I’d not enjoyed how I’ve looked for years.
After 4 pregnancies , 4 births , 4 babies I just don’t look the same as I did as a size 8 , 19 year old. That’s how it works isn’t it? I’ve resented it though , for ages.
Being in the abusive relationship didn’t help matters. My abuser verbalised all my thoughts. He told me I was fat and ugly. That my breasts were too big , that the stretchmarks on my tummy made him feel sick. When other people have verbalised my own thoughts about my body , in my head it made them true. I looked disgusting. Nobody would ever want to look at me. I was vile.
I’m not saying I hit 35 and had a breakthrough , but a switch has been flicked. I quite like how I look most of the time. I’ve relaxed. I may not be ready to walk around Asda naked but for a pair of heels but I’m happier. I’ve even rescued the big mirror I’d hidden away in the loft. This body of mine will never be 19 and a size 8 , but thank goodness for that. It grew and delivered safely 4 children , how dare I treat it with such contempt. I owe my body an apology.
So I’m so sorry you wonderful , human being producing masterpiece.
My face well , you deserve a bit of a telling off actually. Remember my teen skin? Low blow that was! But when you get all puffy at the dodgy times of the month and I curse your…erm…roundness. I shouldn’t. After the teen skin crisis , we grew up together and I think we grew in to one another.I promise to get you a monthly facial in way of an apology.
My boobs…you’ve not been able to do right for doing wrong have you?? I disliked you when you were too small. Later , after all the babies I have slated you something rotten.It’s your fault I can’t wear strappy summer dresses without looking as though I am exposing myself. It’s your fault you make me look all frumpy and mumsy. However a good bra and a flattering top and we’re the best of pals!
To my legs , you’ve always been my favourite.You’ve stood the test of time. So the little mean comments I may have directed toward the thigh area. They were driven by the comments of another person , I lost faith in you.It’s back now , with a vengeance and I’ve loads of our fave pairs of opaque black tights to see us through the winter.
Lastly , my tummy.I owe you the biggest of apologies. I’ve been really ungrateful and horrid to you.You kept 4 precious babies safe and warm and cosy.Of course you had to grow a little to accommodate them (especially youngest boy , he was huge). So you are battled scarred with stretchmarks , and you’ll never be totally flat again , but you did the most amazing job. I’m so sorry I’ve spent so long squeezing you into uncomfy spanx and talking about how disgusting you are. That was my issue , not yours. I promise to be kinder in the future.
I don’t suppose this is the end of my hang ups. I’m single so don’t have to worry about anyone else seeing me out of clothes and therein could lay the test. I’m content though , I’m comfy with my body and it’s a nice surprising feeling.
I like it a lot