Do you ever feel like you’re a passenger in your own life?
That you’re sat there somewhere in the middle of the bus with someone else firmly at the wheel steering your life from one direction to another whilst you’re just sat gazing out the window watching the scenery whizz by but making none of the decisions.
(My name is Kelly and I am over fond of a ropey analogy)
People hop on the bus , engage you in small talk , some stay longer than others . Some you unexpectedly find yourself getting quite deep and meaningful with. Then they hop off back to their own lives .
It’s not necessarily one person driving the bus either. It’s events , circumstance , other people’s dramas.
It’s not you though , it’s never you and it doesn’t really occur to you to mind. You’ve no desire to march yourself to the front of the bus and take the wheel. In fact you’re often too busy people watching your fellow passengers to even notice this is what’s happening.
Ok I’ll stop with the bus now , but I realised recently that I am way too passive in my own life. I don’t make things happen , I’m not dynamic.
My life is spent reacting to situations I find myself in. Reacting to circumstances I find myself in .
I want that to change.
It holds me back you see . My reticence to make a decision about something I want and going out there and getting it leave me forever making plans but nothing ever coming of them.
Recently I went to a workshop about goal setting and it left me really motivated and inspired. You remember I wrote a list of things I wanted to do before 40 ? It’s just here but am I out there chasing them down like a woman on a mission?? Absolutely not . I sent some enquiries re dance classes but when I heard nothing back I left it. I’ve looked at my drafts of ‘The Book’ tweaked a few bits here and there but not really done so much work.
I’m not being down on myself here , really I’m not but this inability to go and grasp the bull by the horns irritates the hell out of me !!
I read once how character traits that you dislike in other people are because you recognise them in yourself. It’s true. I get frustrated by people who have things they are going to do ‘one day ‘but when asked what steps they are taking to get towards these goals there are none.I see myself in this kind of behaviour. I have plans , books and books and books of plans , but rarely do I make it passed step 1!!
I make excuses too (another irritant) I don’t have the time (yet I managed to squeeze in 5 episodes of Russian Doll last night) I probably shouldn’t be spending money on something as self indulgent as dance classes ( so knock your Friday bottle of wine on the head then!!) My blog is just a hobby. I don’t need to do the self hosted thing (Kelly you’ve been wittering on about it for bloody years just get it done!!)
The nonsense and excuses and procrastinating end here!
I’m taking the wheel!
This evening I will watch my trash TV once a good 500 words have been added to ‘The Book’ . It’s not many , but this everyday will add up.
Let’s go grab that wheel and steer towards productivity and see what a journey we can have !!
Just as a positive aside to disliking negative character traits you recognise in yourself , it works the other way round too. Character traits you find attractive in other people are often ones you recognise in yourself . That’s a nice thought isn’t it !!
Right , stop trying to distract me I have work to do!!!!
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