Lockdown musings no.4 – is this the opposite of cosmic ordering???

Hey friends , how are we all doing ? Fed up of the company of our family yet? Bored of the constant feeding people? Ready to touch other humans again?

My latest lockdown blog is going to begin with an apology.

I think me and my grand plans may have triggered this whole thing , everyone is blaming the old bat muncher (not a weird euphemism ) over in Wuhan but maybe it was me and my list of all the things I was going to do this year as I turned 40,

Maybe I got too cocky pals ? See once upon a time I wrote a list…a boyfriend list…you can read all about that here ( https://kellyandthekidsblog.wordpress.com/2016/06/09/the-boyfriend-list/) in brief I wrote a list and it came right true. Now I wasn’t about to get all Noel Edmonds on the cosmic ordering front but I called that a result!!!

So just before my 40th birthday in December I wrote a list again . This time it was of all the things I wanted to do in my year of being 40. The idea was to stop myself having a grump about getting older and instead have positive things to look forward to doing.

I was quite motivated and excited . Then a global pandemic came and wiped out most my list in one fell swoop (where does that phrase even come from ?does anyone know ?)*

Anti cosmic ordering? The universe saying “hey you I sent you that handsome chap from the last list, stop being so bloody greedy”

Obviously I feel I have to say I am not so egocentric I’m going to have a moan about this when there are half a million people dead. I’m merely trying to use my attempt at motivation getting ruined to amuse myself , if you can’t entertain yourself when you’re stuck in I really don’t know when you can.

So here’s the grand list of all the exciting things I was going to do this year!!

Not overly ambitious I’m sure you can see , just some lovely things to do to celebrate 40.

Let’s look at the top one first . Run A Marathon.

I’ve always said I wanted to run a marathon one day . I was due to in the Spring. I’d actually worked hard at it too. Joined the gym to get stronger , was out running every other day. I even ran Christmas morning . The marathon though was postponed until the autumn and has not been cancelled yet but I assume it will be . Hope so anyway because lockdown diets and marathon training don’t really mix and I’m definitely not in marathon shape.

Visit a new country combined with learn a new language ….

Again I was on board with the language learning was Duolingo -ing every night , my Italian was coming along beautifully for my lovely Italian mini break.

Needless to say , when lockdown happened and Italy was looking pretty badly hit ( before we realised how bad things were going to get here) My pal Duo and I split up. Well I’ll be honest with you people I ghosted him! I know how terribly bad etiquette that is but I just lost all interest. He’d send me little messages asking if I had 10 mins to spare to practice my Italian. I ignored him, He even sent a few messages saying he was missing me and I still didn’t respond. In fact I deleted the app, out of guilt ( sorry for anyone who has never used Duolingo and are just assuming I’ve finally lost it , it’s a language app with a cute little motivational character) So that was that .

Both finish the book and read some classics …

Erm….I bought shed loads of books? Does that count?

Visit somewhere peaceful

I had plans , I was off to a Scottish Island all on my own . I was going to absorb so much peace and tranquillity when I got home I’d be like one of those monks that can meditate for weeks on end .

Strangely I have found lockdown pretty zen inducing in many ways , but my house isn’t quite the same as picturesque scenery and idyllic landscapes

I think I’ll just have to postpone the majority of my list until next year.

I also am going to restart 40 in December I think , the list was for 40 and I’m not willing to annoy the universe again !!! So 40 I shall stay until this list is ticked off ! Fair enough right?

Lockdown musings no.3 – oh so zen…

Before I even start this I’ve got to say that I know that lockdown is so very hard on so many people. People shielding unable to do anything at all , people missing family and friends , worrying about jobs and money , worrying about the world in general.

It’s hard , it is , on so many levels ! (can you feel the but coming?)

I’ve got to tell you guys I’m the most blissfully calm than I’ve been in ages !

I think this lockdown life is my natural pace of life. I’m finally able to live my life at a Kelly pace , it’s pretty sloth like I can’t fib.

I’m really lucky in that my children are older – 3 teenagers and a 12 year old. I wouldn’t be relishing the current situation were the kids younger. I remember very clearly the chaos and exhaustion of the 3 under 3 years. The stress and hardwork involved in having to actively home school smaller children and keep them entertained would be a whole different ball game.

For me though , a socially anxious introvert , I am so calm at the moment. Nothing needs doing at any given time , nothing is expected of me . My days are filled with relaxed hours and zero structure to my day. I know that this is many peoples idea of hell but Kelly the sloth is relishing it soooo much.Having everyone home all the time is a nice feeling too , listening to the kids chatting and the girls sat doing their work together is good . I mean I’ve got to confess the one thing I could do with is a bit of solitude ,but that’s what walks are for!!

I’ve not had to make excuses about why I can’t do something or why I can’t see people for months and it’s the biggest relief. I think I’ve definitely learned that moving on when I’m asked to do something that I don’t want to do “No,I don’t want to” is a valid response that will make my life so much easier rather than feeling obliged to say yes and then spending days and weeks stressing and worrying about how to get myself out of it .

I haven’t done any of the things I planned to when a lockdown was first announced. I have barely made an in on my ‘to read’ pile . I have not finished writing that book that I am DEFINITELY going to finish this year . I haven’t painted the bathrooms .

What I have done is get my gardening on , done some work out there . I’ve planted vegetables , grown herbs . I made a bird restaurant as I’ve become fascinated by the feathery pals that hang out in our garden . The kids have helped too , it’s been a bit of a team effort and I’ve loved that . I’ve also built bookshelves , I’ve made a start on my feature book quote wall. We’ve transformed the girls room Well actually teen girl has to take most of the credit there .She’s done a great paint job , I just put together a chest of drawers of truth be told .

I’ve not done any of the things I’d said I should do .I’ve done things I’ve wanted to . That’s not something we have the luxury to do is it usually ? Our days are a timetable of things that we need to do to get to bedtime then start all over again the next day.

Don’t get me wrong there are things I am missing a lot whilst we’re stuck home. I want to go to Hull and hang out with my family ,I want to go on gorgeous dates with the handsome one , cocktails with my friends. I want so badly to go out to eat . The luxury of getting all dressed up and heading out to eat a lovely meal that I’ve not had to cook….bliss !

I’m hoping that I can take some of the calm of this time with me when the world shifts back to normal . Maybe make some time in my life to get on with projects that inspire me . Maybe use my garden to help when anxiety rears its ugly head , definitely say no when I don’t want to do something.

It’s a really strange time , but it’s also an opportunity for me I think to have taken some time to learn how to make my life a little calmer and my head a little less busy .

Hope you are all doing ok and managing to keep as close to an even keel as is at all possible.