Tag Archives: self care

Show yourself the love this Valentine’s…

I admit I dislike Valentine’s Day. 

However I do really like the idea of love and romance ,of thoughtfulness and little gifts and letting other people know we’re quite fond of them! 

So rather than sit like the Grinch of Valentine’s I’m going to go for “If you can’t beat them join them” school of thought this year. Let’s hijack this celebration and use for a whole lot of self love.

Here’s a few ideas of Valentine’s treats you can spoil  yourself with.

Have half an hour with a book



Have someone else cook dinner
Be that a partner , children that are old enough or the lovely chef at the local takeaway.

Have a bath , in peace 

Take a magazine , soak in bubbles alone.

Watch an old favourite movie

Probably when the kids are in bed.

Get in touch with someone who makes you smile



Practice gratitude 

Make a list of things you are grateful for today.

Buy someone a little gift , just because.

Finding the perfect little gift for someone I care about is instant happiness for me!

Organise a night out with old friends



Buy yourself something you want not need

Even if it’s just an old copy of a favourite book from the charity shop.

Tell someone how fab you think they are 

I did this recently it’s here if you want inspiration!

I know for some of you with little kids some of these ideas will sound like the stuff of fantasy. “A bath in peace ?” Is this woman batshit crazy I hear you cry! I know. I empathise. I remember. 

You may have to tweak my suggestions a little! Bloody hell I may have to tweak my suggestions a little – a 3 teen household with also a 9yr old Lush addict and I’m banking on a long soak in the bath ? Maybe I am batshit crazy!

Do something nice for yourself this Valentine’s. If you’re loved up and happy then enjoy being spoilt by another grown up with likely better suggestions than mine – enjoy!!

If you’re the single type just think back to Valentine’s past and be grateful you don’t have to go through someone presenting you with the world’s most garish underwear (wrong size obvs ) and assuming this means their luck is in tonight ! 

Enjoy love week , I personally think Valentine’s should end at Primary school when the handmade cards and question marks do……although I could do a V day turnaround if handmade cards and question marks made a comeback!!! 

Take note Mr Perfect
Xxx

 


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Being more kind….

It’s world kindness day.
Out of everything I hope my children grow to be , kind was always a huge one. I always thought if I could just bring good , kind , compassionate people into this messed up world than I’d have achieved something parenting wise.

I’d like to think I am kind. I certainly try , there’s always ways to improve on that though isn’t there? So I’ve been thinking of ways we can be a bit kinder in everyday life and I’ve come up with a few ideas:

Compliment people

Depending on how brave I am feeling on any given day I really like to tell people if they look nice or if something they have done is great or if I’m in awe of them.

I’m the person in the clothes shop changing room who tells you you look gorgeous in that dress and you must buy it , I’m the person in the supermarket who empathises over a toddler tantrum.

I’m really only mostly any good at this with strangers though! I struggle with telling people I know that they are amazing. I always worry I don’t sound genuine , I think that’s part of my social anxiety rearing its ugly head but I’m going to try harder.

Make people’s lives easier 

If you ask me to do you a favour I’ll try my best to , as most people do. What about the favours that go unasked though. What about the people desperate for a little help but would never ever ask . Maybe I could nip in there and save them from that. Take soup to a pal feeling under the weather . Be the listening ear on the phone to the friend who is trying to keep it light hearted but you can tell really needs to vent. Be more instinctive I guess would help with this , go with my gut feeling , if the person I attempt to help doesn’t want it then that’s cool but try at least.

Let people know you care

Especially people who you love but have fallen out of touch with , the friends that have fallen by the way side but you miss. I’m a letter writer (I know I’m like a Victorian!) it wouldn’t take any effort just to send a note or an email or a text to those people . Enough of I keep meaning to…and actually do it!

Rein in Ms judgypants 

I like to think I’m not a judgy person , let’s face it ,when you are me and your day to day life resembles a chaotic shambles you’d have a bloody cheek to judge anyone else. Sometimes you do though , I’m ashamed to admit it but I have to if I’m being honest. Just silently in my head I may contemplate strangers choices but it ends here.

Help with loneliness

I don’t mean force yourself upon people who actively choose to be alone (like me most of the time) The mum who has come to toddler group that first time though , terrified of the mummy mafia not tricky to make her a cuppa and make her feel welcome. Listen to the person who is sat next to you on the bus giving you their life story , you might be the only person they’ve spoken to all day. Get the kids to make extra Christmas decorations or cookies and take them to people who are on their own over the festive period.

In all this extra kindness though , don’t forget about yourself. It’s often ourselves we’re the least kind to , we’re the most judgy of and we don’t help enough. As the saying goes you can’t pour from an empty jug and if you’re all out of kindness towards yourself you’ll struggle to pass it on others.

Have a well-done Wispa when the kids are in bed finally , tell yourself you’re doing a great job , have half an hour with a trashy mag to recharge your batteries.

Self kindness is key!

Happy Kindness Day!!!

Do you have any kindness tips to share?

Drains and Radiators

I’ve read lots of articles about how in order to make ourselves happier the key is often to rid ourselves of the toxic and negative people in our life. I’ve always struggled with this as a concept, after all don’t we all have negative down  days where we do feel like we drain other people with our problems?

However as time goes by, the idea of only surrounding yourself with people and even objects that enhance your life (as hopefully you do theirs) is something I’m certainly ready to do, it’s an act of self preservation really. 

The analogy goes something like this. The radiators in your life are the people who generate warmth, they give something back. That’s not to say these people don’t have down days, of course they will and of course you help them through. Generally though being around these people is a positive experience, they delight in your joy as well as sharing their own. These people enhance your life simply by being in it. 

Drains are the opposite. 

They literally drain you of energy, tire you out with their negativity. In this kind of relationship these people take way more than they ever give and are so focused on their own issues they aren’t able to listen to anyone elses. Sometimes we keep these people in our lives out of habit but time spent with them is dispiriting and you can be sure any bubble of happiness you bring to the table will be thoroughly burst. I liken them to the dementors from Harry Potter, people who suck all the happy from your soul. 

We’ve all known this type of person and most of us still probably have them around for one reason or another. You daren’t even ask how they are as you know it’ll be all doom and gloom. I feel I should say again this isn’t  a lovely pal having a crap time of things, they’re obviously going to be nurtured and loved not cast aside. I mean the ones who spending time with fill your heart with dread or you can’t share happy news with them as they’ll immediately bring down your giddy. The ones you only ever hear from when they need a listening ear, the ones who will never even ask how YOU are or how your life is going. 

Radiators though, let’s hang on to those gems with all our might. They’re the people who make our world a  bright place even on a dark day. My sister is my main one. My number one human. The girl who embraces whatever giddy idea I’m having that day and runs with it, no matter how ridiculous it may be. The first person I want to share happy news with. Being in her company is warming in itself like a comfort blanket, she makes me feel cared for and my little world is enhanced immeasurably by having her in it. 

I hope she feels the same, maybe except if she catches me when I’m hungry, I’m not at my best then.
 
I’ve another energy giver too but in a different way. (yes.. maybe it’s a boy! so what? Sssshh) Not so much cosy as empowered, they make me feel as if I could move mountains such is their enthusiasm and zeal. My little world is a more optimistic one with them in it. By the same token I’m a better person around them. The ice queen nonsense drops and I’m a softer, warmer person in their company. 

I think this technique would work for objects too. We’ve all stuff in our houses we don’t like. Maybe it’s a coffee table we think is a bit ugly but we’re just used to having around or a vase bought as a gift that you hate.

Get rid. 

Replace them with things that make you smile when you look at them. 

I’m not saying that by surrounding yourself with warm people and pretty things that nothing bad is ever going to happen. That’s obviously not the case. When the bad stuff does happen though, that’s probably when you need the amazing people and the things that make you smile the most. 

Ditch the drains. 

Cuddle up with the radiators (yes I know I hate cuddling – but as mentioned above, I’m softening)
 
Life is hard enough, fill it with people and things that make you sparkle a little!! 

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