Today I got to lunchtime before realising I’d been walking around all day with my dress on inside out.
I’d like to tell you that this was a one off hilarious anecdote.
It was not.
This is my life.
I really can’t understand it. I like to think I’m a fairly intelligent woman, but for one reason or another my head is permanently in the clouds. It’s been the same all my life so I can’t even blame getting older. When my (3 years younger than me ) sister and I used to go out places she was always the one my mam trusted to look after money or anything important.
I’ve given up on even getting frustrated with myself now . Pointless .
So inspired by today’s dress fiasco I have decided to put together a list of my top 10 dozy related incidents. At least it make you giggle or just be glad you don’t have to put up with me….
10) Losing stuff
Now this isn’t technically one incident but one life long incident. I lose everything, how I’ve never left one of the kids behind somewhere before now is nothing short of a minor miracle. Numerous purses , phones , bags have fallen by the wayside over the years. I once left all our swimming gear on a train. 5 PEOPLE’S towels , costumes ,toiletries I got off the train and left behind!!!
I once even lost a dining chair ??An actual chair!! What the hell? Concentrate Kelly!!
9) The tree incident
There I was one day , walking along the main road to school , minding my own business having a little daydream as I do ( probably about what I was going to eat next) and before I knew it , so ensconced in my daydream was I that I failed to notice my hair had become wrapped around a tree branch. By the time I realised I was chained to a tree by my hair I began to panic , but also I was on a busy main road and didn’t want to appear a total loon trying to rip my hair free from a branch…
I think I styled it out…probably
8) The knickers
Have you ever had a stranger stop their car on the same busy road mentioned in number 9 to tell you your skirt is tucked into your knickers??
No you normal people with active brains and who live on THIS planet will say , why we’ve not tucked our skirt into our knickers since we were 5.
I have , and not just the once either..mortifying!!!I mean what’s the appropriate response other than blushing and hoping the ground will swallow you up.
7) The Bag of Doom
The bag of doom is the biggest bone of contention between small girl’s daddy and I . The Bag of Doom is the overnight bag that travels between each of our houses in our harmonious co parenting journey to give us an extra thing to bicker about.
You know the drill , cuddly toys she needs for sleep and the like , school uniform , shoes. The essentials. Now knowing what a pain in the arse grump organised person he is I really should save myself the earache and get it right. I try. I write lists and everything . Sometimes I convince myself I’ve cracked it , I’ve packed this bag perfectly . There shall be no passive aggressive Bag of Doom texts . 5 mins later my phone beeps with a text
KELLY IT WOULD HAVE BEEN REALLY HELPFUL FOR YOU TO HAVE SENT HER COAT IN THIS TORENTIAL RAIN
Balls!!!! The thing is I start out with the bag , but then someone needs something or I get distracted and in all actuality I reckon I could be a goldfish with one of those 10 seconds memories or whatever it is
6)The inset day incident
Yes I took my kids to school on inset day….only once though?! Progress?!
5) The puddle incident
Out with a very handsome chap I was wowing him with my effervescent chat and sparkling wit (or the boobs one or the other) when actually I was so busy swooning over him , I forgot to pay attention to where my feet were, fell over them and landed in a puddle.
Seductive work Kelly , not a clue why the guys aren’t queuing round the block.
4) The where’s my phone? Incident
Small girl’s daddy had given me a lift home from school or something like that but when I got home I realised in typical me fashion I’d left my phone in his car. AAArgghh but I love my phone I must get it back thinks I . Calls him up to ask if he’d found my phone in his car
“which phone Kelly ?The one you’re calling me from right now?”
Feel sorry for the guy yet?
3) Bag of Doom pt 2
Went to drop off Bag of Doom at daddy’s.
Was on the train before I realised I’d left the bag at home.
Went back for bag
Got back on the train.
Was daydreaming and decided to go the next stop on and go shopping
Got home , still with the Bag of Doom about my person.
Got on the train…again….
Seriously Kelly ….get your shit together!!!
2) Today’s dress incident
All day long I was walking around with the labels on the outside of my dress.
1)The shoe incident
OK the finale …
One day , I took small girl to school only on the train home did I glance at my feet and see this
Whole other planet , I tell you