Tag Archives: summer holidays

Shared parenting turns me into a complete cow….

It really does.

Honestly I try to be a good human. I try to do the right thing. 

I try my upmost to be kind and compassionate.

However…

It would seem if you want to bring out the worst in me , co-parent with me.

I just can’t bite my tongue.

I can’t always be reasonable

I can’t turn the other cheek.

I’m a jealous,insecure nutcase.

I’m a spoilt petulant toddler.

I’ll say here as I always do ,small girl’s daddy is a fab daddy. This isn’t about him as such but just the situation.

Here I am not married to the guy , not dating the guy , not even particularly friends with the guy and yet I still have to factor his feelings into any decisions I make regarding small girl. That’s the right thing to do,that’s what’s best for her. I know that.

Small girl has split her time between the two of us since she was tiny. Having two homes is her normal and she’s the most happy and content little girl .Me however…..

It’s such bloody hard work,emotionally draining (I know that’s a bit of a knob phrase but I can’t think of a better way to describe it) It’s the never ending compromise and discussion and always having to take other people’s views into account and basically being a reasonable adult always that takes it out of me!!!

Every summer holidays small girl and daddy head off on their annual roadtrip on their hols.She absolutely loves it and they have great fun and she’s always full of talk of her adventures when she  gets back. She’s done that for years so that’s her normal during the summer.

It’s not my normal though. I miss her. I want to be the one experiencing new things with her, I want to be the one to take her to boring castles ( see excerpt from last year’s holiday diary)

I wanted to take her camping the first time , I wanted to do everything first actually…and second…and forever…

You see I know I’m being ridiculous and unreasonable so that’s a relief. I know the bitchy passive aggressive texts I sometimes don’t stop myself sending in time are juvenile. I know muttering F off under my breath when something has been said that I don’t like is unnecessary but just sometimes plastering on a smile and reverting to my default as the people pleaser you can read about here just isn’t possible!!

I don’t want to take her camping,I bloody hate camping .I share her thoughts on castles for that matter!!! We’re lucky to have daddy to step into the breach for all those outdoorsy pursuits.

I’m the craft parent who doesn’t mind paint making a mess , I’m cooking mummy and ‘making stuff’ person. I’m Disney karaoke mummy.

She has the best of both worlds and is so happy with it.

It’s just for me sometimes I feel as though I only get to be part of half her world and that sucks a bit.


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Me, Being Mummy
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The evolution of the Summer Holidays…

I’m noticing a marked change these summer holidays. I’ve barely seen the teens so far. They’ve all developed these weird social life things (must look at getting myself one of those) It’s gotten me to thinking about how the summer holidays have changed.

As a kid summer holidays are the Best.Thing.Ever!!!!!They last forever and you just get to hang out with your friends all day.

Going back to school was always weird though wasn’t it? Did anyone else used to get really nervous first day back to school because you’d not seen a lot of your class mates in so long??

As an adult pre kids , school hols? Whatevs ! Has no impact on my carefree life. I’m just going about my business going to work and such like. Spending my glorious days off mooching around the shops spending money on myself …. except what the hell??? Why are all the shops full of kids?? The little buggers are everywhere running feral round the shops touching everything. They’ve invaded Costa too?? With their sticky fingers and their snotty noses.When I have kids they’re going to be always perfectly turned out and impeccably behaved…. bloody school holidays!

With pre school children well summer holidays matter not one jot. 

Every single day is basically dealing with other people’s bodily fluids on no sleep. Days , weeks , months merge into one long  sleep deprived hallucination. The only reason you know it’s school holidays time is because you can’t go to soft play for a sit down and a crap cup of tea. It’s full of boisterous ‘big kids’ running around like total maniacs!

When you have primary school aged children the holidays are hard work.

Really , really hard work.

Small people expect to be entertained constantly. 

You use up all your good ideas the first week. You’ve done ,cinema , trampolines, fairs ,bowling already. You have to rely on your free stuff for week 2 . The park ,free museums and movie days. You very soon discover there’s no such thing as a free activity where kids are concerned. The park involves ice creams and that bloody bouncy castle ,museums mean souvenirs and even the brilliant movie day plan means snacks aplenty.

By the end of the holidays you are a shell of your former self. Your brain is frazzled by thinking of fun activities. You can see on social media that everyone else went to much more exciting places than the park to chuck stale bread to ducks . Yes you know you’re meant to feed them peas now Ms Concerned of Facebook. Thanks.

Then come the teen years. 

Where we are now.

I kid ye not my eldest texted me a list of dates he and his brother were available for ‘family stuff’ . What with holidays with grandparents , their dad getting married and the very important football fixtures it seems I have a few days beginning of September.
I mean on days when small girl is at daddy’s and it’s just the teens and I the lie ins are awesome! I mean I don’t actually sleep in ,the internal mum alarm clock sees to that. I can though lay on my bed and read undisturbed for an hour. Living the dream right? No one bugs me to go to the park or do painting or play trains anymore. They entertain themselves quite happily.

The downside of course being they’re not really into mums craft ideas or going out skipping. Activities tend to actually cost and contemplating selling a kidney to pay for a theme park become the norm.

I kinda miss them too ( don’t hate me I know some of you would walk over broken glass for an hours peace in the hols)

So yes summer holidays change , not necessarily for the worse or even the better ,just different.

It’ll change again next summer , we’ll be gearing up for the eldest going away to university…..but let’s not talk about that just yet… I’m not ready!!!

Naptime Natter


Summer holiday sentence bingo! ! 

Summer hols are here! (well almost, just one more week small girl) 

The holidays are great but they do get a bit..well..repetitive. 

There are certain phrases that pop out of your mouth, likely repeatedly, during the coming weeks. Tick them off as you go. First one to get a full house is declared Champion of Summer. 

“You’ve just had your breakfast /dinner /tea”

Usually a response to yet another cry of “I’m hungry”. Does anyone else think this is just a default sentence they utter when they’ve nothing else to say?? Has to be some kind of programming default.

 
“Tidy your room then”

Direct answer to either “I’m bored” or “there’s nothing to do”. It’s a classic mum line – been around generations and is really effective in getting them to entertain themselves rather than risk having to tidy. My dad’s response to the “I’m bored ” line was always “only boring people get bored Kelly” which really didn’t pack the same punch. 

“We’ll do that next week “

A reply to requests to go to soft play /bowling /a park that’s not a stone’s throw away from your house. It is almost certainly a lie. 

” We’ve ice lollies at home “

Another classic.

Usually muttered in the shop 2 seconds away from home when the little treasures  want you to spend £2 on a Fab. Get real kids I can get 170 from Aldi with that. 

Why don’t you put your shorts on? “

Suggested to the teens when you manage to drag them away from their screens to go out, the sun is blazing yet there they are in jeans and hoodies. Your shorts idea is likely to be met with an eye roll. 

to get some fresh air “

Another one for the teens. A response to the question” Why do we have to come? ” when you’re dragging them away from the x-box. Another classic mum line.

 
Let’s go to the park “

Said on repeat near the end of the holidays when you’ve spent a million pounds on ice-cream and day trips and are just grateful for a free activity. 

If you don’t behave we are going nowhere “

Said when you’re about to go out for the day and spend the afore mentioned million pounds. You’re trying to get organised and have asked for no help from anyone except to hush and let you get on with it. Yet the kids are still bickering and fighting and generally being pains. JUST STOP KICKING YOUR BROTHER WHILST I FIND THE SUNCREAM. 

Let’s have a movie day”

Translation :I’m fed up of the holidays now. I’m exhausted ,I’m sick of you lot arguing and whinging and quite frankly I don’t want to get dressed today. Let’s lounge on the sofa, watch talking chipmunks and call popcorn breakfast. 

I. Am. Done. 

I bloody LOVE the summer holidays “

This line is reserved for the golden week of the hols. The magic week. The week to end all weeks. All 4 kids are on holiday – without me! ! Crack open the prosecco, get out the family size fruit and nut, put on all the trashy TV you’ve been recording in anticipation of this moment – perfection! 

Happy holidays everyone! 

Xxx


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Rhyming with Wine

10 signs the end of the school year is nigh…

It’s July, the summer hols are a stones throw away and don’t we know it. Here are some signs that you’re coming to the end of the school year.

1) EVERYONE (including you) is tired and grumpy.

No one wants to get up in a morning, no one wants to talk about their day. There’s a distinct feeling of ‘let’s just get these last few weeks out the way and go back to being human.

2) You let the kids go to school as though they’re extras from Oliver!
Remember September when everyone looked sooo sparkly and smart and lovely. Cut to July. Shirts are greying, ink stains are ignored, trousers are definitely a bit short. Am I going to spend cash on a new blazer that likely won’t fit by September though? Am I hell as like!

3) School keep asking for stuff.
Summer fete brick a brac (that the kids then buy and bring back home), cakes, spare uniform you no longer need, your purse, your soul. OK just feels like the last two…

4) Back to School displays are already in the shops!
Give us a break could you! Let us forget that at some point we’re going to have to do the dreaded school uniform shop.

5) You’re bombarded with ‘work’
I’m using the word work in it’s loosest term here. The younger the kids are the worse this is. EVERYTHING your little darling has ever scrawled their initial on is coming to your house. You may think you’re getting a toilet roll – but you dare roll your eyes at the sheer mountain of junk this child has in their arms and you will be accused of not loving their work… and therefore not loving them… and therefore being the worst parent ever.. Just smile at the toilet roll for goodness sakes!!

6) You daren’t spend a single penny.
School hols cost a bloody fortune. Even if you’re not taking them on holiday or don’t have a rota of fun days out planned. Why do kids insist on eating 20 meals a day in holiday time?? So be prepared. Use July to save for the summer holidays, by not leaving the house… Or eating.

7) As a parent you begin to go out of your mind.
This, I admit, could just be me. I start to become nagging, whingy, irritable mum in July. I’m done with organised, I’m done with motivation. I’m just ready to spend time with my children with the pressure off… Which leads to..

8) You view the summer hols through rose tinted spectacles.
I love the summer holidays, honestly I do. The freedom to do what we want for over a month is fantastic (yes, yes also the kids go on hols with grandma which helps) but at this time of year, when you’re school weary you make great plans for amazing days out and family trips and you know you’ll have so much fun. Which you will, but don’t beat yourself up if you’ve declared pj day twice by week two.

9) Teacher gifts drive you nuts.
Smallest girl is a craft fan. I suggested she made gifts in reception class and it has stuck. Every year now she wants to make personalised gifts, which is lovely and thoughtful… and time consuming and expensive and hard work and “PLEASE can we just buy a box of Quality Street?”

10) You despair that these children insist on getting too old too quick
Whether it’s last day of pre-school or last day of actual school… ever. The end of the school year makes you realise that these people, these children that came out of your actual body are growing up and getting more and more independent. It’s tough it really is.
Fellow parents, I wish you a summer full of memory making, not having to sell a kidney to fund the ice cream run, minimal sibling bickering and at least a bit of sun!

 


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Naptime Natter

Ah.. Summer… The daydream v the reality

It’s sunny today. Not just that, it’s actually warm too. Summer must be on it’s way. I bloody love summer, especially when school is out and I get the kids to myself in the sunshine and we all have so much fun making memories…. Or something like that in my giddy head anyway. Doesn’t always quite pan out that way…

Picnics!
Daydream: We’re all going to head out somewhere picturesque, we’re going to eat the yummiest of foods (made from scratch with my own fair hands of course). We’ll play football and cricket and have one of those days that shall be treasured forever.

Reality : Wasps. Spoilers of all picnics ever. You cannot enjoy the lovingly made yummy food when you’re having to jump up and run for your life every 5 minutes. Not to mention telling the kids to stay calm and not to flap whilst simultaneously flapping your arse off! Then working out how to dump the entire picnic in the bin so you can get indoors. Away from the outside, away from sunshine and away from the stripy insects of doom!

 

Camping
Daydream : I’m going to get a big tent and we’re going to spend our weekends under the stars. Good old fashioned family bonding time. No games consoles, no tablets just the kids and I and scrabble and chat.

Reality : I hate camping. How could I possibly forget how much I bloody hate bloody camping?! I like actual beds with actual pillows and an actual duvet. I love a real cooker and am very much a fan of roofs! Scrabble is shit too. I’ve lost to the 7 year old 3 times in a row now, I cannot cope with this. Did anyone pack the tablets?
Anyone know the WiFi code for this field???

 

Tennis
Daydream : This one takes place just after Wimbledon usually. We’ll go play tennis all of us. Nice family game of tennis. Hair up in high ponytail, tennis dress on – let’s go. I reckon if we practice hard enough by the end of the summer we’ll all be borderline professionals and I’ll have legs like Sharapova!

Reality : “Mum. Tell him that was out”
“I’m not playing against her”
“It’s 40-30 NOT deuce”
“mum, tell her to serve properly ”
” I’m too hot ”
” I’m hungry”
“I’ve hurt my foot ”
… and STILL I don’t have Sharapova’s legs..

 

 

The beach
Daydream : I bloody love the beach. Kids playing on the sand, me sunbathing with a trashy mag. A stroll along the seafront with chips, maybe an ice cream. It’s going to be so lovely.

Reality : We live more than an hour train ride from the beach. Loads of bags, loads of kids, loads of stress and that’s just the journey. It’s OK though it’ll still be a lovely day.
Ah-unpack onto the sand- chuck a bucket and spade at the kids. Get out my magazine… relax…
Oh my, who just kicked sand in my eye?
Why is that football travelling towards my head at speed.
Oh and don’t even get me started about the wasps…

Do love summer though… Honestly !
Here’s to disastrous days and and pandemonium filled Picnics!!

 


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Mummy in a Tutu