It really does.
Honestly I try to be a good human. I try to do the right thing.
I try my upmost to be kind and compassionate.
It would seem if you want to bring out the worst in me , co-parent with me.
I just can’t bite my tongue.
I can’t always be reasonable
I can’t turn the other cheek.
I’m a jealous,insecure nutcase.
I’m a spoilt petulant toddler.
I’ll say here as I always do ,small girl’s daddy is a fab daddy. This isn’t about him as such but just the situation.
Here I am not married to the guy , not dating the guy , not even particularly friends with the guy and yet I still have to factor his feelings into any decisions I make regarding small girl. That’s the right thing to do,that’s what’s best for her. I know that.
Small girl has split her time between the two of us since she was tiny. Having two homes is her normal and she’s the most happy and content little girl .Me however…..
It’s such bloody hard work,emotionally draining (I know that’s a bit of a knob phrase but I can’t think of a better way to describe it) It’s the never ending compromise and discussion and always having to take other people’s views into account and basically being a reasonable adult always that takes it out of me!!!
Every summer holidays small girl and daddy head off on their annual roadtrip on their hols.She absolutely loves it and they have great fun and she’s always full of talk of her adventures when she gets back. She’s done that for years so that’s her normal during the summer.
It’s not my normal though. I miss her. I want to be the one experiencing new things with her, I want to be the one to take her to boring castles ( see excerpt from last year’s holiday diary)
I wanted to take her camping the first time , I wanted to do everything first actually…and second…and forever…
You see I know I’m being ridiculous and unreasonable so that’s a relief. I know the bitchy passive aggressive texts I sometimes don’t stop myself sending in time are juvenile. I know muttering F off under my breath when something has been said that I don’t like is unnecessary but just sometimes plastering on a smile and reverting to my default as the people pleaser you can read about here just isn’t possible!!
I don’t want to take her camping,I bloody hate camping .I share her thoughts on castles for that matter!!! We’re lucky to have daddy to step into the breach for all those outdoorsy pursuits.
I’m the craft parent who doesn’t mind paint making a mess , I’m cooking mummy and ‘making stuff’ person. I’m Disney karaoke mummy.
She has the best of both worlds and is so happy with it.
It’s just for me sometimes I feel as though I only get to be part of half her world and that sucks a bit.
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