Monthly Archives: July 2018

It’s all different , but it’s all good…

Dear teens ,

I’m sure you can recall the days where the end of the school year signified greatness. The summer stretched out in front of us as though it was going to last forever and I was happy to have my little people all to myself without school getting the best part of you leaving me with a couple of hours of grumpy ,tired kids before bed.

Every day of the holidays would begin the same. Ridiculously early (J I am looking at you !) The sentence that would strike fear into my heart would be asked before your first mouthful of cereal had hit your lips.

“What are we doing today?”

Because it’s the summer holidays right? Mums job to provide quality entertainment and fun for 6 weeks. Every. Single. Day.

I tried to too!!! I mean some of those days were brilliant. Works of mum genius . Some were not so much , there’s only so many times you can spin feeding the ducks rivalling Euro disney for the fun factor.

Things are different now.

You all have your own lives , your own plans .

Your “what are we doing today ?” has become my “when are you home?” said daily , in a needy fashion.

Making plans to do anything at all means diary syncing to the nth degree. NONE of you want to feed the ducks.

This is all ok though. I’m not going to mourn summers past . I’ve spoken before about how parenting has a cruel twist that the end game , the thing we have to strive for is that we will bring up independent , self assured humans. That we plough years into parenting with the end goal being that you’ll no longer need us. That you’ll be off ,as you will this summer , working and socialising and living your lives . You do it well. All of you do and I’m so ridiculously proud of you.

Be cool if you could check in with your little sister and I though from time to time . Watch a movie ? Jump on the train to Buxton? Swim or bowl or picnic? That’d be extra special because once you had to hang out with me in the summer holidays , you had no choice. Now you definitely do so if you choose to spend some of your precious (hopefully long and sunny )summer with me , well then actually I’d be honoured.

Ps speaking of your sister …just take a min to feel sorry for her . Back in t’day there were 3 of you to.share my crazy daft treasure hunts or random (often rubbish ) days out to weird stuff. She’s on her own here getting the full force of the mum summer.

Poor girl.

Have the best summer yet guys. I’ll be ready with snacks and scavenger hunts whenever you need me ….ok ok just the snacks then!!!

Mission Mindfulness
Advertisements

Blogcrush week 75 – July 20th 2018

It’s Friday again!!!!

Oh am I ready for it this week. The kids have that end of term tiredness/grumpy thing going on (I probably do too if I’m honest) So everyone here is just irritable and bickery.

Sigh….however FRIDAY IS HERE! I am going out tonight and even more excitingly …It’s Blogcrush time!!!

Blogcrush has been one of my absolute favourite linkys from the off.

The kindest linky in town ,sharing all the lovely blog love.

Here you get to not only share your post but a fave you’ve read recently too!!

About BlogCrush

This linky will take blog post submissions from 6am (BST) Friday until 9pm Sunday. At that time, some thumbnail pictures will appear at the bottom of the post and each one will be a link to a different blog post.

– If you’re a blogger, add 2 posts (1 of yours AND 1 by someone else) by clicking the blue “add your link” button

– If you’re here just because you’re my friends and family and are supportive of my blog , well wait up ,stick around and have a browse. We have some very talented bloggers here.

Hosting this week is

Lucy At Home @lucy_at_home

and me!!!Daydreams of a Mum @daydreamer_mum

If you’ve ever come across an amazing post you want to shout from the rooftops about , this is the linky for you!!

If you’re here because someone has nominated you -huge congratulations !!

Feel free to pick up our pretty badge!!

#BlogCrush

The Rules

  • Join in with 2 posts:
    • 1 post from your blog (personal) – no linkies please
    • 1 post from someone else’s blog (your #BlogCrush)
  • When you add your BlogCrush (post written by someone else) to the InLinkz form, put “BC” at the beginning of their title
  • Tweet your BlogCrush (& us) to let them know you’ve added them to the linky and share their link (@lucy_at_home and @daydreamer_mum) Please tweet us your own BlogCrush posts too so we can share them for you.
  • Comment using the #BlogCrush hashtag on at least these 4 posts:
    • 1 post from Host 1 (personal or BC)
    • 1 post from Host 2 (personal or BC)
    • 2x personal posts from the rest of the link up

So that’s a minimum of 4 posts.

Don’t forget to add our brilliant badge…

Lucy At Home Blogcrush Week 68

<a href="https://lucyathome.co.uk" title="Lucy At Home"><img src="https://lucyathome.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2017/11/badge.png" alt="Lucy At Home" style="border: none;" /></a>

Us hosts get to choose our fave blogcrush posts from the previous week to feature…add our lovely badge

Lucy At Home Blogcrush Week 68

<a href="https://lucyathome.co.uk/" title="Lucy At Home"><img src="https://lucyathome.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2017/11/blogcrush-featured.png" alt="Lucy At Home" style="border: none;" /></a>

 

This week Lucy has chosen first born child moments in time from Old House in The Shires

My favourite this week was selling the idea of group living by Mother almost never knows best. I love the idea of communal living but as she touches on in the post you would have to be very, very selective!!

Host Post

This week I’m linking up a post about Emotional abuse and the journey you have to go on to rebuild afterwards Then I became me…

Have a great week everyone can’t wait to read your posts

Kelly xxx

Then I became me…

Emotional abuse is such a complex thing.

Life after emotional abuse , even more complex.

Many of us aren’t even aware we’ve been emotionally abused.

So how do you rebuild? The physical abuse , the sexual abuse well you just have to let literal wounds heal. You have to come to terms with the fact you’re a little changed. You’ll forever be a little more cautious. You know for sure it happened though. You felt physical pain.

Emotional abuse though? Well how can you recover from something you don’t even know you’ve been a victim of? Well if you’re even questioning it I would thoroughly recommend doing the Freedom Programme. I know I talk about it a lot but doing it saved me from total self destruction. I dealt with the impact of the abusive relationship , but more than that I have been able to identify emotional abuse in subsequent relationships . I don’t even mean romantic involvements but just even friendships or any situations where I have to deal with other people. I am confident that now I can pick out a twat in a crowd. They think they’re ridiculously clever but they are so similar they give themselves away very easily.

So rebuilding after abuse I found incredibly difficult. I expected once I left I could snap back into being the girl I was before him. It was naïve, but I believed I’d only be truly recovered when I was back to pre -him me. In hindsight pre-him me I was a teenager, I still had a mum, I wasn’t a mum myself. You can’t just flip back into that . So I learnt that I had to rebuild but as a new version of me. A better version of me. Ultimate Kelly if you will.

Emotional abuse is like a giant game of jenga (I’m so sorry you know me and my analogies)

The jenga tower is set up. On each brick is a character trait that makes you you. Some are little things. Maybe that you love lipstick or that you have a favourite movie. Some are huge : That you are opinionated , independent , intelligent .

At the start of the game he takes the little bricks . Tells you you don’t need to wear lipstick you’re already pretty or that that favourite movie of yours is a bit silly . Aren’t you better than that? He thought you were cleverer than that? He takes them gently and the tower doesn’t topple because these are easy bricks .

Once the easy bricks are gone things get a little more complicated . he has to go for trickier ones . He doesn’t want the tower toppling just yet , not too early he’ll give himself away. You see that brick with your best friend’s name on though? Yeah he needs rid of that and its going to be tricky because it’s one that’s helping hold the tower in place. You’ve played jenga though haven’t you? You know the key to removing the tricky bricks is confidence. Just in and taking it , you falter you’ll lose. He mentions he overheard your best friend talking about you , laughing at you , she’s only friends with you because she feels sorry for you . Just like that the brick is taken . The tower looks more vulnerable now . It could fall at any minute.

He’s not going to lose the game though , no way . Not after he’s put so much effort and time into it.

There’s one block holding things together. Keeping the tower upright that everything is resting on. It has self -belief written on. It’s the belief that you know you are strong and that you are loved and that you are worth so much more than him. He can’t let that stay. He can’t take it though either , people will realise what he is doing. So he talks you into taking that block yourself. Tells you you’re ill , you need help. You are paranoid and delusional and you need him to take care of you. With shaking hand you pull that block yourself and hand it to him.

The tower topples.

What was once a combination of all the things that make you you is now just a heap of bricks on the floor .

The bricks stay like this for a while . You accept your lot. You’re broken , defeated and there’s nothing you can do.

Then. One day. Maybe the day after you throw him out of the game for good , maybe it takes weeks or months or even years you begin to rebuild. All on your own. All the original bricks are back , stacked and stable . The tower looks strong , but you’re aware that it would only take a few lost bricks to make you vulnerable again. So you add more bricks to strengthen the structure , to make it so strong and stable it’s almost indestructible. Bricks you didn’t even have access to originally.

You add a strong support network , you add therapy and counselling and knowledge. That Freedom Programme brick makes your tower a super structure. The self worth brick , the confidence brick , the trusting yourself brick they are all pretty hefty ones too.

You see I’ll never be the pre-him me ever again.

To become the post-me him I had to take on board more character traits that I’d never needed before . I had to become brave and self secure and independent. I had to become resilient and tough and focussed.

All the bits that had previously made me me had been demolished . I had to round them all back up again , then I had to find a few more for back up.

Then I became me .

My Facebook page is here

Mission Mindfulness

Let’s take back ‘nice’

I am enjoying being part of a world where Gareth Southgate is cool.
It’s not that I have some kind of waistcoat fetish , but I just want to live in a world where nice is celebrated . Where quiet , calm and understated is appreciated.
I have always been uncomfortable with nice. It’s a description that has been used about me a lot right from being young. It’s often been in quite a negative way though.
The word nice was banned as a descriptive word in English classes at school so sorry Mr Brown but I’m about to write a whole blog post on it
In Primary school I always had to sit next to the troubled boys , the ones who wanted to kick the living shit out of folk rather than sit and do their work. They’d not cause trouble next to me , I’d be nice to them. So I had to attempt to do my learning besides the chaos that was reigning supreme beside me and barely be able to concentrate. That was where nice got you.
In later years I was always the one tasked with looking after people . New people at school , new people at work. As I was nice , I’d look after them . Which of course I did but that extra responsibility that I’d never asked for and was never asked if it were ok. It’d just be presumed because Kelly is nice she’ll do it.
I realise now that nice is often a synonym for doormat.
Nice has been used to mean –
She won’t say no
She’ll not kick up a fuss if you treat her badly
She’ll do way more than is expected of anyone else what with her being so nice
She’ll put up with guys treating her terribly so as not to hurt their feelings
She’ll forgive way too often and way too easily
She’ll back down in a confrontation so it’s fine to bully her a little bit
She’ll keep quiet about awful things you do
She’ll keep quiet about most things actually.
Us ‘nice ‘ folk need to take back the word. We all need to actually. Let’s revolutionise nice.
Let’s use nice to mean considerate and compassionate , kind and empathetic , tolerant and patient.
Not doormat but just decent human.
We can all do that.
A while ago I decided not to be around ,if it was at all possible, people who didn’t make me feel good. It has done me the world of good. So let’s add that . Nice doesn’t have to mean you put up with other peoples toxic crap because as well as being kind and compassionate towards other people we have to do the same to ourselves!
Brash and loud has been at the forefront for a long while you only have to watch any reality tv show to see that. Shouty , sweary “look at me ,I’m so wild” has become something to replicate. All well and good but are any of our lives going to be enriched by being more shouty , sweary , brash?? Well quite possibly but I’m not going to give it a go.
Surely aiming to be a little more quietly tolerant and compassionate might enrich you though. I’m definitely going to try harder.
If nice is coming back into fashion (thanks Gareth) let’s do it on out terms!!!

MusingsOfATiredMummy
Musings Of A Tired Mummy
Mission Mindfulness

BlogCrush Week 74 – 13th July 2018

HAPPY FRIDAY!!!!!

I’m so excited and delighted to tell you I’m here to help host blog crush for a while!!

Blogcrush has been one of my absolute favourite linkys from the off.

The kindest linky in town ,sharing all the lovely blog love.

Here you get to not only share your post but a fave you’ve read recently too!!

About BlogCrush

This linky will take blog post submissions from 6am (BST) Friday until 9pm Sunday. At that time, some thumbnail pictures will appear at the bottom of the post and each one will be a link to a different blog post.

– If you’re a blogger, add 2 posts (1 of yours AND 1 by someone else) by clicking the blue “add your link” button

– If you’re here just because you’re my friends and family and are supportive of my blog , well wait up ,stick around and have a browse. We have some very talented bloggers here.

Hosting this week is

Lucy At Home @lucy_at_home

and me!!!Daydreams of a Mum @daydreamer_mum

If you’ve ever come across an amazing post you want to shout from the rooftops about , this is the linky for you!!

If you’re here because someone has nominated you -huge congratulations !!

Feel free to pick up our pretty badge!!

#BlogCrush

The Rules

  • Join in with 2 posts:
    • 1 post from your blog (personal) – no linkies please
    • 1 post from someone else’s blog (your #BlogCrush)
  • When you add your BlogCrush (post written by someone else) to the InLinkz form, put “BC” at the beginning of their title
  • Tweet your BlogCrush (& us) to let them know you’ve added them to the linky and share their link (@lucy_at_home and @daydreamer_mum) Please tweet us your own BlogCrush posts too so we can share them for you.
  • Comment using the #BlogCrush hashtag on at least these 4 posts:
    • 1 post from Host 1 (personal or BC)
    • 1 post from Host 2 (personal or BC)
    • 2x personal posts from the rest of the link up

So that’s a minimum of 4 posts.

            • Add the #BlogCrush badge to the post that you’re linking up from your own blog. You can do this by copying the code in the box below and pasting it into the HTML view of your post.

              Lucy At Home Blogcrush Week 68

              <a href="https://lucyathome.co.uk" title="Lucy At Home"><img src="https://lucyathome.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2017/11/badge.png" alt="Lucy At Home" style="border: none;" /></a>
              
              

               

           

           

       

       

 

Each week the hosts pick our favourites to be featured posts!

Lucy At Home Blogcrush Week 68

 

<a href="https://lucyathome.co.uk/" title="Lucy At Home"><img src="https://lucyathome.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2017/11/blogcrush-featured.png" alt="Lucy At Home" style="border: none;" /></a>

 

 

Have a great week everyone can’t wait to read your posts

Kelly xxx