If Father’s Day makes you feel bad

My track record with Father’s isn’t great .

My own is dead , I do not live in a nuclear family with either of my childrens’ .

Father’s Day then can be pretty tough.

I’m sure some of you can identify.

Those of us without a dad around to cook for , or take for dinner or spoil well it hurts . Even if years have passed ,like they have for me ,the emails shooting in your inbox advising us to spoil our dad ,get him the perfect gift , take him for the perfect day out ? They sting a bit . I’m not going to spend the day crying in a corner with grief . I’m not going to weep seeing people on social media putting posts on about how fab their dad is. In fact I like them , they make me happy and make me smile. Not having parents doesn’t make me resent other people having that (most of the time !)

We’ll all think of our dads I’m sure. Maybe tell a tale or two.

Some of you may have never known your dad ,again Father’s Day must sting a bit.

Some people may have had a terrible father – absent, abusive , estranged . You may see happy families everywhere you look and wonder why you never got to have that. Feel sad that you’ve not had this relationship through no fault of your own. I hope if that’s you you have other people in your lives who have stood by you , supported you , loved you .

Mums who aren’t with the fathers of their children . Having to feign delight at the kids best dad EVER cards , having to help them make lovely gifts and cards resenting your time spent doing this . Doing it for the kids through gritted teeth. Passive aggressively weighing up whether to equal your rubbish Mother’s day gift for shitness (Mr Grumpy socks anyone) or whether to rise above it , be a bigger person .

To mums whose children’s dads simply are not part of their lives , treat yourselves . It’s tricky when you are all people to your child , breaks are hard to come by. Pencil in 10 mins with a trashy mag or a long bubble bath when the kids are in bed if that’s possible. You’re doing an amazing job in tough circumstances and you rock!

Mums in abusive relationships with their children’s fathers. Being expected to run around after him and serve him even more than usual. Whose presents will not ever be good enough , whose meals will be mocked and thrown at the wall , whose efforts and attempts to create one day of calm will never ever work. Well I just hope you get through it .

To all these people , it’s just one day. Father’s Day at least . Get through it however you need to . Be kind to yourselves . Stay away from social media if that helps or enjoy other people sharing the love . You know what works best for you .

To all the fab dads out there …. have a fab day of being celebrated and spoilt …even if that means being woken up at the crack of dawn by overexcited kids desperate to hand over their gifts !!

See you on the other side !!


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