Tag Archives: family life

Grateful

Firstly – Happy New Year.

I know how inappropriately glib that statement sounds in the current climate , but I do mean it !! I wish you all a very happy new year to come .

Secondly the title of this post may conjure up ideas of a sickly sweet post , looking for the silver linings of the current terrible time . I promise it’s not that. I’m very fed up I’ve not seen my sister in 10 whole months . Not seen my other family back home in over a year . I miss them and lets not even mention that handsome guy I’m fond of , almost forgotten what he looks like!!

The gratitude of the title was a moment , a brief moment, that happened over the Christmas time that kind of stopped me in my tracks . We had such a nice Christmas , our uni boy was home from university , it was our ‘turn’ with the youngest. It was all 5 of us .Having everyone home together was lovely enough. Christmas eve brought one of uni boy’s famous family quizzes . He had warned us beforehand was actually more of a game show (he’d bought the taskmaster book so had himself as Greg Davies to my Johnny Vegas)We quizzed away and that evening was just so full of laughter it’s bringing tears to my eyes thinking and writing about it . What the hell Kelly ?I’m sure you’re thinking. Do you have a laughter ban in your house or something ?? We don’t. We had a really noisy evening of laughing and everyone teasing one another at their individual game failings . I think maybe it was the game of throwing slices of bread into the toaster (that damn book!) We were all laughing our heads off at teen girls total dominance in the sport . Noisy laughter , bread flinging and a fair few crumbs if I’m honest . That’s when it hit me , hard. Our life could have been so different . There’s an alternate universe where this would never be allowed to happen . Back in the abusive relationship Christmas wasn’t a nice happy smiley time . The kids had fun I think -it’s Christmas ! Some abusive men though like to cause a big fuss on days that aren’t focussed on them. I always knew Christmas , the kids birthdays , my birthday and Mothers day it would inevitably kick off . You’d be treading on eggshells the whole time trying to calm and pacify. It would never work of course . He wanted a tantrum he’d damn well have one even if he had to sit working himself for couple of hours first.

Enough of the dark times though , because these days are a whole different story. The relaxation and joy I feel around big days is a million miles away from that . In that silly moment I was so grateful for where we are now , the way the kids have grown up , the way we fit our little family of 5 . A life I never dreamed was possible , well it was possible , we live it now ! I’m not trying to make out we’re like the Waltons or that we live this little perfect life . I’ve struggled at times during the years since we left . My mental health has impacted on the kids and it hasn’t all been rosy. Even during the worst times though I have never ever ever regretted leaving .

I talk often about how much I enjoy living alone (kids aside obviously) This Christmas though highlighted that again. Where we live now feels like the first place I’ve ever been able to put my own stamp on that feels like home and as time goes on little hang ups that I didn’t even realise I had from back then added to by other critical voices since are lessening . I had the decs up nice and early tat and all. That would never have been allowed . I made Christmas dinner to our liking (late and with pretty crispy pigs in blankets …ah that’s our tradition now!!) I watched the soaps . ON CHRISTMAS DAY!!! Forbidden and frowned upon by anyone I’ve previously shared Christmas Day with!! Well with just us for the festive season I can do whatever I like and I did ! Now the days of ‘friendly’ co-parenting with the youngest’s dad are over too I just have no reason to feel invaded ever. It’s just us! Think it definitely helps that the kids are older too now and the bickerfest that would have gone on in their younger days rarely happens bar the occasional fractious game of Articulate !

I’m going to try and hang on to grateful.

It’s a positive emotion , and I think we’re all going to need some of those during the coming months .

Our lives are not perfect in my house , they are ours though.

I’m certainly grateful for that!

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