Tag Archives: teenage crush

A trio of tummy flutters …

It’s almost upon me !

That child free holiday with the current crush….

A few days of theatre and culture and GnTs and no one needing me for anything. A time to just be me . Kelly. The woman who adores the theatre, who loves chattering and visiting new places . I don’t get to be her very often.

Mostly I am mum. The one who nags about pots being brought out of teens rooms and spends way too long of each day deciding what we are going to eat . I love being mum I do. I haven’t always but these days I do. It’s nice to have that little break though isn’t it . *Wankery term coming up klaxon* It’s nice to have sometime to reconnect (told you) with yourself and remember who you are aside from mum .

So here I am , case almost packed . Spending way too long choosing what outfits to take and here they come . The trio of tummy flutters . All with their own individual twist.

Tummy Flutter number 1 – mum guilt

The big bad mum guilt. How bloody annoying is it ?? There’s just that unease in the pit of my stomach , telling me what kind of mum ditches her kids to go away with her fancy piece ?? That I’m not going to see the kids at all for ten whole days because of plans I’ve made.

Logical brain kind of covers for me here because small girl is away with daddy for a fortnight anyway. Whether I was here or not I’d not have seen her . As for the elder 3 well I’ve barely seen them these hols anyway as they’re all busy with friends and social lives and work.

There’s no need at all for me to feel bad but yet there it lingers … I’m not going to pay it the attention it wants though , not this time.

Tummy Flutter number 2 – anxiety

That feeling when your tummy drops because you’ve forgotten to do something really important.

My mental health these days is a pretty stable , predictable thing. Anxiety is always hovering around on the outskirts of my consciousness. Doesn’t impose too often but occasionally just knocks on the door of my brain to remind me it’s still there . Anything that needs planning and organisation is always going to roll out the red carpet for my anxiety. It’ll be stood there saying “go on then , balls this up? I’m waiting!! You know you are rubbish at plans ”

I’ve got to be on a super early train for my trip . I’m worried I’ll sleep in. I’m worried I’ll miss the bus to the train station. I’m worried I’ll forget my tickets , get the wrong train .

That I’ve messed up the dates , that anxiety will decide to show up in its strongest form whilst I’m hanging out with someone I really like.

Thing is , these are all legitimate concerns and ones I can do something about. I can cope with this kind of anxiety. The kind when all of a sudden I convince myself I’m going to faint in Sainsbury’s , triggered by nothing that’s an absolute pain. This kind though with at least a couple of toes dipped in reality I can cope with. I can set 3 alarms , double check bus times and dates and pack tickets.

I can beat this kind of anxiety.

Tummy Flutter number 3- crushing

Though the nicest of all the tummy flutters by far the most excruciatingly embarrassing and kinda pathetic.

Oh I am crushing like a teen with the anticipation of our hols. I am grinning like a loon at each message , tummy flipping reading how exciting he is too , daydreaming of all the great things we can do.

This is so unlike me. I am Kelly , Ice Queen , the girl who simply does not get giddy over boys. Never have …thank you universe for hitting me with a teenage crush at almost 40 most decent of you!!

Ah….hurry up hols , I am ready !!

Musings Of A Tired Mummy
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Things I should’ve gotten out of my system as a teen

I was a dull teenager. I didn’t really do that much. I didn’t hang out on street corners with dodgy boys drinking white cider, I left that to my sister (sorry Lou!)

Now I’m in my 30’s I’m really way too old to pull off all the teenage nonsense and there are some things I wish I’d done back then that I do feel like I’ve maybe missed out on! Can I tell you about some of them?

Experimented with clothes
I’m no style icon. We all know that. I still dress like Rachel Green stuck in a tartan skirt/jumper combo best left in the 90’s. I wish I’d have been a bit  braver when I was younger, not cared what people thought and developed my own style. I recently saw Me Before You. Other than the incessant weeping, the other thing I got from the film was the biggest sense of clothes envy ever. I loved Lou’s wardrobe in the movie. In fact I’m going to buy myself a pair of bumble bee tights, balls to it!!

Broken the rules
I was a bit of a goody two shoes, bloody love that phrase! as a kid (ask my siblings). I didn’t like getting into trouble. I liked being the good one. I never really crossed any lines or tested any boundaries. The most rebellious thing I ever did was to take my library books back late. Only kidding of course, I’d never take my library books back overdue, what kind of monster do you think I am?! It’s really too late to start with all the rule breaking now I’m a woman in her 30’s with 4 children in tow! I can’t but help feeling I missed out on the fun whilst I were down at the library. Maybe I can be a nightmarish old lady, get it out of my system.

Had a teenage crush
I never really got giddy over boys as a teen. Even when I did have a boyfriend I wasn’t over keen. I never scratched anyone’s name into my pencil case, never practised my signature with the object of my desires surname. None of it.Let me tell you it’s really quite unbecoming of a 38 year old woman to be smiling at her phone at a cute text like a loon!People must think I’m nuts!
Should definitely have gotten that out of my system before now. Now. Where’s my pencil case…

Gotten drunk and thrown up in my handbag
Now I’m not saying that I’ve never been crazy drunk. That would be a massive fib. I’ll not even claim I’m never had wine related vomiting incidents BUT I should definitely have done these as a 15 year old rather than a 35 year old.
A hangover at my age lasts at least 2 days and wipes out energy levels for near on a week. Kids and even the tiniest of hangovers as a combo is how I imagine Hell to be (probably with soft play as an added extra!) Really should’ve gotten hangovers out of the way when staying in bed with no one needing anything from me was an option.

So yes in hindsight there are things I should’ve gotten out of the way as a teen but being in your 30’s is pretty rock n roll too. I mean on a Saturday night when the kids are away,  come 7pm I’ll be in my pj’s, pizza on lap, merlot poured.Wild eh? ! 

Yeah I’ll leave the crazy to the teens, I’d not have been any good at it anyway!!



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