one coming , but you know each one of these amazing humans I think were necessary in moulding me into the person I am now. I see little parts of myself in their behaviours and there’s something reassuring in that . Even when it’s teen boy the younger and I having a stubborn – off because neither of us will back down!

I became best friends with my sister

Younger me would have sniffed at the idea of that. We had nothing on common , she was a pain in the arse .

I’ve spoken on the blog before about how losing our mum made us closer and here we now and she’s my favourite human on the planet.

I became a anxious ,slightly mental mess

See this one I probably could have predicted. I’ve always had ridiculously unhealthy coping strategies. I didn’t like strong emotions . I turn myself off to them. I think it’s a tactic I used when my dad died. I just turned off the sad . It seemed to work so I then did it for any uncomfortable emotions and I never had to deal with them.This ‘skill’ was particularly deployed during the abusive relationship.

Obviously mature , wise 38 year old me in hindsight can see this was only going to end one way , and only now with years worth of therapy under my belt do I have better ways to cope. Slightly.

I became a survivor

I’m not the biggest fan of that tag. I don’t know how else to describe it though. I don’t want to use victim. I don’t want to speak about ‘suffering’ domestic abuse. 18 year old me didn’t have a clue the abusive relationship was going to happen. 20 year old me though, 25 year old me ,28 year old me they’d never have believed they’d be free of it. They used to make themselves a promise every single new years eve that this would be the year she left. The first time she absolutely believed it but as time passed she’d accepted this awful life was her fate and she’d never be free. Those younger , damaged versions of me wouldn’t have known or believed that one day something would change . A switch would flick and there would be a day in her life that she’d be free.

Yet here I am!!!

I became a blogger

This IS an interesting turn of events.

I am (or was) a closed book. I don’t talk about my feelings (see earlier reference to being emotionally inarticulate and a little bit nuts) I’m a listener more than a talker and I don’t really like people knowing my business. I just find talking about my feelings really tricky and uncomfortable (my therapist struck gold with me eh?) Writing down my thoughts and feelings though that I can do. There are numerous notebooks in my room to prove it , and always have been really. I can’t verbalise emotion well but writing it down I can do.

Writing it down though ,for other people to read well that’d scare me to death. People knowing what goes on in this topsy turvy head of mine -terrifying.

Yet I did it.

I do it , and it helps the topsy turvy head so much.

So this 38 year old mum of a whole tribe , who escaped a terrible situation and is less mentally well than she’d have expected because of it. This woman who writes down her innermost thoughts and experiences and shares them with the world. 18 year old Kelly wouldn’t have expected this is where she’d be , I don’t even think she’d have approved.

38 year old me though is quite content , and very excited to see where the next 20 years will take us.