Friends I’ve got to be honest with you . I thought this blog was dead . There was no funeral or fond farewell or even so much as a goodbye but it had faded to black . Fellow bloggers will know that feeling when inspiration hits and you think “ooo that would make a good blog ” This was still happening to me , my draft folder is full to bursting. When I sat down to write the blog though , to turn an idea into to a few hundred words it just wasn’t happening for me .
Type a sentence.
Re read it.
Find a problem with it.
Delete it .
My lack of blog action for once though was not a result of the dreaded bloggers block.
It was worse than that.
I’d begun to write for someone else , or maybe more I’d begun to read my blog AS someone else.
Last year my blog was discovered by people who really didn’t like how I told my story. When you cover domestic abuse and toxic relationships , well I guess if people recognise themselves in the stories you tell they’re not going to like it.
I’ve always been super careful to not focus on the perpetrators of my abuse in this blog. It’s not a vendetta against any man perceived as ever having done me wrong. I think those of you who’ve read a while and in fact anyone who flicked through old posts can pick up on that. I hope so anyway. This isn’t about them. It’s about me , and all of you who identify. That’s who I tell my story for .
Knowing people had found it though , and been pretty vocal in telling me altered my mindset . I was over analysing every sentence, every word. What would they think to that? Do I want them to know what I’ve been doing ? Is that sentence provocative to them? I’d write things and not dare press publish. I’d have ideas I daren’t elaborate on.
My blog began because it was therapeutic to get the jumble of thoughts whizzing around my head onto the page. May sound dramatic but not being able to , or feeling this huge sense of self censorship did impact negatively on my mental health. This is my safe space , my tiny corner of the internet to talk, to exercise my voice. Only my voice was now silenced .
Just as it was when I was involved in those toxic relationships.
So friends , we’re back ! Me and my voice ready to blog the shit out of life (and given the current state of affairs in this country hardly like I have no inspiration)
Daydreams of a Mum is going to head along a new path though. The parenting blog, I think, has run its course. My elder children are 19,17 and 16 even the little one is 11. There are no cute toddler stories here ,no first day of school tips , no potty training wisdom.
Instead my new focus is going to be on finding out who you are once the kids get that bit older . Rediscovering yourself ,and the adventures you are freer to have when you don’t need to lug a change bag and a buggy around. Rediscovering your identity after so many years of simply being mum . I’m turning 40 too this year which is adding to my need to find myself I think.
Of course you guys know my propensity for going off on a tangent so expect domestic abuse posts , mental health posts , current affairs and my crazy crushes too.
Mainly though let’s go on this journey to find out what’s left over of you after 20 years of parenting and which parts of you haven’t even been unearthed yet.
It’s going to be quite the adventure.
I hope you’ll come along !