Tag Archives: turning 40

Don’t rain on my parade !!

Are you singing???

I’ve got to tell you using songs from musicals as blog titles just happens I don’t plan it! I think in an alternate universe my life should have been one long musical …

Anyway,I digress (still the name of my autobiography by the way don’t steal it !)

I’ve spoken here on the blog about how I’m excited to turn 40 and I’m still very much of that mindset. What could maybe feel a bit depressing with the whole getting older thing I just feel is maybe an opportunity for a new phase of my life . The end of my 30’s isn’t sad for me . It just feels as though turning 40 is like when you’d go back to school after the summer holidays and have those blank exercise cooks and you’d do your absolute neatest handwriting on that gorgeous,crisp ,blank page .

I have a list (course I do ) not of things I want to do before 40 because that’s a lot of pressure, but things I want to do when I turn 40. All positive things , all things that cause no bother to anyone elses life. Nothing I need help from anyone else with. Just some personal goals to really give my 40’s the positive kick start they deserve .

It’s here (the official list is actually more colourful and written in glitter gel pens but they don’t photograph so well!)

I think it’s quite a modest list .

Here though is where the parade rainer- onners come in .

I’m a bit giddy when I’m excited …I want to tell everyone all about my grand plans. This ,my friends, is where you really get to see people .

Surprisingly ,even my children are supportive and positive about my plans .

“How’s your Italian coming along mum ”

” How’s the writing going ?”

“You know noone wants to come to Mull with you right? ”

Ok so the last one doesn’t sound so supportive but as it clearly says on the list go somewhere quiet alone I’m taking it .

The few people I do trust to be on board with my plans really are !They ask and seem interested (appreciate it even if they’re bored of me !)

Then there are …..the others ….

I don’t know if you guys have these kind of people in your life . People who whenever you try to be positive try to stick a big old rain cloud in . You say you’re going for dinner somewhere nice for them to tell you about their friend who went there and got food poisoning? You say you’re starting a new hobby and they used to do that but broke their ankle and ruined their life . You say you got a brand new dress and they tell you it’ll be half price in the sales next week and you’ve wasted your money ?!!

I hope some of you are nodding along here otherwise I really need to take a hard look at my life !!

Whyyyyyyy??

Why would you see someone is happy and giddy and try to make them miserable (I’m no psychologist but my guess is because they’re pretty miserable people with no ambition and so they just want everyone to feel like them)

My list isn’t gonna impact negatively on anyone’s life but my puppy dog enthusiasm about it seems to be threatening to some!!

So I have to hear how I’m not the right shape for running (effing nonsense ) I definitely won’t do a marathon cos ,you know they’re pretty hard …(hmmm yeah they are ,but so is birthing and raising 4 kids . So is leaving a long abusive relationship . So is ….well putting on duvet covers actually yet here I am , doing it !)

Urgh you’ve been saying you’re finishing that book forever …yawn…

(True I have . I’m a little temperamental though . Also full of anxiety and imposter syndrome when it comes to writing. So I’ve binned the whole thing in a strop/fit of self loathing many a time and had to start from scratch. Not necessarily a bad thing !)

I’m excited to be 40 , I’m excited to see how many things on my list I can do before the year is out. I’m excited to then make a 41 list.

I am ,by nature , an optimist .

The realist in me knows maybe all the list won’t get ticked off , but I’m still ready to give it a good old go !!

So let’s join together and turn the other cheek to all the negative voices and sneery Simon’s (I know no Simon’s … I’m not writing a whole blog post to dig at Simon honestly …the sneerers in my life are more than one man ….and none of them are called Simon …really!!)

Anyway let’s stick with good old Barbra and sing at the top of our lungs about not letting anyone rain on our parades !!!

*afterthought..see the list IS realistic because if it wasn’t – be leading lady in a West End show would DEFINITELY be up there .

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Blogtober – Day 2 – Bucket list

With thanks to Annette at 3 Little Buttons for her blogtober prompts

I am taking part in blogtober and attempting to blog every day this month. Today’s Blogtober prompt is Bucket List.

This is a timely one for me as I’m going through a transformative phase with the blog . Sort of going from parenting blog to …what do I do now they’re growing up and who am I when I’m not mum blog.

Maybe need a snappier title.

I wrote this week about approaching 40 and how I’m looking forward to it. I know there are many lists out there of things to do before you’re 40. I started reading them LAST birthday and wrote all about how I didnt think I was capable so I’m not going to go on about all the stuff I have roughly 10 weeks to do .

I have a different kind of a plan for 40.

40 is when it all begins for me right?

The kids are older . I have this weird thing called free time now . I need to start using it to discover the answer to the old Who Am I? conundrum.

So instead of a bucket list of things to do before 40 , I have a few things I want to do WHEN I am 40 , after I’ve turned 40 . Less time pressure and more focus on a bit of good old self discovery.

I’ll share a few :

Run a marathon

This was something eldest and I discussed years ago . One day we’d love to run a marathon,just to say we had. I think in my head back then it had to be London , but tricky to get a place so currently in my head it’ll be Manchester next April. If the body complies or not is a whole other thing.

Give something back

When I left the abusive relationship I was lost and scared and supremely overwhelmed. I talk often on my blog about The Freedom Programme and how doing that course saved me . Next year and for the foreseeable really I’d like to give more women the chance to do this so maybe raising money for the womens centre where I did it could help that , and I guess I could combine that with the marathon running.

Finish the book

Been writing a book all my life I think!

One is coming together nicely but I do need to dedicate time to it to try and pull it all together and I suppose see if it’s even any good or not . Some of this free time I talk of definitely needs to be sent the books way.

Visit new places

I’ve been nowhere . Seen nothing . I had babies in my 20’s and grand plans were on the back burner a while . Doing some exploring in my 40’s has been in The Plan for a while now and I am really excited about this one .

Learn something new

I absolutely bloody adored school. I loved learning . I’d very much like to go back to college and learn something new. Conversational French for the European adventures maybe ,an actual writing class to pull along this book?! I don’t know yet but think the brain could do with a new challenge!

So there we are some of the things on my when I’m 40 bucketlist ! Can’t wait to get cracking!!

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The big 4-0 …

I have 2 and a half months left in my 30’s.

Oooo that does sound a big deal now I’ve written it down !

When I was younger I wasn’t mad keen on turning 30 yet here I am looking 40 directly in the eye ….and I’m excited for it !

I wrote a few years back about how getting older isnt so bad and I’m still in that headspace really. My life has turned out very different than I ever would have planned as a teenager. Back then at nearly 40 I’d have imagined I’d be Prime Minister by now . I had huge ambitions and grand plans to change the world .

I was a pretty dull teen really ,never did all the fun naughty stuff ! In my teenage years I lost both my parents so I guess maybe in hindsight the teenage years were never going to be a life highlight for me .

My twenties were spent pregnant and child rearing . 3 babies under 3 by the time I was 24 meant the most extreme tiredness I’d ever known. I wasn’t away at university doing that politics degree teenage me had planned .I had to adapt my plans and make them a little more family friendly. 3 under 3 was tiring but there was also something fun about it . The elder 3 all similar ages and into similar stuff. We had fun I think. Sometimes amongst the chaos fun was had , I hope they think so too. I hope their memories aren’t clouded by shattered mum being a bit grumpy or noise and too much having to share . I remember one year making Christmas cards for people and us sat in a little conveyor line of glue and glitter and sticking and sparkle . The memory makes me smile .I hope they have some of that too.

The majority of my 20s were also spent in the abusive relationship. Trying to be invisible , trying not to take up any space ,trying to not draw any attention to myself. Stifled and sore and scared . I think probably your twenties should be when you learn who you are a bit and when you begin to develop as a person . Only I had to do the opposite of that and undo who I was to try and placate him. I had to dismantle all the bits that made me me that he found annoying and try to rebuild into someone he liked , that he approved of (Of course I now know I could never have changed into what he wanted as what he wanted would have always changed. I would never , no matter what I did , be good enough in his eyes )

I left before I was 30 , I had another baby in the mix, was living in a brand new town away from home , away from everyone I loved bar these 4 little people . More unexpected events.More things that didn’t fit with my teen plans.

My 30’s were spent rebuilding.

It took way longer and was way harder than I ever would have thought. There were still toxic voices in my life and it took years to realise that I could silence them.

Thirties was hard but I know myself now. I can decipher between what I was told I was by hateful voices and what’s actually true.

So here , approaching 40 I think there’ll be even more self discovery and things I can learn about who I am. I look forward to embracing them and testing myself and just pushing to find out what I’m capable of.

Parenting is strange once the kids get older. You find yourself with all this time. Time you’d have thought back in the chaotic days you’d ever see again . So that timing along with approaching 40 just feels like the hugest of opportunities! I always said when I turn 40 I want to run a marathon. When I turn 40 I want to see new places . When I turn 40 I will be finished writing that bloody book!!

That’s exciting!!

I can’t wait to meet 40 *

*Disclaimer should I actually have a huge I’m 40 meltdown when my birthday comes around can someone please direct me to this post !! Thanks !

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