This little blog of mine began life as a secret anonymous blog about life after abuse. I really wanted to document that there was hope. That freedom was possible. I wanted to cover the tricky bits too though , it’s often not all over the second you escape but the end result will be worth the hard moments.
I’ve always said I can only tell my story , I can’t speak for any other woman’s experiences and would never ever try to. I wrote very specifically about the impact domestic abuse had had on me . About how precious memories were sacrificed to save my sanity , about how I Believe You are the most important words an abused person can hear. I wrote about my emotional intimacy issues. All the things that were specific to me.
Except it very soon became apparent they weren’t. Other women identified with them too. Out of an abusive relationship you truly believe you’re the only one who feels this way , who behaves this way. Realising this is the case is so reassuring. Women telling me by telling my story I had made them realise it wasn’t just them too made me braver . I carried on telling my story , I came out of the anonymous closet.
My blog developed , it became a place to just write about what was going on in my head at my given time. It’s my little spot in the internet to talk about shared parenting woes and how teens and toddlers are similar and about how much I fancy Andy Murray *swoons*
Writing about my mental health struggles though. That was terrifying. I was so scared of pressing publish on the first post I wrote about it I did that thing were just just shut your eyes , click and squeal ? What do you mean you’ve not a clue ?
What if everyone thought I was nuts? .What if everyone thought me an awful mother ? What if my family and friends were embarrassed of me ?
I needn’t have worried of course . Suffering with anxiety doesn’t even register on the reasons people are embarrassed of me !!There are way too many better ones (yes one is the Andy Murray thing!)
I suffer with anxiety.
When I first left the abusive relationship it was an all encompassing , debilitating condition. It was every day , it had a huge impact. As time has passed I’m lucky it’s eased a lot . Still shows up at times to bite me on the arse ,remind me I can stumble at any time but nowhere near as bad as it as that first year.
Writing about it helps.
So when I was asked for permission for one of my posts to be used in a book I was surprised but proud. That must mean mywriting isn’t utter horseshit right?
My post had been published on the I am 1 in 4 website previously and now they were making a book as a fundraiser in order for them to keep up the amazing work they do to tackle stigma associated with mental health.
I’m very proud to be featured alongside some raw and heartfelt pieces by some great writers.
Also…. seeing your words on actual pages in a book feels pretty special
The book itself is here … it’s a fundraiser so I promise I’m not trying to force it on you so I can buy a holiday home in St Tropez…. that’ll be my novel!!!
The I am 1 in 4 Facebook page is here if you want to join a supportive community without any worries of stigma.
My Facebook page is here if my ramblings are your thing!!!
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