If you read my blog from time to time you’ll have read me going on ….and on …and on… about how 2017 was a great year for me ,on a personal level . I ended the year on a high. I felt I was getting to know myself a bit better and more importantly I was finally at ease with who I was as a person. The voices that have echoed in my brain for so long after toxic relationships that told me I was stupid , and unloveable and ugly and boring? I was able to quieten them easily as I’d finally gotten to a stage where I genuinely didn’t believe them to be true.
I’d dismantled the KEEP OUT tower I’d built around myself in order to keep people away (I wrote about that here ) and realised that actually I do like people , I do like socialising . I still value my own space and company and my solo dates but I like being around other people too.
So all these big progressions were made last year , the Eureka moment of spending some time alone at Edinburgh Fringe Festival was a huge highlight in overcoming my negative demons and all in all I finally felt like I was getting to grips with ‘me’ . Not mummy , not mum but Kelly . My children are getting older now and sometimes I feel not quite as necessary as once I was and had begun to wonder who I am when I’m not mum. I started to find her last year.
2018 what have you done with Miss motivated??? Is she on holiday? Ran away to the circus? Took this finding herself stuff too far and at a silent retreat somewhere? Mmmmm……silence…..
I don’t know why but that woman who was gonna smash the life out of life seems to have retreated. 2018 has been on the whole a little flat , unmotivated and the discovering and working on myself thing that was so important to a positive year last year has gone.
Well this is the call to arms. I want her back. I want her to continue this journey. You know what we need for that? A list!
So last year to begin all the ‘finding myself’ ( am rolling my eyes as I type this feeling like a self indulgent loser – but I promise I’m not ignoring the kids ) Bloody hell I’m a mum , discovering yourself is a thing you can only fit in when they’ve ditched you for grandma’s house! I came up with a list of things I wanted to do before the year was up. I don’t have one this year , and I’m motivated by lists ,they’re my thing. So here’s this year’s to provide a kick up the arse.
Keep writing the book.
Again mum guilt makes me feel bad here . How dare I spend time doing something I want to do? You know what though , it’s that or Celebs go Dating so this is probably less harmful. The Book is something that’s been on the go a while but with 4 kids will be a slow process. I just need to keep at it and not let it slide.
Go to Edinburgh festival again
Revisit the spot of my victory!!! In a total out of comfort zone thing though not alone , not semi alone , not alone at all! (Sssshhh with a man!!!eeeeekkkk) Scary and intriguing and exciting. Most of all very very exciting.
Stand up for what I believe in
I’ve spoken here on this blog about my respect and awe for our young people right now . That they are trying to make changes and get stuff done. Well that’s well and good but what am I doing to make a difference? Sitting on a sofa and applauding them? Nowhere near good enough. On the centenary of some women getting the vote I think the phrase “deeds not words” is very appropriate .
Give my blog some love
My blog is no big hitter in the world of blogs , but it has grown lately and is growing. I had vowed to myself that I’d go self hosted before LAST years BlogOn but I’m such a coward I’ve not yet managed it . This year though….for definite.
Go to a dance class
I’d been toying with the idea as a bit of exercise and after doing some research there are loads of options for a total beginner with 2 left feet like me – watch out Strictly.
So there we are ,the 2018 list.
I actually feel more motivated just for writing it down you know , told you lists rock!!
I’ll (like it or not ) let you know how I get on!!
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