What I learnt about people , through Twitter

Yesterday was a crazy day for me in the world of Twitter.

I like Twitter. I know it gets a bit of a kicking but I think it’s my fave social media. Maybe I just follow a shedload of cool people but it’s a happy , intelligent ,informative ,funny place my little Twitter world.

Things I usually tweet about :

The kids

Eating crisps in bed

How much I fancy and love Andy Murray

Doctor Who

Strictly

Bake Off

What I’m eating

Feminism

Domestic abuse

My Co-parenting woes

It can be pretty deep or totally light hearted and silly and I love it for that .

The day before yesterday I tweeted about a situation my eldest daughter had been in at school

Not going to go on about this incident because I think it’s clear for everyone to see it’s utter bullshit , never should have happened. She went to her talk and she still fancies doing an engineering apprenticeship after school.

The response to this tweet though was crazy. I mean I tweet some utter shite and my lovely Twitter pals over there indulge me often but I’m only a teeny blogger Doctor Who type girl. I don’t have a million followers and generally a handful of people like my tweets .

This tweet had tens of thousands of responses . Given the subject matter I was grateful, but still I’m not used to this stuff . However , I did learn an awful lot about people in the following 24 hours . They mainly fell into 3 groups :

The “there’s something she’s not telling us here” brigade

So there were a fair few men who thought I was trying to mislead the world with my tweet. That I was holding back on the ‘real’ story.

Firstly Dave or whatever you’re called probably @ladzbantz or something similar. Noone really reads my tweets and the folk who do tend to take them at face value, because that’s what they are . That’s how I use social media – to regale folk with my mostly mundane anecdotes. I didn’t for one second expect one of my witterings to be seen by thousands of people. I don’t carefully construct each tweet just on the off chance Dave from Walsall happens to come across it on his lunch. If any of my tweets were going to go nuts to be honest I’d have preferred it to be one about how they need to bring back Spiras as at least then I might have had half a chance at getting my own my way.

Secondly…what the hell could I be concealing from this story. Ooo sorry I neglected to mention throughout proceedings my daughter had a t -shirt on saying Down With Engineering on it !! Oh and she has engineers suck tattooed on her forehead.??

I’m afraid it really was as simple as I told it .

The #neverhappened crew

These are a weird bunch and there are loads of them.

They go to the effort of retweeting my tweet just so they can put #neverhappened in front of it !!

Some go that extra mile of course . One went to all the effort to retweet my tweet preceding it with “in the history of things that didn’t happen . This one didn’t happen the most” Ahhhhh clever work there Simon I see what you did lad , crack on !!

Again I’m bemused in two different ways here .

Firstly – why would you feel obliged to comment on something that wasn’t aimed at or intended for you (I get social media but I only expected my usual Twitter folk to see it as usual!)Why wouldn’t you do what I do as I scroll Facebook occasionally and read a status and think ‘Well that’s a lie ‘ and carry on with my day.

If I were going to be making something up it’d be something spectacular like I was going to be the next Doctor !! I don’t understand the need to comment on something that doesn’t concern you .

The second bit is a bit more sinister.

It’s the silencing thing. The silencing of women speaking out about inequality and sexism. These men will tell me what I know to have happened, didn’t. Classic gaslighting tactics .

One lovely fella went to the effort of telling me “this simply didn’t happen , if anything it’d be boys being forced into childcare talks”

Ah thanks for your input there Brian. Apologies for popping onto your timeline. You get back to flicking through the Sun bemoaning the fact you no longer get tits with your tea break . I assume this guy finds childcare a task unsuitable for boys ? If he’s concerned about young men being forced into childcare . Surely that’s not because looking after children is ‘womens work’ .

There’s something about highlighting how far we still have to go in search of equality that frightens the living daylights out of some men . Very much a feeling of ‘bloody hell we gave you the vote , hush now ‘

I was told this is what happens when the Trump bashers and Brexit haters takeover . They make up this kind of feminazi nonsense . Well blow me down with a feather Lee from Scunthorpe you have me perfectly right. Cancel Derren Brown everyone Lee here is a mind reader ! I actually AM anti Trump and didn’t vote Brexit AND am a feminist ….yeah it’s definitely me who shouldn’t be trusted .

I’m not going to be hushed by a load of guys on the internet. Telling me something I know to have happened didn’t happen isn’t going to intimidate me or cause me sleepless nights worrying about why a guy off the internet doesn’t believe me .

It’s dark though that this is some men’s immediate response . It’s almost as it they are worried about their place in the world should equality happen.

Then , though , then we get the biggest group of people . 95% of them I’d say and so you know what Twitter taught me about people as far as they are concerned? That people are awesome!!

The how can we help bunch of absolute gems

I have had offers from businesses to go into school to talk , offers for teen girl to go and look around workplaces. So many encouraging words , being put in touch with inspirational women who are happy to chat to my daughter about being a woman in a male dominated industry. I’ve had lovely messages from lovely women offering their support and am just overwhelmed one tiny little ranty tweet could elicit a response such as this . I feel empowered on my daughter’s behalf and she’s as amazed as I am.

Something else I learned from these amazing women excelling in an industry that shunned them for a long time?? Well the likes of Dave , Brian and Lee aren’t going to like it but women are in there smashing it and encouraging other women to go and join them.

The future looks bright.

*apologies to any Dave , Brians and Lees

Advertisements

5 Back to School lies I’ll tell myself…

To put it mildly I’m not the world’s most organised and efficient mum. There are areas in my life where I can be highly efficient but parenting just seems to miss out on that side to me . I’m the one having to buy cakes for coffee morning on the way to school because I only remembered I should have baked some when I woke in a panic at 3am. I’m the one who has to take in forgotten PE kits or leotards because gymnastic club slipped my mind.

September for me though is like my New Year. It’s my chance to start again. To be one of the mums I’m in awe have who always know what is going on and always have the appropriate equipment on the correct day.

I know myself well enough though that making myself a load of promises is setting me up to fail by October half term and making me feel bad.

I will try though. I’ll try and get my act together and be one of those proper grown ups because on the face of it it’s not tricky. So I’m going to tell myself I’ll do better even if that involves telling myself a few fibs.

I will ensure EVERYTHING is ready the night before

Easy peasy this one.

Clothes , equipment , snacks all sorted of an evening meaning no crazy mornings . No crazy mornings mean calm mum . Calm mum is best for everyone involved.

This one isn’t sooooo much of a fib as a little optimistic. I can do this one. I will do this one .

There’ll be a morning though , one of those mornings where something small goes wrong and things spiral. I’ll hit snooze rather than get straight up , there’ll be no bread , small girl will have initially packed her homework in her bag the night before only deciding at 7 am that she must admire it again then misplacing it causing a crazy hunt , missing the train and that’s it then morning madness. Stressy, snappy mum is ON and no one likes her. Least of all me .

Hearty breakfasts shall rein supreme

When small girl is with daddy ,he makes her a hot breakfast everyday .

I can’t fib to you fine folk this does not happen here. Here breakfast is going to be toast or a bowl of cereal ,or a croissant. Croissants I find are doubly helpful as a breakfast item as when the mornings mentioned above happen they can be eaten on the go.

I’ll tell myself I’m going to step up though. All it would take was getting up half hour earlier , make some pancakes or omelettes ,bacon or sausages (not eggs cos they freak me the hell out -see also baked beans) We shall all sit and start the day together eating a delicious breakfast before we go to start our days .

I really am fibbing to myself here.

This I could keep up for a week , maybe two. The thing that seems to happen in this house is though the more time we have to spare the more things go wrong. I could keep up the getting up early but I’d find myself something else to do and before I knew where I was I’d no longer be lovingly flipping heart shaped pancakes but asking if they wanted jam or nutella on their toast and to HURRY UP. … I know my limitations.

I shall become homework enforcer

Nothing causes a good row here like homework.

Me accusing the teens of doing it in a morning for example which they obviously aren’t this DEFINITELY does not need to be in today OK!!!!

Me suggesting to small girl that maybe her teacher won’t mind if she doesn’t use the special homework pen that she’s left behind at school and maybe as long as it’s done is all that matters .

Seriously what do I know.

This year though , I’ll keep right up to date with what the teens need to be doing when so I know what’s going on . Homework planners will be looked at and we’ll have no morning rushes . I’ll have 3 special homework pens for small girl. I’ll not react in a grumpy snappy fashion when she is snappy and grumpy with me when I suggest getting the work done .

I’m only fooling myself.

The teens seem to stop writing homework in their planners come October , they tell me all their homework is online so YES they need the laptop for it . They’re definitely not browsing online …..nope , no way !!! It all goes downhill from there.

Meal planning will happen

This is one I really mean .

Every time I promise it.

Teas shall be planned in advance , meals shall be cooked and frozen where possible and every night I will know what we are going to have without any Asda panic or freezer roulette .

All sounds great , and organised and would work so well for us ….

Except..

Me !!!! I couldn’t handle the thought of knowing what I was going to eat on Thursday. What if I fancied chilli but it was lasagne , that’d drive me nuts ! So I’ll spoil this one , can’t even blame the kids .

The school run will go smoothly

Our lovely calm mornings will mean we are out of the door in good time to get the early train and we’ll get to school with time to spare .

Yeah the others have been gentle fibs to myself but this one is a whopper .

There are just too many components you see.

I’ve got up nice and early -this much I can do.

The kids have got up and ready without too much nagging and moaning and “Come on get up!” X50

We haven’t lost pe kits or homeworks or water bottles

And so many more .

I’ll achieve the school run goal the majority of days , I will. There’ll be those horrific mornings though when it all goes wrong and we’ll get to school JUST as the lines is going in all rushed .

I am going to try at all these things though , really will. They’d all make my life easier and our mornings calmer.

I’m just realistic enough to know in a house with 5 people all with somewhere to be I’ll not hit every one of this goals ,everyday and beating myself up about it won’t really help.

Come on September 2018 -let’s give it our best!!
I’m taking part in the Mummy Monday linky with Becca from Becca Blogs It Out

Blogcrush week 81- August 31 2018

Hi guys!!!!

It’s there….can you see it ???

The end of the holidays is in sight. A funny one here as I now only have 2 children left in school! Teen boy the younger smashed his exams so he’s off to sixth form to do his A levels and the eldest is away dazzling the world of finance!!.So I’ve just the 2 girls left in school , feels very strange!

BIRTHDAY SHOUT OUT

It is my youngest nephews birthday today ,he’s the littlest of all the cousins so his birthdays whizzing by make me feel so old!

Happy Birthday Ollie!!

I love BlogCrush -The kindest linky in town ,sharing all the lovely blog love.

Here you get to not only share your post but a fave you’ve read recently too!!

About BlogCrush

This linky will take blog post submissions from 6am (BST) Friday until 9pm Sunday. At that time, some thumbnail pictures will appear at the bottom of the post and each one will be a link to a different blog post.

– If you’re a blogger, add 2 posts (1 of yours AND 1 by someone else) by clicking the blue “add your link” button

– If you’re here just because you’re my friends and family and are supportive of my blog , well wait up ,stick around and have a browse. We have some very talented bloggers here.

Hosting this week is

Lucy At Home @lucy_at_home

and me!!!Daydreams of a Mum @daydreamer_mum

If you’ve ever come across an amazing post you want to shout from the rooftops about , this is the linky for you!!

If you’re here because someone has nominated you -huge congratulations !!

Feel free to pick up our pretty badge!!

Lucy At Home Blogcrush Week 68

<a href="https://lucyathome.co.uk/" title="Lucy At Home"><img src="https://lucyathome.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2017/11/blogcrush-featured.png" alt="Lucy At Home" style="border: none;" /></a>

The Rules

  • Join in with 2 posts:
    • 1 post from your blog (personal) – no linkies please
    • 1 post from someone else’s blog (your #BlogCrush)
  • When you add your BlogCrush (post written by someone else) to the InLinkz form, put “BC” at the beginning of their title
  • Tweet your BlogCrush (& us) to let them know you’ve added them to the linky and share their link (@lucy_at_home and @daydreamer_mum) Please tweet us your own BlogCrush posts too so we can share them for you.
  • Comment using the #BlogCrush hashtag on at least these 4 posts:
    • 1 post from Host 1 (personal or BC)
    • 1 post from Host 2 (personal or BC)
    • 2x personal posts from the rest of the link up

So that’s a minimum of 4 posts.

Don’t forget to add our beautiful badge

Lucy At Home Blogcrush Week 68

<a href="https://lucyathome.co.uk" title="Lucy At Home"><img src="https://lucyathome.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2017/11/badge.png" alt="Lucy At Home" style="border: none;" /></a>

We get to choose our favourite posts to be featured each week.

This week Lucy has chosen super hero super inappropriate

My fave post last week was this post it made me so nostalgic about small girl and I’s rituals before she started school

Host Post

This week I’m linking up a post about the person I never expected to become

Have a great week everyone can’t wait to read your posts!!

Kelly xxx

https://static.inlinkz.com/cs2.js

The things I never thought I’d be …

I was in a bit of a reflective mood over the weekend (children were away and I had way too much time on my hands for thinking) and I just thought to myself “imagine what 18 year old me would have thought if she could see 38 year old me’s life now ” I’ve been kind of pondering it ever since .

Back when I was younger I had a grand plan. I would study politics at university , I would be a diplomat and I would travel all over the place in my high flying career (original plan to become a physiotherapist having been ditched because A Level biology was HARD!). I would never have children but I’d probably at some point meet a man with an equally high flying career and get married.

Then life happened .

I became so many things I never thought I’d be .

I became a mother .

This was never in the plan. I didn’t like kids. I certainly didn’t want to have to look after one all the time forever.

So glad I did though. Being a mum has opened me up to so many feelings I don’t think I ever would have felt otherwise. Not because I’m saying you have to be a mum to feel , just I’m quite emotionally repressed as a person anyway (or was for a long time ) being a mum gave me access to emotions that were locked away.

I became a mum of 4 .

Now I never would have seen that one coming , but you know each one of these amazing humans I think were necessary in moulding me into the person I am now. I see little parts of myself in their behaviours and there’s something reassuring in that . Even when it’s teen boy the younger and I having a stubborn – off because neither of us will back down!

I became best friends with my sister

Younger me would have sniffed at the idea of that. We had nothing on common , she was a pain in the arse .

I’ve spoken on the blog before about how losing our mum made us closer and here we now and she’s my favourite human on the planet.

I became a anxious ,slightly mental mess

See this one I probably could have predicted. I’ve always had ridiculously unhealthy coping strategies. I didn’t like strong emotions . I turn myself off to them. I think it’s a tactic I used when my dad died. I just turned off the sad . It seemed to work so I then did it for any uncomfortable emotions and I never had to deal with them.This ‘skill’ was particularly deployed during the abusive relationship.

Obviously mature , wise 38 year old me in hindsight can see this was only going to end one way , and only now with years worth of therapy under my belt do I have better ways to cope. Slightly.

I became a survivor

I’m not the biggest fan of that tag. I don’t know how else to describe it though. I don’t want to use victim. I don’t want to speak about ‘suffering’ domestic abuse. 18 year old me didn’t have a clue the abusive relationship was going to happen. 20 year old me though, 25 year old me ,28 year old me they’d never have believed they’d be free of it. They used to make themselves a promise every single new years eve that this would be the year she left. The first time she absolutely believed it but as time passed she’d accepted this awful life was her fate and she’d never be free. Those younger , damaged versions of me wouldn’t have known or believed that one day something would change . A switch would flick and there would be a day in her life that she’d be free.

Yet here I am!!!

I became a blogger

This IS an interesting turn of events.

I am (or was) a closed book. I don’t talk about my feelings (see earlier reference to being emotionally inarticulate and a little bit nuts) I’m a listener more than a talker and I don’t really like people knowing my business. I just find talking about my feelings really tricky and uncomfortable (my therapist struck gold with me eh?) Writing down my thoughts and feelings though that I can do. There are numerous notebooks in my room to prove it , and always have been really. I can’t verbalise emotion well but writing it down I can do.

Writing it down though ,for other people to read well that’d scare me to death. People knowing what goes on in this topsy turvy head of mine -terrifying.

Yet I did it.

I do it , and it helps the topsy turvy head so much.

So this 38 year old mum of a whole tribe , who escaped a terrible situation and is less mentally well than she’d have expected because of it. This woman who writes down her innermost thoughts and experiences and shares them with the world. 18 year old Kelly wouldn’t have expected this is where she’d be , I don’t even think she’d have approved.

38 year old me though is quite content , and very excited to see where the next 20 years will take us.

A trio of tummy flutters …

It’s almost upon me !

That child free holiday with the current crush….

A few days of theatre and culture and GnTs and no one needing me for anything. A time to just be me . Kelly. The woman who adores the theatre, who loves chattering and visiting new places . I don’t get to be her very often.

Mostly I am mum. The one who nags about pots being brought out of teens rooms and spends way too long of each day deciding what we are going to eat . I love being mum I do. I haven’t always but these days I do. It’s nice to have that little break though isn’t it . *Wankery term coming up klaxon* It’s nice to have sometime to reconnect (told you) with yourself and remember who you are aside from mum .

So here I am , case almost packed . Spending way too long choosing what outfits to take and here they come . The trio of tummy flutters . All with their own individual twist.

Tummy Flutter number 1 – mum guilt

The big bad mum guilt. How bloody annoying is it ?? There’s just that unease in the pit of my stomach , telling me what kind of mum ditches her kids to go away with her fancy piece ?? That I’m not going to see the kids at all for ten whole days because of plans I’ve made.

Logical brain kind of covers for me here because small girl is away with daddy for a fortnight anyway. Whether I was here or not I’d not have seen her . As for the elder 3 well I’ve barely seen them these hols anyway as they’re all busy with friends and social lives and work.

There’s no need at all for me to feel bad but yet there it lingers … I’m not going to pay it the attention it wants though , not this time.

Tummy Flutter number 2 – anxiety

That feeling when your tummy drops because you’ve forgotten to do something really important.

My mental health these days is a pretty stable , predictable thing. Anxiety is always hovering around on the outskirts of my consciousness. Doesn’t impose too often but occasionally just knocks on the door of my brain to remind me it’s still there . Anything that needs planning and organisation is always going to roll out the red carpet for my anxiety. It’ll be stood there saying “go on then , balls this up? I’m waiting!! You know you are rubbish at plans ”

I’ve got to be on a super early train for my trip . I’m worried I’ll sleep in. I’m worried I’ll miss the bus to the train station. I’m worried I’ll forget my tickets , get the wrong train .

That I’ve messed up the dates , that anxiety will decide to show up in its strongest form whilst I’m hanging out with someone I really like.

Thing is , these are all legitimate concerns and ones I can do something about. I can cope with this kind of anxiety. The kind when all of a sudden I convince myself I’m going to faint in Sainsbury’s , triggered by nothing that’s an absolute pain. This kind though with at least a couple of toes dipped in reality I can cope with. I can set 3 alarms , double check bus times and dates and pack tickets.

I can beat this kind of anxiety.

Tummy Flutter number 3- crushing

Though the nicest of all the tummy flutters by far the most excruciatingly embarrassing and kinda pathetic.

Oh I am crushing like a teen with the anticipation of our hols. I am grinning like a loon at each message , tummy flipping reading how exciting he is too , daydreaming of all the great things we can do.

This is so unlike me. I am Kelly , Ice Queen , the girl who simply does not get giddy over boys. Never have …thank you universe for hitting me with a teenage crush at almost 40 most decent of you!!

Ah….hurry up hols , I am ready !!

Musings Of A Tired Mummy

BlogCrush week 79 – August 17th 2018

Happy Friday everyone!!

So I officially now have a grown up son!!What a week!

Small girl is off on hols with her dad this week with the elder 3 soon to follow. I have a week without the kids eeeeekkk …..I’m not showing off I promise but in all honesty I am sooo ready for it ! Particularly as I happen to be heading up to Edinburgh Fringe Festival. Long time readers of the blog will know how much I loved it last year so I’m very excited and this year I’ve a very handsome fringe buddy joining me !!

Blogcrush has been one of my absolute favourite linkys from the off.

The kindest linky in town ,sharing all the lovely blog love.

Here you get to not only share your post but a fave you’ve read recently too!!

About BlogCrush

This linky will take blog post submissions from 6am (BST) Friday until 9pm Sunday. At that time, some thumbnail pictures will appear at the bottom of the post and each one will be a link to a different blog post.

– If you’re a blogger, add 2 posts (1 of yours AND 1 by someone else) by clicking the blue “add your link” button

– If you’re here just because you’re my friends and family and are supportive of my blog , well wait up ,stick around and have a browse. We have some very talented bloggers here.

Hosting this week is

Lucy At Home @lucy_at_home

and me!!!Daydreams of a Mum @daydreamer_mum

If you’ve ever come across an amazing post you want to shout from the rooftops about , this is the linky for you!!

If you’re here because someone has nominated you -huge congratulations !!

Feel free to pick up our pretty badge!!

Lucy At Home Blogcrush Week 68

<a href="https://lucyathome.co.uk/" title="Lucy At Home"><img src="https://lucyathome.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2017/11/blogcrush-featured.png" alt="Lucy At Home" style="border: none;" /></a>

The Rules

  • Join in with 2 posts:
    • 1 post from your blog (personal) – no linkies please
    • 1 post from someone else’s blog (your #BlogCrush)
  • When you add your BlogCrush (post written by someone else) to the InLinkz form, put “BC” at the beginning of their title
  • Tweet your BlogCrush (& us) to let them know you’ve added them to the linky and share their link (@lucy_at_home and @daydreamer_mum) Please tweet us your own BlogCrush posts too so we can share them for you.
  • Comment using the #BlogCrush hashtag on at least these 4 posts:
    • 1 post from Host 1 (personal or BC)
    • 1 post from Host 2 (personal or BC)
    • 2x personal posts from the rest of the link up

So that’s a minimum of 4 posts.

Don’t forget to add our beautiful badge

Lucy At Home Blogcrush Week 68

<a href="https://lucyathome.co.uk" title="Lucy At Home"><img src="https://lucyathome.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2017/11/badge.png" alt="Lucy At Home" style="border: none;" /></a>

We get to choose our favourite posts to be featured each week.

This week Lucy has chosen Culture shock in Italy 

My fave post last week was Parenting Little Girls 6 things I’ve learnt by Old House in the Shires

Host Post

This week I’m linking up a post about How amazing my little sister is

Have a great week everyone can’t wait to read your posts!!

 

Kelly xxx

 

<!– start InLinkz script –>

https://static.inlinkz.com/cs2.js
<!– end InLinkz script –>

 

 

 

 

 

 

Blogcrush week 78 – 10th August 2018

Happy Friday everyone !

How’s the week gone ? We surviving the holidays?

Big week here as my first born turns 18! How can that be ?? The boy who taught me how to be a mum is going to be an adult!!

Blogcrush has been one of my absolute favourite linkys from the off.

The kindest linky in town ,sharing all the lovely blog love.

Here you get to not only share your post but a fave you’ve read recently too!!

About BlogCrush

This linky will take blog post submissions from 6am (BST) Friday until 9pm Sunday. At that time, some thumbnail pictures will appear at the bottom of the post and each one will be a link to a different blog post.

– If you’re a blogger, add 2 posts (1 of yours AND 1 by someone else) by clicking the blue “add your link” button

– If you’re here just because you’re my friends and family and are supportive of my blog , well wait up ,stick around and have a browse. We have some very talented bloggers here.

Hosting this week is

Lucy At Home @lucy_at_home

and me!!!Daydreams of a Mum @daydreamer_mum

If you’ve ever come across an amazing post you want to shout from the rooftops about , this is the linky for you!!

If you’re here because someone has nominated you -huge congratulations !!

Feel free to pick up our pretty badge!!

Lucy At Home Blogcrush Week 68

<a href="https://lucyathome.co.uk/" title="Lucy At Home"><img src="https://lucyathome.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2017/11/blogcrush-featured.png" alt="Lucy At Home" style="border: none;" /></a>

#BlogCrush

The Rules

  • Join in with 2 posts:
    • 1 post from your blog (personal) – no linkies please
    • 1 post from someone else’s blog (your #BlogCrush)
  • When you add your BlogCrush (post written by someone else) to the InLinkz form, put “BC” at the beginning of their title
  • Tweet your BlogCrush (& us) to let them know you’ve added them to the linky and share their link (@lucy_at_home and @daydreamer_mum) Please tweet us your own BlogCrush posts too so we can share them for you.
  • Comment using the #BlogCrush hashtag on at least these 4 posts:
    • 1 post from Host 1 (personal or BC)
    • 1 post from Host 2 (personal or BC)
    • 2x personal posts from the rest of the link up

So that’s a minimum of 4 posts.

Don’t forget to add our beautiful badge

Lucy At Home Blogcrush Week 68

<a href="https://lucyathome.co.uk" title="Lucy At Home"><img src="https://lucyathome.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2017/11/badge.png" alt="Lucy At Home" style="border: none;" /></a>

We get to choose our favourite posts to be featured each week.

This week Lucy has chosen It’s ok to take a blogging break by The MumAffairs

Wendy’s fave post last week was The agony of being fat shamed in public by 3 little buttons

Host Post

This week I’m linking up a post about my eldest turning 18 and how being his mum made me who I am

Have a great week everyone can’t wait to read your posts

Kelly xxx

https://static.inlinkz.com/cs2.js

He made me

When your first born child is about to turn 18 there’s a lot of room for soul searching.

18 , that’s huge right ? I have grown a human to adulthood. Me , the girl who can’t keep a plant alive and who loses her purse weekly. Yet there is a man in the world that I grew in my actual body . Who I gave birth to despite my freakishly low pain threshold and who has managed to survive living with me for 18 years and still be relatively sane.

Is this the end point then? What we’ve been leading up to all this time. Can I look at this man and decide whether or not I did a good job. This man I made ?

Except , I didn’t make him or shape him really. The first born well he kinda did things his own way from the off. I’m sure some of my influence has to have rubbed off somewhere and there are genes in there I’m certainly responsible for. However I didn’t make this person.

He made me.

That sweaty August day when we first locked eyes , I was looking at a teeny tiny human who I needed to look after , all the time , forever. He was looking at a 20 year old girl who didn’t have a clue . Not. A . Clue.

He turned me into a mum ,that tiny baby.

He taught me resilience. He suffered horrid colic for months. Every night bang on time the screaming would start . I just felt helpless, he was in pain and I couldn’t help what kind of mum was I??? Every night I was sure I couldn’t get through it , every night we did and the next day , and the one after that.

He taught me how much my mum loved me. My mum died a year , almost to the day , before my son was born. I didn’t fall in love with J the second our eyes met. I’d have been so ashamed to admit that once , but it’s true . That rush of love I’d read about….well there was nothing much there. Weeks later though , during a night feed it just came. In a rush and completely overwhelming . I literally gasped …”I’d die for you ” I told him . “I’d kill for you ” it was massive and so intense and in that second I realised this was how my mum must have felt about me . I’d never been able to comprehend it before. That was an eye opener.

He taught me selflessness. I’m sure some people know this without having to have a baby . I needed it though. Putting another person ahead of yourself for every decision you make. It’s a biggie . I never would have known it if my son hadn’t taught me.

He taught me creativity. Nothing like your first World Book Day to make you learn how to think on your feet. His first ,he went as Harry Potter. I made glasses , I took ages drawing the perfect scar. I made a cloak of invisibility and believe me had I the know how to have made it actually work I really would have done. We won by the way . Not that it matters ….but WE DID!!!!

It’s more than just the big things though.

It’s the little things that have changed me , the tiny blink and you’ll miss them things.

I care about Hull City , like really care and Formula one and Harry Potter and The Hunger Games. I knew episodes of The Tweenies by heart , I was into Balamory !! His enthusiasm for anything is so infectious I can’t help but invest in it myself .

My son took a terrified 20 year old and over 18 years of love and work and tweaking made her into a mum. For him she could get through the bleakest of times . For him she could look an impossible situation square on , put her head down and just take it on. For him she could be braver than she ever thought possible .

All the children have left their mark on who I am , probably way more than I have them.

The first one though , he taught me to be a mum and I am forever grateful.

Also. One day when he was 4. I saw Doctor Who was making a comeback. I had never seen it before but I had a feeling this was something my son and I should watch together(also have the Billie crush). Oh didn’t we just , haven’t we just. I’m not sure how much of series 1 he took in but that’s ok because we’ve revisited it many many times!!

Doctor Who is ‘our’ thing. He can pick out an episode to suit my mood , we can spend many a day binging and not get bored. One day J I promise I will watch The Angels Take Manhattan RIGHT to the end without weeping .

Because of my son I was introduced to another love of my life in Doctor Who and I hope that we’ll always be able to squeeze in an episode or two .

He moulded me that amazing boy , and thank goodness for that.

Mission Mindfulness
Cup of Toast

I’m taking part in the Mummy Monday linky with Becca from Becca Blogs It Out

3 Little Buttons
JakiJellz

A bit of a role reversal

I talk here lots about how great it is that the kids are all getting older and how much I love being a mum to teens (I know I never expected it either ) The thing is ….. I’ll whisper it …sometimes I miss them.

Sometimes I miss the noisy chaotic house , the being in demand . Our house is pretty calm these days , people come and go and I can notice a whole role reversal going on .

What was once a “What’s for tea” x4 from the second they opened their eyes , has become me asking “Who’s in for tea” because likely one or two will be out .

What was once “What are we doing today?” usually uttered around 6am every day of the summer holidays… relentlessly is now my asking “what are your plans for the day?” as a gauge to see if anyone is likely to want to do anything with me .

What was once , in the 3 under 3 days , me silently begging for just 5 minutes peace or silence or calm. Is now me asking does anyone want to watch a movie or play a board game like some kinda needy woman desperate for company .

What was once me counting down to the kids going away for a week with grandparents is now me syncing diaries to find a couple days when we are all 5 of us together .

Days out need meticulous planning with small girl spending half the time at her dad’s and the middle two having teenage social lives and the eldest’s work rota.

It’s not all bad though , the time we do all spend together is precious in its scarcity , no one is so fed up of one anothers company so we can actually have fun.

I’ve raised kids who have their own place in the world , that’s the goal right ?

They don’t reject hanging out with mum , it just needs scheduling…could be worse .

Things are evolving as they always have. That’s parenting.

The danger is looking at the past with rose tinted spectacles….would I go back to the 3 under 3 days of no sleep and no quiet and the hardest work ever. Not a chance .

Let’s face it , if I told you I hated being the first person up in a morning , getting tea and taking it back to bed with a book and enjoying an hour of quiet to start my day in the summer holidays , I’d be absolutely fibbing .

It’s just different…and that’s ok.


Musings Of A Tired Mummy

3 Little Buttons