Mothers day hints for single mums

I’m not a fan of Mother’s day. It’s up there with Valentines day for making you feel a bit crap.
I don’t have a mum, I haven’t had for almost 18 years now and the whole Mothers day thing being shoved in my face does sting a bit. Being a single mum also means there’s going to be no day of being spoilt so really I could do without it.

HOWEVER the kids? They bloody love it!  They love making a fuss and so for them really we have to just smile through it.

I’ve been a single mum for getting on for a decade now and I have picked up some hints along the way to share with you.

1) Buy yourself a gift

There’s only one rule here. It doesn’t matter what the gift is but it has to be something you want not that you need! (I see you there thinking about treating yourself to a new iron – No. Not allowed.)

Can be something as simple as a box of chocolates or a trashy magazine. Just have a treat. I’ve tickets to see Wicked (yes again) this year. If you’ve older kids let them wrap it, they love that, it just might take all day day to get through the whole roll of sellotape that’s been used!

Extra handy hint:If you  do go down the chocolate route buy two boxes, you’ll have to share the first one with the little people, have a box B for when they’re in bed!

2) Breakfast in Bed

The kids love the idea of breakfast in bed. Obviously as a single mum this is not going to be a full English brought on a pretty tray after a lazy lie in until 10am. That’s OK, we are adaptable.

Buy croissants and orange juice. After you’ve gotten up at ridiculous o clock and seen to the kids, put on the laundry and more than likely watched more cbeebies than is mentally healthy you can make a big deal out of going back to bed and let the small people fetch pastries and juice. If you’ve older ones you can push the boat out to tea and toast, though you’ll probably have to remake the tea when you ‘get up’ as tea made by children is rarely good. In saying that I’m a bit picky with tea as it is and there’s probably only a handful of adults I’d trust with that job!

3) Take 10 minutes

I know this is way easier said than done but it’s Mother’s day, we’ve got to try and make ten mins peace happen. Let the kids have a bit of extra screen time (do not feel guilty  about it)  take the Sunday papers and a coffee and just sit for a little while. If you’ve a whole tribe of kids like me you can suggest to elder ones that doing a jigsaw with their sibling while you flick through a magazine would be a huge mother’s day treat and sneak a cup of (well made) uninterrupted tea.

4) Speak to a non single mum.

This may sound mean but make it one with a partner who’s not great. Don’t talk to the woman whose perfect husband let her lie in until lunch before waking her with their children clean and dressed before having a great family day. That woman is really lucky and we’re happy for her but being a single mum on mother’s day can feel a bit flat. You see happy families everywhere you turn, letting a mum who does have a partner but the only mention of Mother’s day she’s heard is him asking her what she’s got HIS mum rant will make you realise you’re not alone in your Mother’s day misery.

5) Take social media with a pinch of salt

For every #soblessed perfect family picture there’s rows and bickering children and too much washing and not enough hours in the day.

As single parents we may not have someone to to share the chores or help with parenting duties or even ask how our day’s been and that can be really tough and lonely. Really though all us mums, single or not, are just trying to do our best and not mess up too badly. Don’t let social media be a stick to beat yourself with.

Have a lovely Mother’s Day
You’re doing an amazing job.
You are enough.
You are irreplaceable.
You are entitled to a hot drink and a solo loo trip today!



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Mummy Times Two

 

I’m Going To The Blog On Mosi Conference Icebreaker…. 

​Hi everyone I’m Kelly. 

I blog at daydreams of a mum. 

I’m @daydreamer_mum on Twitter 

Blog on msi is my very first blogging conference. I’m still not sure I’ll dare actually go to be honest – images of being turfed out for not being a ‘proper’ blogger keep flitting through my mind! So this Icebreaker idea I thought was great!! 

Share a recent picture of you (if you are an anonymous blog, a drawing is fine)

Describe yourself in three words

Ridiculously absent minded

How long have you been blogging and what made you start?

4 years. I started as a therapeutic way to document my new life after domestic abuse. Only in the past year though have I been really trying at it as though people may actually read and joining in with the (brilliant) social side! 

What was the inspiration behind your blog name?

I’m legendary for my, they say dozy and gormless, I say daydreamy ways! Daydreams of a mum was born. 

(though I am also stuck with the Kelly and the kids name on wordpress as it looks a total faff to change.. .) 

What is the best thing to come from your blog so far?

Messages from other women who have been through abuse saying that reading my blog makes them realises it’s not just them who feel this way. 

Your most remembered thing from your childhood

Holidays at Butlins with my parents and sister 

Something interesting you might not know about me is . . .

I have a fish phobia-dead or alive they turn my stomach. I’ve never eaten fish in my life. 

Which social media platform best describes your personality and why?Probably Facebook as it combines my blog and writing about things that are really important to me AND bickering with my family! 

What is your happy song?

Flashdance!! 

What is your favourite alcoholic drink

Gin and tonic 

What is your favourite cake?

Aaargh not a huge cake fan! I know I know that’s weird, takes an exceptional one to get my attention 

What is your favourite takeaway dish?

Chicken jalfrezi , rice AND chips and aand chapatti. No I don’t know why my size 10 jeans no longer fit me either. 

Where is your dream holiday destination and why?

Private island in the sunshine! 

If you had a magical power, would you want to have and why?

Teleporting – because EVERY day on the  school run, small girl laments my lack of one and therefore making her legs ache! 

What one weapon would help you survive a zombie apocalypse?

Oh I’d be easy prey, I’m a huge coward! 

What would you have on your gravestone?

She was a bit daft but she did try to be nice

You make headline news around the world in 2 years time… but for what reason?

Oh I’m so clumsy, prob some viral vid of my trousers splitting or walking down main road skirt tucked in knickers or getting my hair trapped round a tree branch (all true stories) 

If an EMP wiped out all mechanical forms of transport, how would you get to BlogOn?

I’m lucky enough to be close enough to walk. .. It’d take a while but worth it I am sure! 

Can’t wait to read everyone else’s. I am the noisiest! 




Here’s my Facebook page 

A little relapse, a stumble backwards doesn’t mean back to square one 


I’ve had a weird couple of weeks

Nothing huge has happened, no trauma, no incidents of note. 

I’ve just not felt ‘right’. I’ve not had a real anxiety attack for a while and none of the usual triggers were present. I could just feel it creeping up on me. That sinking feeling walking around ASDA, you know the kind you get  when you’ve messed up in a big way or forgotten something really important? You feel panic and nausea and dread. Well that feeling has been present intermittently for no reason at all. 
The reassuring thing about my personal anxiety disorder is that it’s usually fairly predictable, but this was new. So I’ve spent  a couple of weeks permanently looking over my shoulder waiting for the prod that my anxiety was giving me to turn into the huge shake that usually follows. 

Only it didn’t. 

 So of course this made me anxious. I was anxious that my anxiety disorder wasn’t presenting as I expected. Well played anxiety. 

This escalated over the last few days into another classic of mine but one I really thought I’d seen the back of. The waking up in a morning, not even opening my eyes but already feeling my breathing pattern wasn’t right, feeling  dread and panic. It’s been a real nuisance and left me shaken a bit and unsettled. 

Shaken and unsettled, in my case then trigger the big guns of my anxiety. Ridiculous thought patterns culminating in horrible self loathing and self doubt and all round a lot of thoughts about how rubbish I am. 

Last weekend this little blog of mine had been read lots and I’d had the most lovely, flattering comments about it. Such positive words that ordinarily I’d have been proud as punch about. Now when this happened whilst anxious brain was in charge of things my thinking went more like this “Oh no people are saying nice things about my writing because they feel so sorry for me about how shockingly shit it is. That’s it I’m deleting the whole thing – who did you think you were anyway putting your nonsense out there? ? Why on earth would anyone want to listen to you? ”
I suppose one good part of knowing your own mind can go rogue on you from time to time is that I can acknowledge I’m anxious and never to make any decisions at that time!

 

I mean, I was feeling rubbish and hating on myself a bit so reached for the tortilla chips and salsa for comfort. Between the salsa jar and my mouth the salsa dropped  off down my pj’s. Now ordinarily I’d roll my eyes at my clumsiness and carry on. Not when anxiety brain is in the house though. Thought process then was “Oh for goodness sakes  you can’t even EAT now? Is there anything you can do you useless arse”  At this one I’ve got to admit once the feeling had eased I even managed to giggle at my own craziness! Tortilla related trauma, that’s a new one. 

I talk often recently on this blog about how healed I am after the abusive relationship, how I’ve never been stronger mentally. This is true, really it is. 

So then if I don’t document the slips, of I gloss over the shitty times I feel like a bit of a fraud. 

The thing I’m taking from this bout of crapness though is this-it’s a not a big disaster, not really. 

A couple of hard, horrid weeks doesn’t mean I’m back to the beginning again. It doesn’t mean anxiety wins. It doesn’t mean all huge steps forward and the achievements I’ve made are wiped out. 

I’m still here looking forwards, I’m still lucky enough that an anxious period is the rare thing not the 24 hour nagging noise that it once was. 
I know it will pass. 
So March was a stumble. 

I tripped, but I’m back on my feet now AND there’s still half of the month left! 



Here’s my Facebook page 

A Thank You to the women who shaped me on International Women’s Day. …  

I’m so very lucky to have known many amazing women in my life. Ordinary women whose everyday life may not seem that extraordinary. Who may go through their lives not realising that they’ve impacted on another person. I dislike the thought of that. People have made a difference to me. I want them to know that, today more than any other surely has to be the time to say. 

It started as a kid. Surrounded by strong women who made being a mum and keeping an organised house and working look effortless. 

My mum, my grandma, aunties. Older cousins, my mum’s friends, my friends mums. Just these capable women who made life look easy. It’s only now as a mum and so called grown up that I can appreciate how much hard work and stress must have been going on behind the scenes to keep juggling all those balls. 

You made us all believe it was possible for us too, I’m grateful for that. 

To my teenage friends, the girls I grew up with. Some of those girls I don’t even know now but their influence has still shaped me somewhat.  

My teenage friends are the girls almost solely responsible for the fact that as a teenager I did have a healthy amount of self esteem and confidence in myself. I got such positivity from those girls and as we found our way around boys and exams and nights out (there were some brilliant nights out and thanks Al for keeping the unsuitable boys away) 
My dad died when I was just 15.You all called up and checked on me. I have a 15 and 16 year old myself now and that you girls had it in you to be so supportive so young is something again I can appreciate even more now than I did then. We were only young-bloody hell life had barely even begun to throw the kind of crap at us that the next couple decades would but your empathy was amazing. 

Years later when my mum died, you were all there again. I felt looked after and cared about and loved and at that time that was exactly what I needed. You took my sister under your wings like she was your own. I’ve probably never really told you all how you made the most shitty of times less so with your friendship. 

Thank you

I’m the worst at keeping in touch and I am sorry. I’ve got to be able to rectify that now the kids are getting older and I have that weird thing of spare time back! 

Let’s crack open the taboo and lemonade, grab a bottle of Metz (how nice was that stuff?) and relive our youth! 

To the friends I made when I ran from the abusive relationship. The one woman in particular who took me and made me feel less alone, who introduced me to her own friends knowing I didn’t know a soul. That kind of compassion has never been forgotten and I honestly think without your kindness and friendship there were times I’d have been tempted to run straight back. Again I’m so bad at keeping in touch and I’ve no excuse. Just know you kept a fragile woman semi sane. Thank you Janette you made such a difference. 

To the bloggers who inspire and amaze me daily, thank you for sharing your stories. In this crazy whirlwind that is life to feel like there are other women going through the same old crap as you is a powerful thing. 

To my mum friends – the Playground crew, the schoolyard mafia. 

You rock. 

You’ve all so much going on in your own lives and it’s kinda inspirational how you keep going day after day with a shed load of shit going on at the same time. I’ve never had school mum friends before, in all these years, what with my social anxiety and the fact I’m generally just not keen on many people when it comes down to it. In you guys though I feel like I’ve found my tribe (and my PA’s – organised Kelly is on her way-you just wait! ) 

Obviously then there’s my main woman. My best friend, fave adult human and sister who enhances my life immeasurably just by being around. You’re funny and kind and brave and I hope to be a little more like you when I grow up! 

Women. You’re the best! 
Thank you for being in my life and I will work harder on keeping in touch. 
All your amazing woman-ness (Yeah made up word I know) has played a part in shaping me into the  woman I am today.. . Yes. It’s all your faults!!! 
Xxxxxx

Reading in bed : The Ultimate comfort 


There’s nothing makes me happier than hopping into bed made with fresh bedding, an early night and a great book. Nothing.
It’s the soother at the end of a rough day, it’s a comfort when you’re tired or ill, it offers an escape from the day to day stresses of life. It’s the one simple thing that I can do that soothes my soul and is just a haven of calm and indulgence.

It’s always been this way.

When I was little, and my dad worked nights  or away I’d get into my mum’s bed and we’d sit and read my Enid Blyton books for an hour or so before I went off to my own bed to sleep after probably sneaking in one more chapter! It’s   a really nice, cosy memory of books and chat.

When I was a teenager laying  in bed with a pile of books was still an indulgence I loved. It just was no longer limited to being a bedtime activity. I’d go to the library first thing of a weekend, get get a load of books then just spend the majority of the weekend just sitting in bed reading for as long as I could get away with. Whole weekends were spent in the company of Paula Danziger and Judy Blume books. It sounds like I was an anti social hermit and I suppose I was a little bit, but I’ve always been a fan of my own company and well books don’t ask anything from you in return!

My snug, reading in bed hobby had to take a break for a good few years though. The mummy years. The days when I really could have done with soothing and calm comfort. Only I’d not have been able to keep my eyes open to read with 3 little ones. Having a baby roommate in one guise or another for pretty much 5 years wasn’t conducive to bedtime reading either. When you’re at that sleep deprived place so grateful all 3 babies are sleeping you’d never dare risk that with switching on a bedside lamp. That way lay madness! ! My babies always slept with one ear open it seemed anyway. They woke for a 2am babble and cuddle if they so much as heard me turn over in bed, turning pages, reading would have had them thinking it was party time! !

It came back though, eventually.
It took way longer than I’d expected.

Long after small girl came along and I was back room sharing with  a cute little human who believed even me breathing during the night was secret code for please come and play for an hour. Long after horrible debilitating bouts of anxiety left me unable to read as I simply couldn’t concentrate on a whole  sentence let alone  a paragraph.

It’s back now though.
An early night, fresh bedding, a good book. The trio that make up my ultimate indulgence.

Last weekend was the culmination of the middle two children’s birthday celebrations. It was a noisy, chaotic weekend (in a really good way! ) Once everyone was tucked up in bed though, I did likewise and spent a good couple hours reading, cosy and in silence.

I think that will remain forever my ultimate treat.




Here’s my Facebook page 

My favourite book of February… 


I’ve had such a great reading month this month. During half term I had 3 days and nights child free. I absolutely maximised the quiet in this house and read a lot. 

It got me to realising that reading, for me, is more than an indulgence but a necessity. A good book or even just half hours peace reading keeps me balanced and restored. It keeps my anxiety at bay and my mood relaxed. A good book does me as much good as a good night’s sleep for replenishing the spirit. So reading surely isn’t just an indulgence but healthy. My story and I’m sticking to it. Anyway, I digress. ..as per. . 

My favourite book of the month was one I read in one day. Now I can rarely do that in a 4 child household! My fellow bookworms will know the book you can consume in one day is a good one. 

The book is All I Ever Wanted by Lucy Dillon.  

I must confess to being a big fan of hers. One of my favourite ever books was A Hundred Pieces Of Me which inspired this blog post. So I had high hopes for this one. 

All I Ever Wanted tells the story of Caitlin, a very recently separated mum of two. After her marriage breaks down her youngest child, Nancy who has always been a chatterbox,  stops speaking. We see how Caitlin and her ex Patrick deal with this whilst navigating separation and parenthood. Though at times throughout the book you just want to shake the pair of them it’s easy to identify with their attempting to parent whilst separated. 

We also get a glimpse into the life of the children’s aunt Eva. The widow of a famous man , the diaries of whom  are about to be published. Eva was my favourite character in the book (I’d certainly like to read HER diaries…it’s OK she’s a book character, normal non diary reading rules don’t apply!) As secrets from her marriage come to light you feel such empathy for her. This is why I love Lucy Dillon’s books, her characters are so rounded you can feel irritated by them and heartbroken for them in the space of a couple of chapters. This story drags you in from the start (and in my case keeps you there for a whole day, under a blanket only pausing to make more tea) 

It’s a really beautiful book which would make a lovely Mother’s day gift I reckon. 



My Facebook page is here

Daughter , I talk much nonsense but please listen to me on this one thing….

Today my eldest daughter turns 14

 

She has a fight and a zeal and a drive that terrifies me and makes me envious of her in equal parts.

 

She is fierce and strongminded and passionate as well as kind and compassionate- all I ever wanted my daughters to be .

 

I’m proud and in awe of her absolutely , I just wish I could get her to listen to me on just one tiny piece of advice.

 

 

Dear S ,

 

I know that I give you ‘mums little life tips’ very often. Possibly too often , but the thing about being an old lady such as me is that you’ve made lots of mistakes and learnt lots of ways in which you could have improved a situation or avoided a mess and I just want to help you maybe navigate some of those pitfalls without having to actually go through them.

 

Mum messed up so you don’t have to!

 

So if you listen to nothing else , just maybe listen to this one :

(Disclaimer – the sex , drugs , boys and rock and roll stuff ALL still counts , you know the basics of mum lecturing. This is an added extra NOT a replacement for the big ones)

 

This is my one pearl of wisdom for you though :

Choose your battles.

That’s it . Simple eh?

 

I admire your spirit S I do. I wish I could be like you in so many ways . There is such a raw determination in you and I know that eventually it’ll serve you well. It will aid the success I am certain awaits you.

 

There are times though that holding your tongue , taking a breath and thinking is the wiser choice than opening your mouth. I know you’re probably rolling your eyes and thinking I’m giving out mixed signals here. Don’t I always tell you never to let injustice pass you by?  Never be a quiet bystander when you see something happening you know is inherently wrong .

 

I mean that too , honestly, don’t be the person who joins in with bullying. Don’t be the one who doesn’t challenge friends who use racist or sexist or homophobic language. Be the woman who builds other women up , not someone who gains enjoyment from pulling your fellow women down. Be a good human. Those there are the basics.

 

The bits that can be let go though , your brothers not bringing their pots out of their rooms or leaving the toilet seat up? You can leave those rows for me to have. Honestly I’m an old hand at this , don’t waste your precious energies on them. When you’re told off by your teacher but it wasn’t you talking. Don’t get into dialogue about it in front of the whole class , that won’t end well for you ! Hold your tongue and maybe talk to that teacher calmly afterwards. Don’t waste your clever comments under your breath on me when we’re disagreeing. All that gets you is your phone taken off you , you know this !

 

 

As a woman you will have big battles to fight.

You’ll likely have to fight to be heard.

Fight for your right to take up space.

Fight to be taken seriously as an intelligent woman.

Fight for your fellow women who don’t have their own voice.

 

 

These things are worth your fury and your rage and your fight. Unleashed and uninhibited. The full force of you S at an injustice , it doesn’t stand a chance.

 

Save yourself for the big things. Let me say here though I am in no way belittling your sense of what is big and what is insignificant. I can’t do that. Should I ever not take your concerns as seriously as you want , please do pull me up on it.Calmly . I hope I am never dismissive of your opinions but I know sometimes as a single mum of 4 children sometimes I’m not listening as intently as I should or I miss things and that must be frustrating. You know how we have our time just you and I every night though ? When small girl is in bed and the boys are playing the Stupid Football Game in their rooms. That’s my listening time , if I’ve annoyed or frustrated you by being distracted come to me then , let me know. Talk things through.

 

I have no doubt S that you have it in you to change the world. I’ve known it since you were a matter of months old. Changing the world takes energy though , lets ensure that we have enough in the bank . The boys smelly socks or an irritating person at school aren’t worth that precious spirit of yours.

 

Know this though, when you do have a battle to fight or an injustice to highlight. When you feel your voice needs to be heard and you need to stand up and be counted. When you’ve considered that actually this is a battle you’ve chosen needs fighting ,  I’ll be right there beside you, female solidarity at it’s finest. If that ends up being about the boys bathroom habits or you approaching school about the lack of girls sport  or if it’s you’re standing up for someone not being treated how they should or you needing to take on Theresa May ? Well if you’ve thought about it and find it worthy of your energy then S I am with you , without question.

 

Love Mum

xxxxx
 

Here’s my Facebook page 

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Packing up the emotional baggage that was never even mine

I’ve been telling you for ages now about how healed I finally feel years after I left the abusive relationship. Therapy, this blog and time were a really helpful trio is aiding this and I feel mentally more healthy in so many ways.

I’ve accepted as fact though that I’ll always have my little ‘issues’ left over from that relationship. I accepted I’d been damaged and some of that was irreparable, but that’s life I just had to get on with it.

That’s bullshit.

You see I’ve come to realise many of my ‘little issues’ are in fact not mine at all and there’s no chance I’m carrying around someone else’s baggage around with me forever.

Let me try to explain…

My lack of confidence in my parenting ‘issue’

Yep that was never mine.

I think I’m doing an OK job. Some days I’m supermum, some days I’m locking  myself in the bathroom and wondering what on earth I’m meant to be doing. I’ve come to realise this is how many (dare I say most) parents find parenting. A roller coaster of joy and worry?

The issue here belongs to the person so aware of his own crap parenting that he needed to make someone else doubt themselves at every turn to make himself feel better and essential to my existence.

He can have that one back.

My emotional ‘issues’
Yeah I’m cold and unfeeling. I struggle to express my emotions and in fact emotions as a whole terrify me…

More bullshit…

Here I am, in this very blog expressing my feelings and emotions. To other people. Often over sharing in fact (sorry about that! )
It turns out I feel a whole myriad of emotions which from time to time I even manage to express quite articulately (ssshhh don’t tell about the rogue grammar and excessive exclamation marks!)

The issue here was with the person who stifled my emotions in the first place, who belittled me expressing my feelings. The person so threatened by a chatty, intelligent, ambitious woman he had to squish all that out of her by one way or another.

He can certainly have that one back.
The icy ‘keep away’ wall that lingered around me long after he did should have only ever have been built around him… . Preferably with no door. .. and a with a lid… and then buried. …. Anyway I digress… but yes, not my issue.

My intimacy ‘issues’
This was quite a clever one to make me believe was mine. It allowed him to retain a bit of power long after he’d gone.

I hate touching and affection – well seems when I’m relaxed and comfy in another persons company I’m actually quite the fan!

If I let another person see me naked what with me being so grotesque his eyes would dissolve at the sight.  – trickier to get over this one, I grant you. We suffer enough with body confidence as women as it is, particularly when you’re a mum.

After an abusive relationship though when that’s been a huge weapon in his armour you’re going to disregard anything positive a new person will tell you, ignore compliments. The ‘fat and ugly’  voice in your head is louder. Not forever though.  When a positive, complimentary voice  is consistent and you choose to allow THAT voice to be louder… Well it turns out the ‘fat and ugly’ voice shuts up eventually.

A multitude of sex ‘issues’. I was probably best celibate forever –

Again, tricky. I decided to own this one though. Warn anyone I got involved with how awful at sex I am. I may have used the line “honestly if I was reviewed like on TripAdvisor I’d get 1 star” (a REAL issue I have is thinking I’m funny-it’s a family thing)

Turns out (and I detect a recurring theme here. .. Comfortable… Relaxed. . ) not my issue either!
They were the issues of a man who needed me to totally believe the only person who would ever be interested in me was him.

These are getting so much easier to return to sender.

After all the big stuff this is going to sounds daft. The ‘issue’ I got worked up over the most though was that I knew, definitely I’d never ever be able to sleep in a bed with a man.
How would I explain this to a new boyfriend I was trying to enthrall and interest? Where in all the flirting do you slip in “can you sleep on the sofa please a man in my bed  freaks me out”

Come on , you can’t do that I’d think to myself . It’s OK I’d just lay in bed and pretend to sleep. Keep up the illusion of being a normal human.

That’s genius…Oh except ..I can only even fake sleep if I’m at the side of the bed nearest the door. I can’t possibly even breath if there’s a person laid between the door and I , he’s going to spot the crazy there immediately.

I was a lost cause, how sexy is a panic attack at 2am because you’re at the ‘wrong’ side of the bed?

This turned out to be the most insignificant worry ever. Again – relaxed and comfy around the right person  I can sleep soundly, even more amazing I didn’t even realise I’d slept the whole night at the wrong side, away from the door, until much later.

This one had been my issue. Caused by another persons behaviour then magnified ridiculously by my own brain.

So if I could overcome issues that were partly mine. Well the ones that belonged to other people, mislabelled as mine? Certainly time they were packed into the suitcase marked ‘Someone Else’s Baggage’ and said goodbye to for good!


Here’s my Facebook page 

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Yay my sister is getting old too… 

Baby sister’s birthday was last week and though her being thirty bloody four does cheer me up at my advancing age, I’ll not be investing in the botox just yet. I just thought I could share 34 things I’ve learnt in 34 years of having her about! ! 

1) My sister is my music guru. “you must listen to this song, LISTEN to the words” is my fave thing. 

2) Her texts make me literally lol

3)Some intelligent humans do have dinosaur ‘issues’ 

4)I’ll  never be a  cool auntie. That’s LaLa. Josh still OK to fetch his mate for an Auntie La sleepover when he fetches him to fair? 

5)Some grown ups have tantrums.. AND they work. 

6)Some people you will never run out of things to talk about with. We surely should have by now? 

7) Telepathy exists. 

8)Around the right (wrong ?) people I’m a terrible bitch ! 

9)When I finally meet the guy who likes little sister. HE is THE one (unless she hates him) 

10) Genes are odd. 

My niece is more similar to me than my children and as for the LaLa /Shan thing. .

11) Not ALL beautiful people are knobs. 

12) A person who wakes you at 5am the morning after the night before with painkillers is worth their weight in their gold. 

13) Being round people who suggest a nap in the day rocks! 

14) Buying extra wine saying what you don’t drink tonight will keep is only fooling yourself. 

15) You can get homesick for a person not just a place. 

16) I should never be allowed smashable glasses…

17) Or near wheely chairs… 

18) or to be allowed to do dance moves with the brother in law. .. 

19) Frozen sprouts stop your eye falling out – bit niche that one

20) Notes 16-19 actually teaches me that alcohol is not my friend. 

21) There are people you can gossip with  without even knowing  the people involved and still bloody love it. 

22) Sometimes ‘home’ isn’t always your house. 

23) Aunties buy weird gifts. ..a bouncy castle for goodness sakes?! !

 

24) You can offer some people anything including your soul and they STILL won’t come and see Wicked with you. 

25) You’ll never feel more shocked than when you see your baby sister with her own newborn 

26) Our family has issues with heartfelt sentiment. My response to her having a health scare should not have been “I’m glad you’re OK, I’d be really bored if you died” 

27) Daily discussions about what you’re having/had for tea are not limited to The Royle Family. 

28) Johnny Vegas impressions are hilarious. 

29) Talking shite on the phone to my sis staves off anxiety attacks – handy! 

30)Shared childhood memories are the most precious thing. 

31) It’s family trait that a bottle of wine enables us to sing like angels. 

32) You can beg your sister to watch Frozen-for sentimental reasons. . . Doesn’t mean she will. 

33) Having a sister who buys clothes online but doesn’t send rejects back means a visit is like Christmas. 

34) Sometimes, and probably only if you are really, really lucky your little sister will grow to be not only an incredible human being who has your back always without question. They’ll also grow up to be your best friend in the whole entire universe. 

Love you Lou Lou – I’m so glad we didn’t get a dog instead of a baby xxxxx

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Dear L, (slushy mum warning) 

Dear L, 

So you’re 15!! 15 years you’ve been around – that just seems unbelievable yet similarly I just can’t remember a time you weren’t there to make me giggle. 

Your birth was traumatic for a multitude of reasons but we got through it. Your earlyish baby days were exhausting with you being the world’s most hungry baby. Toddlerhood with everyone giving me grief about getting you to a speech therapist was a testing time. Ah me and La La could understand you easily, how dare anyone suggest you were anything other than perfect?! 

We sailed through the testing times though you and I with big brother as an assist! In fact about the hungry baby thing – you told me the other day you’d learnt in psychology that some traits from babyhood stay with you. That has to be one. That baby who woke on the hour, every hour to be fed has grown to be the teenager that wakes up some mornings almost transparent as he’s had to go his whole sleeping night without eating? ? 

More than anything L you are the one out of all 4 of you who I see myself in. Your mannerisms, your temperament. It’s a strange thing to see your characteristics (and not just the good ones) reflected back at you in another person. 

Our similarities can work for and against us I guess. It’s so lovely to sit and chat with you and listen to your opinion on issues that really matter to you. You’re a deep thinker and I love that. You’re thoughtful and creative and when these attributes are on display I get to feel a little bit honoured that maybe some of that came from me. 

When we disagree though, about something we feel passionate yet opposed about. When we both dig our heels in and refuse to budge an inch.. .. Yeah let’s gloss over that. 

L it is an absolute delight to be your mum. Truly it is. You’re  such an incredible young man and that I get to be the one you call mum is a privilege (sorry did warn about mum slush) 

That’s not entirely mum bias either, you heard the amazing things your teachers said about you at parents evening last week. 

I’m so excited for you to see what the next 15 years and beyond have in store for you . Though maybe slow down a bit with the rate at which these years are rolling by.

 

Happy Birthday to the boy who makes me laugh like no other, with the driest humour and exquisite comic timing. 

The boy who’s an amazing big brother to small girl and will spend  time with her when she asks even when you’d rather be on the XBox. 

The best Garth Crooks impersonator, best final score buddy and football statistics extraordinaire. The most optimistic Hull City fan I know. 

The person who’s the most talented writer in this family – that’s annoying. 

Let’s just work on the grumpy old man thing now eh? ? I do believe the term hangry was coined for you. 

Looking forward to a weekend of pizza, How I Met your Mother and football. 

Aaaw and let’s just have a gratuitous little L shot, you were incredibly cute! 

Lots of love, mum xxxxxx 



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