Tag Archives: friends

The things I don’t say…

I’m rubbish at verbalising my feelings. Truly rubbish . I consider myself to be a reasonably articulate woman but it ends with the feelings stuff. I could talk to you from now till the end of time about the little things , chips , Beyonce , rugby , reality TV , Doctor Foster. I can even be emotive when talking – I have on numerous occasions tried to explain a certain moment in Doctor Who to none watchers and shed tears!! I can speak passionately about feminism , domestic abuse , mental health. My deep feelings though , they are just impossible to articulate. That’s why I write this blog I suppose , I find it easier to write down how I feel , still not really easy but words , honest heartfelt words, flow better.

I’m doing Blogtober ( a month long challenge to write every day based on a prompt) Today’s prompt was Secrets. I thought , why not write down some of those  feelings and thoughts I have that will never come out of my mouth. Not necessarily secret but things I never said that I have thought and people who have made a difference and I never got to tell them. Not that they’ll read this but some will (probably because I’ll tag them on FB)

*Possible slush alert klaxon*

My sister : My favourite human being on the planet . I do not know how I would get through this life nonsense without you. I admire you in so many ways and I wish I could be a bit more like you . On the shittest of shitty days I know that when I speak to you on the phone I’ll laugh , you get me like noone else and I love that I constantly honk laugh at your house cos it means I’m genuinely bloody happy!! I’m sorry I don’t get home enough but THAT I can rectify! I love you so so so much like properly love you ….Life would be unbearably grim without you in it , so stop using Doctor Google to diagnose yourself with life threatening illnesses please!!

Elder kids grandparents: Your son is a disgrace of a human. However you are the most amazing grandparents children could ever wish for. I appreciate how much you do for them , I love that you have the closest of relationships particularly as I have no parents to give them grandparents. I know that you love them as much as I do and thats powerful.You rock.

The school mum crew

Oh my , you lot!!! How did I ever get my child to school with everything she needs without you ??? I love that I don’t have to pretend I am winning at life round you , that I don’t have to don the Supermum cape and pretend to have parenting cracked when we all know I’m just winging it! You 3 are some of the strongest women I know with the most remarkable stories to tell and yet you just wave off what you’ve overcome as though it’s nothing. It’s not nothing , It’s bloody amazing and I’m really quite fond of you!!!

The women who ran The Freedom Programme I went to – You changed my life and saved my sanity . I couldn’t even say Thank you at the time as I didn’t even realise.Thank you so much.

Dr H – Who was one step ahead of the trauma that was family court when I was so overwhelmed I was barely 10 steps behind. The first stranger who ever said I believe you and had my back when I really needed it.

Actually whilst we’re at it…

CW – The first stranger who ever said I don’t believe you. You did so much damage. So much damage  to a young vulnerable woman fresh out of an abusive relationship. I am so angry on her behalf now. Thankfully I am now able to channel that anger and am attempting to maybe teach your profession a little about survivors of domestic abuse.

Friends I’ve lost touch with

I’m the worst , I promise I’ll do better to keep in touch but we are all so bloody busy. Maybe we can have huge 50th bday parties to rival our 18ths once we all have more time on our hands. I do think of you honestly but isn’t life just quite hectic??

D – The woman who spotted a show off in a shy girls body and did great things to give that shy girl a channel for her repressed extrovert! That was huge.

E – Our conversation changed my mindset. I came home from my trip inspired and motivated and with a certain kind of confidence that comes someone listening and feeding back and being great company and all without expectation or creepiness!(rarer than you may think)

HSG – I am forever grateful for the randomness that has made ‘ this ‘ happen , I think you would say fate…. I’m started to come around to that way of thinking. I have never known another person like you (in the best way ) I’m a better person around you as you round my spiky edges. You know the Wicked lyrics ” Who can say if I’ve been changed for the better….but…” In fact balls to it take ” For Good” the whole song! Now to beat The Adjustment Bureau!!! 

So there we are – the things we think but do not say , that quote has been rattling round in my head since I started writing this. Is it Jerry McGuire??? The name of his mission statement??

That was quite therapeutic actually !! I highly recommend it! 

*edited : The things we think AND do not say was Jerry’s mission statement….you know in case it was driving you mad too….as you were!

If you’d like to read more of my meandering thoughts my Facebook page is here




Mission Mindfulness




         


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The one where…. My child ruins Friends for me 

One thing I love about the teens getting older is being able to introduce them to TV shows and movies and books that I used to love when I was their ages. It’s so nice now they’re older to make the tv snacks, get on the sofa and watch something together.

Some of my shows and movies are more successful than others. Dawson’s Creek was ridiculed and heckled throughout, much to my dismay.

Friends though. Friends was welcomed with open arms. We went through every series. We began recording the actual programmes we would have ordinarily watched on tv as they just wanted to watch ‘one more episode’ of Friends.

I was smug.

Told you it was good eh?

“Hey! How you doing? ” became the eldests greeting as he got in of an evening. .. to his brother! To himself even! Inappropriate yet really quite funny.

” I’m FINE! “a la Ross when Rachel and Joey are together became code for anything that was clearly anything but.

Smelly cat was sung out loud.

” could I BE wearing anymore clothes ” became the answer to my insistence they wrap up warm to go to the football.

All was good.

I was cool mum.

I am the best.

Then it happened.

We’re rewatching some Friends more recently (yes they loved it THAT much) we’re at a later series, close to the end and my 15yo youngest son spoils it all.

Youngest son : Mum I’m surprised you wanted Ross and Rachel to end up together.

Me: Why? You know I’m a sucker for a love story!

Youngest son : love? Is it though? That whole relationship is just toxic. Ross is too  controlling.

I am stunned into silence at this point.

That’s OK though because he’s going to elaborate.. .

Elaborate he does. .

How unsupportive Ross is when Rachel lands her dream job.

The suffocating manner in which  he behaves about Mark. Becoming a stalky control freak creepfest.

How he never takes responsibility for cheating, using the “we were on a break” excuse.

I couldn’t disagree with any of it.

I mean Ross was never my favourite – he’s a sexist idiot. Remember the fuss he made about Ben playing with a doll? How he mocked and sacked the male nanny? ?

So the lesson learned here is this-beware of sharing your old favourites with your children, they they might just spoil it.



Me, Being Mummy






 

Drains and Radiators

I’ve read lots of articles about how in order to make ourselves happier the key is often to rid ourselves of the toxic and negative people in our life. I’ve always struggled with this as a concept, after all don’t we all have negative down  days where we do feel like we drain other people with our problems?

However as time goes by, the idea of only surrounding yourself with people and even objects that enhance your life (as hopefully you do theirs) is something I’m certainly ready to do, it’s an act of self preservation really. 

The analogy goes something like this. The radiators in your life are the people who generate warmth, they give something back. That’s not to say these people don’t have down days, of course they will and of course you help them through. Generally though being around these people is a positive experience, they delight in your joy as well as sharing their own. These people enhance your life simply by being in it. 

Drains are the opposite. 

They literally drain you of energy, tire you out with their negativity. In this kind of relationship these people take way more than they ever give and are so focused on their own issues they aren’t able to listen to anyone elses. Sometimes we keep these people in our lives out of habit but time spent with them is dispiriting and you can be sure any bubble of happiness you bring to the table will be thoroughly burst. I liken them to the dementors from Harry Potter, people who suck all the happy from your soul. 

We’ve all known this type of person and most of us still probably have them around for one reason or another. You daren’t even ask how they are as you know it’ll be all doom and gloom. I feel I should say again this isn’t  a lovely pal having a crap time of things, they’re obviously going to be nurtured and loved not cast aside. I mean the ones who spending time with fill your heart with dread or you can’t share happy news with them as they’ll immediately bring down your giddy. The ones you only ever hear from when they need a listening ear, the ones who will never even ask how YOU are or how your life is going. 

Radiators though, let’s hang on to those gems with all our might. They’re the people who make our world a  bright place even on a dark day. My sister is my main one. My number one human. The girl who embraces whatever giddy idea I’m having that day and runs with it, no matter how ridiculous it may be. The first person I want to share happy news with. Being in her company is warming in itself like a comfort blanket, she makes me feel cared for and my little world is enhanced immeasurably by having her in it. 

I hope she feels the same, maybe except if she catches me when I’m hungry, I’m not at my best then.
 
I’ve another energy giver too but in a different way. (yes.. maybe it’s a boy! so what? Sssshh) Not so much cosy as empowered, they make me feel as if I could move mountains such is their enthusiasm and zeal. My little world is a more optimistic one with them in it. By the same token I’m a better person around them. The ice queen nonsense drops and I’m a softer, warmer person in their company. 

I think this technique would work for objects too. We’ve all stuff in our houses we don’t like. Maybe it’s a coffee table we think is a bit ugly but we’re just used to having around or a vase bought as a gift that you hate.

Get rid. 

Replace them with things that make you smile when you look at them. 

I’m not saying that by surrounding yourself with warm people and pretty things that nothing bad is ever going to happen. That’s obviously not the case. When the bad stuff does happen though, that’s probably when you need the amazing people and the things that make you smile the most. 

Ditch the drains. 

Cuddle up with the radiators (yes I know I hate cuddling – but as mentioned above, I’m softening)
 
Life is hard enough, fill it with people and things that make you sparkle a little!! 

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