Every other woman manages…

This is a line that has been trotted out to me a lot over the years.

By a man..

I shouldn’t talk about finding parenting hard work. Every other woman manages.

I shouldn’t mention how exhausted I am some days. Every other woman manages.

Shouldn’t moan that it all overwhelms me at times. Every other woman manages.

It’s been repeated to me so often through the years that half the time I do it to myself. Every struggle I come up against, I tell myself I’m not allowed to moan because every other woman manages.

It’s bullshit.

I know that.

The beginning of the the year started on a low. Not ideal because EVERYONE knows you’re meant to be better in January. I had a crisis of parenting confidence, I was filled with self doubt and in a right old strop with myself about how much of a rubbish mum I was . I should stop blogging too, certainly. I mean how could such an awful mother comment on parenting.

Then I realised.

Every parenting blog I love is written by mums who occasionally get it wrong or find it tough. The ones who don’t claim motherhood to be one long skip in the sunshine. That it’s hard work and full of self doubt.

I’ve always said my parenting style is one of “making it up as I go along” It works for us the vast majority of the time. I have four content, happy, bright, polite, quirky kids. They’re mostly clean (the teens can be a bit hit and miss). Well fed with nutritious food (though we did have pizza last night ) They’re good, kind people (except to each other on occasion)

So that’s OK isn’t it?

Why on earth should I hush about the hard bits?
More to the point why should I be letting a man hush me about my experience of motherhood?

Motherhood is hard.

From growing tiny humans in your actual body, to getting them out, to keeping them warm and fed and safe. Through school runs and parties and teenagers. It’s all really, really hard.

Every other woman manages?
Yes they do.
We absolutely deserve our spaces to talk about the days we don’t manage so easily, to talk about our struggles though. To find support and encouragement and empathy.

Someone a bit wiser than me told me during my brief flirtation with a meltdown this week “show me a parent who’s never made a mistake and I’ll show you a liar”
Very true words.

You know something else too. When parenting is a nice place there can often be an ‘all in it together vibe’. You can confess a mistake (that in all likelihood you’ve blown out of proportion) and some fine soul will tell you a worse one they’ve made.Let’s face it, the ex PM of our country once left his kid in the pub. I have NEVER done that!!

So here’s to talking about the tough bits. Here’s to the mum confessional. Here’s to non judgemental spaces . Here’s to knowing that actually behind the social media supermum act we all try to convey ( if it’s not even a tiny bit of front then well done to you…I’ll raise my post witching hour glass of wine to you) some days aren’t fun and that’s ok because some days really are. Let’s face it , if we all told the truth about motherhood and family life on social media it’d be a pretty whingy place. I love seeing all your happy family photo’s and being able to share peoples good news.

On the shit days though , if you want to offload that today’s been a bit tricky…I don’t mind! I’ll not judge. Maybe we should have a special offload Facebook page…just as a time out from the happy family stuff!

Having children really is a blessing , but even the most precious blessings drive you nuts some days.

My Facebook page is here

Me, Being Mummy

The Pramshed

37 thoughts on “Every other woman manages…

  1. Yes, we all manage as parents – but some days are harder than others. No one should judge us if we need to offload every now and then. It doesn’t mean we don’t love our children – it just means they sometimes drive us batshit crazy. And that’s ok.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Lines like this should be grounds for a punch to the nose! They don’t help you solve a problem, they don’t motivate, and they sure as shit don’t make the moment go any better. Banish these words! #fortheloveofBLOG

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Children really are a blessing, but you’re right still such hard work sometimes. I frequently (well pretty much daily) make mistakes, and get overwhelmed and sometimes just want that elusive break. It’s definitely good to talk about it and realise you are not alone in your thoughts and feelings. Thanks for being honest. xx #fortheloveofBLOG

    Liked by 1 person

  4. I love those instagram stories where the mums looked stressed and worn out – it’s a whole different picture to the permanant ones they post on their time-line! 😉 Sounds like you’re just normal to me! 😉 #fortheloveofBLOG

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Ugh. Yes, we manage. But that doesn’t mean we don’t find it tough. Whoever utters the sentence about how other women manage should think twice because managing isn’t what it always appears to be. #HoneybeeLinky

    Liked by 1 person

  6. It always makes me laugh when I find threads (on parenting websites) about ‘how parenting can’t be that hard’ – clearly written by people who have no children. Yes, it is the hardest job in the world, and most of the time you get no thanks at all. The moments that make it can be few and far between, but they live long in the memory #itsok

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Oh gosh Kelly, not only do you deserve to talk about the hard times – it is absolutely vital! If we kept it all in all of the time we would go insane! The truth is every single one of us is making it up to a degree and we’re all just trying to do our best. I scrutinize myself all the time too for everything I did wrong. We need to be kinder to ourselves don’t we? Not easily done though! #itsok

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Well bloody said! I love this post. Parenting is hard, and it might look like all other women are managing, but they totally aren’t. They’re just covering it up I reckon! I for one happily admit that I’m a bit sh*t at it sometimes. But my two babies and my three year old are alive at the end of the day, so I’m taking that as a win. Thanks for linking up to the #ItsOK linky.

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Love this!!! I’ve heard this too – often – from my own husband (aaaarghhhh!!!). Nobody’s perfect, and even ‘those’ women who manage have rough days and tough times. As you rightly said, we all mess up but we get back on track – that’s real-life parenting! Thanks for linking this fab post up with #itsok love!

    Liked by 1 person

  10. If parenting has taught me anything, it’s not to judge, we’re all just getting through it as best we can.


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