Tag Archives: goals

Calling 2017 me ??? Please come back! 

If you read my blog from time to time you’ll have read me going on ….and on …and on… about how 2017 was a great year for me ,on a personal level . I ended the year on a high. I felt I was getting to know myself a bit better and more importantly I was finally at ease with who I was as a person. The voices that have echoed in my brain for so long after toxic relationships that told me I was stupid , and unloveable and ugly and boring? I was able to quieten them easily as I’d finally  gotten to a stage where I genuinely didn’t believe them to be true. 

I’d dismantled the KEEP OUT tower I’d built around myself in order to keep people away (I wrote about that here ) and realised that actually I do like people , I do like socialising . I still value my own space and company and my solo dates but I like being around other people too.

So all these big progressions were made last year , the Eureka moment of spending some time alone at Edinburgh Fringe Festival was a huge highlight in overcoming my negative demons and all in all I finally felt like I was getting to grips with ‘me’ . Not mummy , not mum but Kelly . My children are getting older now and sometimes I feel not quite as necessary as once I was and had begun to wonder who I am when I’m not mum. I started to find her last year.

2018 what have you done with Miss motivated??? Is she on holiday? Ran away to the circus? Took this finding herself stuff too far and at a silent retreat somewhere? Mmmmm……silence…..

I don’t know why but that woman who was gonna smash the life out of life seems to have retreated. 2018 has been on the whole a little flat , unmotivated and the discovering and working on myself thing that was so important to a positive year last year has gone.

Well this is the call to arms. I want her back. I want her to continue this journey. You know what we need for that? A list!

So last year to begin all the ‘finding myself’ ( am rolling my eyes as I type this feeling like a self indulgent loser – but I promise I’m not ignoring the kids ) Bloody hell I’m a mum , discovering yourself is a thing you can only fit in when they’ve ditched you for grandma’s house! I came up with a list of things I wanted to do before the year was up. I don’t have one this year , and I’m motivated by lists ,they’re my thing. So here’s this year’s to provide a kick up the arse.

Keep writing the book.

Again mum guilt makes me feel bad here . How dare I spend time doing something I want to do? You know what though , it’s that or Celebs go Dating so this is probably less harmful. The Book is something that’s been on the go a while but with 4 kids will be a slow process. I just need to keep at it and not let it slide.

Go to Edinburgh festival again

Revisit the spot of my victory!!! In a total out of comfort zone thing though not alone , not semi alone , not alone at all! (Sssshhh with a  man!!!eeeeekkkk) Scary and intriguing and exciting. Most of all very very exciting.

Stand up for what I believe in

I’ve spoken here on this blog about my respect and awe for our young people right now . That they are trying to make changes and get stuff done. Well that’s well and good but what am I doing to make a difference? Sitting on a sofa and applauding them? Nowhere near good enough. On the centenary of some women getting the vote I think the phrase “deeds not words” is very appropriate . 

Give my blog some love

My blog is no big hitter in the world of blogs , but it has grown lately and is growing. I had vowed to myself that I’d go self hosted before LAST years BlogOn but I’m such a coward I’ve not yet managed it . This year though….for definite.

Go to a dance class

I’d been toying with the idea as a bit of exercise and after doing some research there are loads of options for a total beginner with 2 left feet like me – watch out Strictly. 

So there we are ,the 2018 list. 

I actually feel more motivated just for writing it down you know , told you lists rock!!
I’ll (like it or not ) let you know how I get on!!


My Facebook page is here

”Tale
”Cup

 

         Mummy in a Tutu


The Pramshed

Not Just the 3 of Us

The identity crisis bucket list! 

Earlier in the month I wrote about how now the children are getting older and a little less dependent I’m feeling wobbly and unsettled about who I am as a woman, not just a mum.

How do you find out who you are though? I’m a bit short on babysitters, time and cash to go off on some retreat of self discovery in the Himalayas for 6 months.

I thought a good place to start was think about things I like doing. The important word being I rather than ‘we’. I know what we like doing as a family. I’ve spent the vast majority of the past 17 years finding things ‘we’ like doing and I really, really hope there are years and years of that to come.

I am lucky though in that I do generally get a weekend a month to myself when my elder kids are with grandma and small girl is with daddy. I’ve even almost a fortnight in the summer holidays – that’s too long though I’ll be moaning about missing the kids by day 3. I’ve gotten better at utilising my child free time though. I did spend years just sitting home whinging about being lonely. I just need to keep doing that, maximising my free time . Try and find that woman that’s tucked away in here, rediscover the passions and interests that don’t lie solely on keeping these gorgeous human beings of mine alive and well.

I did what I always do.
Made a list.
It’s nothing earth shattering or awe inspiring but just a gentle start of remembering or discovering what makes me tick when the kids aren’t around.
Can I share them?

Go camping – on my own

I’m a fan of doing stuff alone. I’m the advocate of the solo date, I enjoy my own company. I’m quite lucky where I live too with the Peak District almost on the doorstep so one weekend when I’m heartlessly abandoned by my children I’m just going to go walking up there. Look at beautiful scenery and collect my thoughts to the picturesque backdrop.

Go to Edinburgh fringe festival

I’ve always wanted to do this. Wall to wall theatre and art. The children are away for over a week during the summer and I’m going to have myself a little holiday and head Northwards for some culture!

*update – did this , wrote about how I came back a changed woman here )

Exercise

Stay with me here I’m not going to go all gym bunny on you. I loathe the thought of running and swimming so much so it actually puts me off doing it. This is really silly because when I do go for a proper run I do enjoy it. Working up a bit of a sweat with just my cringe worthy play list for company always makes me feel really good. Running is great for keeping my anxiety at bay too. So I’m going to stop being a lazy arse and get out there.

Write the book (or at least try)

Everyone has a book I them don’t they say? Mine is just struggling a bit with the getting out part. Do you know why? Because I feel daft. I worry that people would think “bloody hell we have to put up with her shockingly shite writing with her blog – who does she think she is writing a book?”

It could be true. I could invest time and effort only to produce the world’s worst book, but even if this were to be the case well it’d not have hurt anyone would it?

Let’s crack on with that.

Visit new places

I read a short story by Jenny Colgan once called Paris For One. A woman gets stood up by her boyfriend and ends up visiting Paris alone. I’ve wanted to follow suit ever since. I spent my younger years child rearing so have never really seen anywhere I’d have liked to yet. I might not manage Paris but I could start off with some UK cities surely?

So that’s my list so far.

I’ll bore you to death with tales of my adventures ticking them off but I feel so much happier just having written them down. I’ve showed them to you guys too so that means I HAVE to do them right?

So here’s to making the most of child free weekends instead of moaning about abandonment.

After all the children certainly aren’t pining for me when they’re having fun at grandma’s or having adventures with daddy!

Like my Facebook blog page to follow my adventures