How to survive Christmas when it’s not ‘your turn’ with the kids

I like being a single parent.

I like that all the decisions are mine.

I like that we’re a solid little unit of 5.

I like that our family dynamic is so lovely an we all just fit.

I do not like sharing the kids time.

I especially do not like sharing the kids time over Christmas. There’s no two ways about it , it sucks. Hard. I wrote just here a letter to small girl on a Christmas without her. 

It’s bad enough that most of the big retailers Christmas ads are full of images of that perfect family unit , I even as a content single parent feel put out that I and the kids don’t have that it’s sold to us so intensely.

Some parents Christmas’ don’t look like that. It’s not mummy and daddy looking over the children rushing downstairs to see if Santa has been before tucking in a huge dinner all together with extended family gathered for extra cheer.For some parents Christmas comes with a gut wrenching incompleteness. Some years it’s simply not your turn.

I’ve done ‘not my turn ‘ with small girl a couple of years and though I won’t this year I thought maybe I could share how you can possibly ease the awfulness even just a tiny bit.

1) Don’t feel obliged to join other people

When people find out you’ll be alone at Christmas they’ll likely invite you to join theirs (nice humans will anyway!) If you know being in someone elses Christmas will make you feel worse though , don’t do it. It’s hard to know how you’ll feel if it’s your first time.People you are close to though I am sure if you change your mind and cannot stand sitting home alone later in the day will greet you over .
Also though

2) Don’t be a misery martyr

If you do want to take up a lovely invitation from friends and family don’t say no for daft reasons such as – they’re only asking out of politeness or that you feel that you’re betraying your children in some way if you dare crack a smile without them. You sat crying into the Quality Street will benefit no one if your wishing you’d have just gone to your friends rather than take up emotional self flagellation as your new hobby.

3) Have an early (or late) Christmas Day

So Santa is a tricky one if you don’t have the kids the actual day the big guy comes but I’ve found the elves are pretty open to an email explaining the situation . They’re usually good to drop a little gift off on an alternative day , nothing so huge as to upstage Mr Claus but just something to open.

Then get your Delia on ,do your turkey ,pop on a silly paper hat and have your Christmas! I’m a silver linings kind of a girl so I’ll just say if you have ‘your’ Christmas after the 25th – half price turkeys!

4 ) Remember it’s just one day

I know this is hard. Almost impossible hard. It’s THE day ,the one everyone has been banging on about for months . Tomorrow is a new one though , as is next week and you can fill the little people’s festive period with so much fun stuff. Pantos generally go in into the New Year , festive events like Winterwonderland too go on after Christmas day itself. 

5) Seek out #joinin on Twitter

Ok now this one has cheered me up out of my misery on a few festive occasions. Even on years all four children are around,once they’ve gone to bed on Christmas Day I can feel a little lonely. I’m someone who enjoys my own company all year round ,but I don’t know Christmas just seems to highlight my solo-ness. It’s probably the one time I lament the absence of another adult person on my sofa.

The amazing Sarah Millican began #joinin for anyone alone on Christmas who doesn’t want to be. She explains it better here , have a read. I can vouch for it as a perker upper though. I’ll be there on and off throughout the day as really I’m often surplus to requirements once presents are done and dinner is eaten!!! 

I’m @daydreamer_mum on Twitter so should you fancy slating annoying relatives , chatting about eating your own body weight in chocolate or dissecting the Christmas Doctor Who special (especially that one) or just fancy a chat over Christmas if you’re lonely tweet me . Social media has its low points but surely over Christmas we can make it a force for good.

 Nothing I can say can make Christmas without the kids any less shit. I so wish it could. Take very good care of yourself if it’s not your turn this year. Remember it’s just a few days and there’ll be a gang of cool kids on Twitter around for chat!!

Xxxxx


My Facebook page is here if you fancy

Rhyming with Wine

JakiJellz

Not Just the 3 of Us

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3 tips to help ease anxiety at Christmas…

Christmas can be a fabulous time of year , in fact Christmas can be the best time of year. It can also be absolutely ram packed full of stress and anxiety triggers and noise and mess and chaos and worst of all…..

All.The.People.

Now I’ve been an anxious mess for knocking on for a decade now . Though thankfully anxiety is a rare visitor these days – in the same way you don’t see great uncle Bob all year round ’till he turns up at your front door ,half cut, on Christmas eve the same goes for anxiety for me.

I know everyone’s experiences of anxiety are different and I can only talk about mine but I have learnt a few tricks over the years to lessen it’s grip slightly over Christmas.

1) Don’t over commit
There are so many social events around Christmas time from the works night out to the catch up with the friend you mean to see all year to family get togethers. 

However saying yes (often for THE FEAR of saying no) to 3 parties a week when you know social anxiety is upon you is never going to end well. There’s little more stressful than knowing you’re going to cancel on people and then having to spend the whole day psyching yourself up enough to actually do it.

So choose the events you really want to go to and ditch the ones that you feel obliged to.

2) Give someone you trust a heads up.

Helpful if either you’re having people over for Christmas or if you’re going to someone elses where there are going to be a fair few people and you know you might at some point need a bit of a time out . That you might need to remove yourself from noise and over stimulation (and those damn people again) tell your partner or friend or aunt or mother in law. Let them know beforehand that this could be the case. 
You could even use a code phrase , you know if the rest of the family have you down as a solid individual living the shit out of life and you don’t want to blow your superhero ‘anxiety girl’ cover.

If you’re at your own house it’s possibly easier to slope off for 10 mins calm but if you’re at someone elses just have a code phrase. “I just need to make a phone call ” ( people call each other up on Christmas day , it’s passable) could mean “I am just going to sit in your spare room for a bit and get my mind together ,please leave me be”

3) Seek out the company of children

This possibly could just be me but during an anxious period children are great to be around. Yes I know my previous words about over stimulation don’t fit what I’m saying but stay with me. Just joining in with kids at Christmas can be an almighty distraction technique. I personally find it hard to worry about whether I drain everyone and noone wants me there when I’ve a small person singing me When Santa got Stuck up the Chimney or telling me all about the toy of the year Santa brought them. 
Conflict is a huge anxiety trigger for me also so I’d rather join in with a group of kids debating who the best superhero is than listen to Great Uncle Bob (yes him again ) being a racist , sexist bigot. He’s basically The Daily Mail in human form and causes you palpitations just listening to him rant.

For the record : I don’t have a Great Uncle Bob…we’ve all met this guy though right? 

I hope these tips can help even if just a little bit. Christmas can actually be a lovely time for those of us who struggle to feel cherished and worthwhile as people because most people are at their loveliest and kindest at Christmas and freer with their encouraging words (it’s probably the Bailey’s) 

I hope your Christmas is filled with as much social interaction as you can handle and that get as much physical affection as you can cope with/crave!!
Xxx


My Facebook page is here

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JakiJellz

Not Just the 3 of Us

Rhyming with Wine

Being more kind….

It’s world kindness day.
Out of everything I hope my children grow to be , kind was always a huge one. I always thought if I could just bring good , kind , compassionate people into this messed up world than I’d have achieved something parenting wise.

I’d like to think I am kind. I certainly try , there’s always ways to improve on that though isn’t there? So I’ve been thinking of ways we can be a bit kinder in everyday life and I’ve come up with a few ideas:

Compliment people

Depending on how brave I am feeling on any given day I really like to tell people if they look nice or if something they have done is great or if I’m in awe of them.

I’m the person in the clothes shop changing room who tells you you look gorgeous in that dress and you must buy it , I’m the person in the supermarket who empathises over a toddler tantrums.

I’m really only mostly any good at this with strangers though! I struggle with telling people I know that they are amazing. I always worry I don’t sound genuine , I think that’s part of my social anxiety rearing its ugly head but I’m going to try harder.

Make people’s lives easier 

If you ask me to do you a favour I’ll try my best to , as most people do. What about the favours that go unasked though. What about the people desperate for a little help but would never ever ask . Maybe I could nip in there and save them from that. Take soup to a pal feeling under the weather , Be the listening ear on the phone to the friend who is trying to keep it light hearted but you can tell really needs to vent. Be more instinctive I guess would help with this , go with my gut feeling , if the person I attempt to help doesn’t want it then that’s cool but try at least.

Let people know you care

Especially people who you love but have fallen out of touch with , the friends that have fallen by the way side but you miss. I’m a letter writer (I know I’m like a Victorian!) it wouldn’t take any effort just to send a note or an email or a text to those people . Enough of I keep meaning to…and actually do it!

Rein in Ms judgypants 

I like to think I’m not a judgy person , let’s face it ,when you are me and your day to day life resembles a chaotic shambles you’d have a bloody cheek to judge anyone else. Sometimes you do though , I’m ashamed to admit it but I have to if I’m being honest. Just silently in my head I may contemplate strangers choices but it ends here. 

Help with loneliness

I don’t mean force yourself upon people who actively choose to be alone (like me most of the time) The mum who has come to toddler group that first time though , terrified of the mummy mafia not tricky to make her a cuppa and make her feel welcome. Listen to the person who is sat next to you on the bus giving you their life story , you might be the only person they’ve spoken to all day. Get the kids to make extra Christmas decorations or cookies and take them to people who are on their own over the festive period.

In all this extra kindness though , don’t forget about yourself. It’s often ourselves we’re the least kind to , we’re the most judgy of and we don’t help enough. As the saying goes you can’t pour from an empty jug and if you’re all out of kindness towards yourself you’ll struggle to pass it on others. 

Have a well-done Wispa when the kids are in bed finally , tell yourself you’re doing a great job , have half an hour with a trashy mag to recharge your batteries.

Self kindness is key!

Happy Kindness Day!!!

Do you have any kindness tips to share?

Getting older doesn’t totally suck!!!

In my 20’s I dreaded turning 30. I don’t know why , just seemed to feel as though that would be the point where youth ended . That at 30 I’d be stepping onto a conveyor belt that was just all systems go to old age. I didn’t much fancy that. I was too busy whinging about how I’d wasted my best years with shitty men.

Turns out I was wrong.

Right now, at this moment , at 37 I am more content than I’ve ever been .

A few things seem to have come together to make this the case . Is it egotistical for me to talk about them? Maybe it is , shut this down if it is , accept my apologies and there’s no hard feelings.

You still with me??? Fab?

First reason getting older is good is that parenting has changed. Having 4 children was never going to be a walk in the park. Now the elder 3 are teens though , that physical exhaustion that comes with early parenthood is gone. These kids sleep and aren’t constantly demanding your attention , time , soul… Parenting teens is a different type of hard it’s mentally and emotionally tricky . You have to learn a whole other language , the non verbal kind . You don’t worry less but that bit of ‘me time’ you get and the occasional lie in means you can worry with more energy in the bank and that’s handy!! Once the kids get to teenage age though you’ve grown into your parenting style and the self doubt that comes with early parenthood isn’t so severe.Things feel a little more relaxed these days.

Secondly , for me , is realising that I’ve changed as a person in the past few years and embracing that! I’ve gone on enough on my blog about feeling healed after the abusive relationship but that is such a major thing for me. Not all the changes I recognise in myself are so major though. A couple of years ago I wrote this about my hug hatred. I assumed hating physical affection was just a personality trait I was stuck with. As it turned out the more healed I got , the better I felt about myself , the more I relaxed and allowed people in rather than keep my icy little wall built around myself complete with KEEP OUT sign!!
As it happens I’m not cold hearted and I do like affection and even a hug or two! Might have taken me till 37 to learn this about myself but better late than never I guess!

This links into my 3rd reason getting older is great . I’m much better socially these days. Again healing after abuse takes time , it took so many years to truly believe that people don’t always think I’m an idiot and stupid and pointless. Took even longer for me to stop caring about the people who do think that. Once I did get to that point though it meant I became more relaxed in social situations.

I like people,I like talking to them I enjoy socialising. I had an epiphany in  Edinburgh over the summer along these lines. My life and my mental well-being are enriched by having good people in my life!
I’ll always be the woman who loves her own company and will happily do dinner , theatre ,cinema alone. I also though am happy doing these things in other people’s company in a way I wasn’t when I was younger. I was too busy in my ice queen ice castle .
Also though quite crucially I’ve almost mastered the art of not spending time with anyone who makes me feel negative . Now that skill took WAY too long to learn , but hey Rome was not built in a day.

Finally something that really pleases me the more I get older is having that bit more confidence in giving my opinions, in stating my view, in being braver in vocalising issues that are important to me. You poor unfortunates who read my blog know that. Feminism, the quest for equality,Domestic abuse, emotional abuse, politics… I’m willing to nail my flag to the mast about my take on these things. Younger me would have been way too afraid of upsetting people.

All in all 37 year old me is a more confident,more relaxed woman that 27 year old me could have been.  I am at my best when relaxed and not giving in to old neurosis like the hug thing. Finally I am happy with who I am , my take on the world , what I will stand for . I choose to surround myself with people who who make me feel empowered and positive and I hopefully do that in return .

37 is really quite good , bring on 40 I say!!
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Not Just the 3 of Us

JakiJellz

Me, Being Mummy

A surprise gift that made my heart happy!

I love random acts of kindness.
I really love ‘just because’ presents.
I really, really ,really love thoughtfulness.

My sister nailed all three this week.

She made me a mix tape! Well a YouTube playlist , so a 2017 version! If you follow me on Social Media you’ll have seen my excitement about this! 

Back in t’day my sister and I were all young and thin and hot (we didn’t realise it then of course we were all full of hang ups that you don’t realise are absolute nonsense until you’re 37 and look back at photos of younger you and think ‘oh I looked great then why the hell did I waste those years on undeserved boys?’) We loved nothing more than going out dancing and staying out late and generally just really having fun! 

(My hair is tied back here I am not indeed bald)

Though my sister is my favourite adult human in the world we just don’t do that anymore! When the opportunity arises to spend time together these days we’re way more content to get in our PJs and start slurping on the wine. 

For an hour though when I whacked on her playlist full of the songs I really loved or that used to be played when we went out back then I was transported back to being a young woman who loved a good dance (I admit eldest girl cringed and said she hoped I didn’t used to dance like that when we went out ) and was giddy with nostalgia!

Music is so good at that isn’t it ? One song can bring back such emotions and such vivid memories and feelings . Unlike anything else I think! When I heard JLo, I wasn’t dancing round my living room but out happy and having fun like a youngster.

This gesture just made me so happy for a few reasons. Firstly nothing makes me happier than feeling that someone knows me well , all my quirks and weirdness and yet still loves me and knows how to make me smile. My sister can do this without trying , she just is another part of me. 

Secondly that she went to the effort of putting that together to make me smile is just sweet!

Thirdly the song choices were perfect!!

So I’ve got a challenge for you all ….

Make some one a 2017 version of a playlist , even if it’s only a couple of songs.

Maybe a friend you’ve lost touch with except to like the occasional Facebook status but there are songs that just remind you of her

Maybe it’s your partner and there are songs from way back when that you just both ‘get’

Make someone a playlist. I promise that they will love it and appreciate the sentiment….then come onto my Facebook page here and tell us all about it ,share it if you like!

Here’s my playlist if you’re interested

3 Little Buttons

         


When 4 become 1…

You’re thinking of the Spice Girls now aren’t you?? ….yeah me too,  but this post is kid related not a 90s throwback. Although I might start giving them Spice-esque nicknames : Grumpy kid , Stroppy kid , gob almighty kid , perma-hungry kid ??Might catch on!! 

Anyway , I digress….(that’s going to be the title of my autobiography by the way)

When you have a whole tribe of kids and only 1 of you the all important one on one time can be tricky. Well when I say tricky , 1 into 4 simply does not go. It can be impossible.

Now the children are older it has become easier. I’m now able to do something with one child without everyone else wanting in! In fact these days they generally like being left alone to rot in front of a screen.

Recently there have been a few occasions though where indulging the individual children’s interests and passions has made me appreciate even more just how good it is to have those one on one times. 

My children all have very different interests. The one thing they have in common though is that when they love , they love hard. Much like their mother when they have a passion they are very enthusiastic about it!

This is how I found myself joining hundreds of people in a queue at 9 am in a Waterstones in Manchester. 

Eldest child has been into F1 since he could point and make zoomy noises on the TV whilst men in cars drove super fast (look I’m not the expert here!)

As with many things (Doctor Who , Hull City…) I got sucked in by my children’s enthusiasm and ended up being way more interested in it than I would have been. So I have found myself getting up at stupid o clock to watch races with him , I was happy to see Lewis Hamilton win the world title again and I do have a basic understanding of the rules (well except they seem to change every season!)

Anyway eager to please mum here saw Jenson Button was doing a book signing in Manchester so I told him about it. I’ve been to a few book events and signings here myself. Always very civilised affairs you buy your ticket, arrive 10 mins before the event and have a lovely time. 

This was different. I didn’t realise this was different until I had passed on the info and accepted his invitation to go with him (I’m a bit needy and they rarely want to hang out with me these days) 

This event though , involved queuing. 

Lots of queuing.

4 hours of queuing.

We were total amateurs though, the guy in front of us had travelled all the way from Northern Ireland and the man at the front of the queue had been camped outside all night! Our 15 min train ride and 4 HOURS OF QUEUING was pretty minor relatively speaking.

Despite the queuing. It really was a lovely thing to do together. I learnt a few things about my son that morning. Mainly that his F1 knowledge is almost encyclopaedic. Also though that he is a lovely ,polite , funny , chatty , confident young man (of course I knew this already but when you see your child chatting confidently with strangers with shared passions that’s quite a special insight into the kind of human he is and I just felt proud )

So the boy met one of his heroes , I know they say not to do that but Jenson was lovely and chatty and unrushed and just look at the boys face? He may be 17 but that is a look of joy … they’re rarer those moments as they get older , you’ve got to work harder for them. So what’s 4 hours between friends!!!



The Pramshed


JakiJellz



Not Just the 3 of Us



Rhyming with Wine

How my words ended up a real actual book!!

This little blog of mine began life as a secret anonymous blog about life after abuse. I really wanted to document that there was hope. That freedom was possible. I wanted to cover the tricky bits too though , it’s often not all over the second you escape but the end result will be worth the hard moments.

I’ve always said I can only tell my story , I can’t speak for any other woman’s experiences and would never ever try to. I wrote very specifically about the impact domestic abuse had had on me . About how precious memories were sacrificed to save my sanity , about how  I Believe You are the most important words an abused person can hear. I wrote about my emotional intimacy issues. All the things that were specific to me. 

Except it very soon became apparent they weren’t. Other women identified with them too. Out of an abusive relationship you truly believe you’re the only one who feels this way , who behaves this way. Realising this is the case is so reassuring. Women telling me by telling my story I had made them realise it wasn’t just them too made me braver . I carried on telling my story , I came out of the anonymous closet.

My blog developed , it became a place to just write about what was going on in my head at my given time. It’s my little spot in the internet to talk about shared parenting woes and how teens and toddlers are similar and about how much I fancy Andy Murray *swoons*

Writing about my mental health struggles though. That was terrifying. I was so scared of pressing publish on the first post I wrote about it I did that thing were just just shut your eyes , click and squeal ? What do you mean you’ve not a clue ? 

What if everyone thought I was nuts? .What if everyone thought me an awful mother ? What if my family and friends were embarrassed of me ? 

I needn’t have worried of course . Suffering with anxiety doesn’t even register on the reasons people are embarrassed of me !!There are way too many better ones (yes one is the Andy Murray thing!)

I suffer with anxiety.

When I first left the abusive relationship it was an all encompassing , debilitating condition. It was every day , it had a huge impact. As time has passed I’m lucky it’s eased a lot . Still shows up at times to bite me on the arse ,remind me I can stumble at any time but nowhere near as bad as it as that first year.

Writing about it helps.

So when I was asked for permission for one of my posts to be used in a book I was surprised but proud. That must mean mywriting isn’t utter horseshit right?

My post had been published on the I am 1 in 4 website previously and now they were making a book as a fundraiser in order for them to keep up the amazing work they do to tackle stigma associated with mental health.

I’m very proud to be featured alongside some raw and heartfelt pieces by some great writers.

Also…. seeing your words on actual pages in a book feels pretty special

The book itself is here … it’s a fundraiser so I promise I’m not trying to force it on you so I can buy a holiday home in St Tropez…. that’ll be my novel!!!

The I am 1 in 4 Facebook page is here if you want to join a supportive community without any worries of stigma. 

My Facebook page is here if my ramblings are your thing!!!


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Bringing up Georgia





Dear men worried a smile is now sexual harassment..


I’ve read so much panic from men recently who are worried about women coming forward with their experiences of sexual harassment. 
“Where will it all end ”
“can we no longer put a kiss at the end of emails?”
“Can we no longer ask a woman on a date ?”
“No man is safe from these allegations ”

I’ll be generous and say yes there will always be people who make up stuff. Believe me though when I say the number of women who do this is so , so small (yet still a terrible thing to do that has the potential to destroy lives) compared to the number of women who play down their experiences , that have never and will never speak of what they’ve been through , that have been told by their harasser or abuser that they are making an unnecessary fuss and have believed it . That have had their lives made worse by their experiences ,whose mental health has  been ruined by what they have been through.

I’ll again mention of course this happens the other way around too. 

Sexual harassment towards women is there all the time , every day. 
It’s been in our lives forever , it’s exhausting and relentless . Our mindsets have been trained over years to behave in the way we can best protect ourselves. We don’t walk alone in the dark. If we do we’ve our phones in one hand and our keys ready to use as self defense in the other. We know the creepy guys in work that we would ensure no other woman was left in a one on one scenario with. 

Some men probably should be worried that we are daring to speak out . That we are daring to say no more. That names are being named. That we are coming together to protect women who are being silenced , that we are backing other women , that we are saying #metoo.

I’m not close to many men. The ones I am  though aren’t worried or fearful. They’re ready to stand by these women too. Men who use power and privilege to harass and intimidate women make them ashamed to be a man .

As a man , if you have never laid your hands or any other part of your body on a women without her consent (in fact call me a feminist loony I’m going to say enthusiastic consent) , if you have never made sexual comments to a woman that has made her feel uncomfortable , if you’ve never invaded a woman’s space or relentlessly persued her ignoring the word no , then there’s nothing at all to worry about and I think the good men know that. 

Keeping silent about something awful that has happened to you doesn’t mean it hasn’t happened. Sometimes we keep quiet because we just can’t face digging up that memory. 

Sometimes we keep quiet because we put ‘just’ before our experiences “it was JUST his hand on my leg”

Sometimes we don’t speak out because we minimise our experiences as it wasn’t as bad as what had happened to another woman.

Sometimes we’re still intimidated by the man’s power or influence and stay quiet.

So when women do speak , loudly . When we come together .When names of men who ‘aren’t like that ‘ are mentioned. Then listen , give oxygen to their words.

There are so many of us , with so many stories whether they are ever told or not. The good guys , the men who love us and respect us will stand by us as women , not just because we’re sisters or mums or aunties or wife’s ,but because we’re human. They’ll stand by unworried and supportive. We need as many of those as possible. 

I haven’t forgotten and I certainly do not forgive

These days , so many years after I left the abusive relationship I do at times have to communicate with the man who abused me . 

When I first left this was a massive anxiety trigger for me.Just seeing his name in my e-mail inbox had me struggling to breath and my heart racing. The fight or flight reflex was still very much in place even though I was physically away from him. His name alone was still so closely linked with terror and the anticipation of something awful happening.

This is no longer the case.

I see his name in my e-mail. I roll my eyes. I maybe mutter “what does this twat want now ”  under my breath but there’s no fear there. There’s boredom at having to read his over friendly words as though I’m some old friend he’d lost contact with. There’s mild irritation in his choice of over familiar language and his appalling spelling. Nothing about it causes me panic anymore though.I can arrange him seeing the kids ,I can deal with emails .

One thing about having to communicate with him though ,now we’re so far down the line , is that he seems to have expected that I have forgotten what he did. That he can make attempts at humour or that he can project some kind of united front when he talks of ‘our’ kids or makes observations about the children as though he knows them oh so well. That he can add lol to the end of a sentence cos we’re old buddies now , never mind all that torturous abuse that was just bants mate come on lol with me!!

It seems to him that because I tolerate communication from time to time everything that has gone before is swept under the carpet. He acts as though we’re exes who had a bitter break up but so many years later it’s all healed and fine.

Well no.

He doesn’t get to rewrite history. He doesn’t get to edit and censor my experiences. I know he’s done this himself. I know he has a story he tells people about our relationship and why it ended as subsequent girlfriend’s have sought me out once they’ve split with him. He’s chosen a story for himself (you’ve probably heard it many of you – psycho ex stopping him seeing his kids???) He tells his story to friends and family and new in laws.

Don’t try and tell that story to me though. I was there.

I was there the first time he ever hit me (in an Odeon carpark , he hated the movie , it was American Beauty)

I was there the first time I lied about marks on my face (it was at work ,I said I’d fallen out of bed)

I was there when I was putting something heavy against the bedroom door so I could just please nap when I was exhausted and pregnant without him flying through the door in a rage at my laziness.

I was there when every special day , Christmas , kids birthdays , were spoilt by him having toddler tantrums because all the attention was away from him.

I was there through the really dark times.

The ones I won’t even write about because I won’t give them oxygen.

I remember every last one though.

Every last detail.

Every last word he said.

So you see never would I want to be pally with someone like that . I’m never going to engage in anecdotes about these amazing children with him. I’m not going to “lol” at his far from hilarious quips. 

Should he mistake my bare minimum communication for forgiveness then he is so very wrong . Remembering is my strength. It’s my reassurance that I did the right thing all those years ago and the only forgiveness I’m interested in showing to anyone in that situation is to the scared girl who packed up her kids and fled.



My Facebook page is here

Not Just the 3 of Us

           


#Blogtober17 – day 25 – year in review – My year in blog posts

Aarrgh I’ve fallen behind with Blogtober , so playing catch up by a day at minute. 

As such I’m afraid this is a bit of a lazy one , I’m sorry . My year in review is going to be a year in blog posts.

January 

2017 was to be the year my elder 3 children were to gain a step mum. Always going to be tricky . I wrote a letter to my children’s soon to be stepmum , and that was our year off to a start!

FEBRUARY 

Always a hectic month here. The middle two children’s birthdays are just over a week apart. Also my sister’s birthday in Feb , and of course so much Valentine post I don’t know what to do with makes for a busy February. I wrote a  slushfest of a letter to my youngest son to celebrate his 15th birthday.

MARCH 

Mother’s day month. This year was a really lovely mother’s day. Now the kids are older they’re ok to go out shopping and choose me a gift as opposed to me picking present from them. Mother’s Day can be really tough if you’re a single mum so I wrote hints and tips for mother’s day for single mums

APRIL 

The children are all getting older ,seemingly at a speedier pace than ever before. At 17,16 and 15 they just don’t need me in the same way that they once did and had a bit of a midlife/kids getting older crisis

MAY 

May was a big month for a blogger!! I attended BlogOn a blogging conference , my first ever one. I picked up some great tips and was proud of myself for having the courage to go! Also in May there was a blogger storm when the Daily Mail *eye roll* published a piece ripping mum bloggers to shreds. The response from bloggers made me really proud to be part of the community and I wrote a love letter to mum bloggers as an antidote

JUNE 

Was another month where reading judgy articles in newspapers made my blood boil. I wrote about how my children do not come from a broken home

JULY 

OMG….

I’m still not over the excitement…

It still makes me giddy with tummy butterflies when I think of it!!

In fact it’s one of my 2017 highlights!

WE GOT A FEMALE DOCTOR!!!!

We are huge Doctor Who fans in this house and I was so overwhelmed that the next Doctor will be female it made me Ice Queen girl into a total crybaby , amongst other things

AUGUST

I’ve lots of family highlights to look back on in 2017 , a personal one though for me has to be a trip to Edinburgh Fringe. 

It sounds like the hugest exaggeration but it was a total mindset changer!

SEPTEMBER 

Back to school!!!!

I made new school year resolutions

I’m not doing so badly so far  , I think I have upped my organisational game ever so slightly!!!!

OCTOBER 

So here we are !!!

I decided to take part in Blogtober. A blogging challenge that means blogging every day in October. I thought it would be interesting to test myself to write based on prompts rather than just whatever pops into my brain. 

I had fun writing an A-Z of me!!

NOVEMBER

Ok not yet arrived but willing to bet on it being a rainy one here in Manchester. As part of Blogtober I put together a guide to rany day activities in Manchester 

DECEMBER 

Again still to come but last year I wrote a letter to a woman in an abusive relationship at Christmas time . So I’ll just leave this here.

So there’s my year in blog posts!!!

Wonder what I’ll have written about next year?!