Check me out – actually blogging , like an actual blogger !! I’ve been lame recently ,well for a while now. I thought this blog had probably come to the end of its natural life. I’d deleted WordPress from my phone. Had stopped promoting posts , joining in with the linkies I love and just finished . People had come across my blog , people who don’t like what I have to say, people who are part of the story I tell and didn’t like the way I told it. It quietened me a little and made me self censor and if I’m going to censor my own thoughts this blog becomes redundant really. ANYWAY I missed my blog and everything about it . Seems when you use something as an outlet for your thoughts and then you stop ,all those thoughts stay whizzing about in your head and that’s no good for anyone .
So thats my explanation for being missing in action , shall I get on with what I wanted to talk about now ??
I always thought myself a fairly antisocial person. That I wasn’t keen on people as a whole and that my own company was much better than people en masse and really I was a happy little hermit .
What I definitely am though is a little lacking in the old self awareness.
Dealing with toxic people has altered my mindset over the years. When the elder 3 were little I went years without real adult social interaction as we all do , an abusive relationship was isolating as they are , low self esteem added to the mix made me think I didn’t really need ‘people’ in my life , I wasn’t used to it and I didn’t miss it.
I must take the time here to say that I still and always will crave and love my own company. Dinner and theatre alone is the ultimate treat. I will forever be an advocate of the solo date , you can read why here .
What I was missing though when I believed I was better avoiding social situations was the concept of choice.
No I don’t want to be around people who drain me ,I wrote about drains and radiator type people and I absolutely stand by that. I don’t want to be around people who make me feel crap. I don’t want to be around dementor type people who suck your soul dry of any joy or happiness . For years and years I did do this . I spent time around these people . Out of habit , out of duty , out of simply struggling to say no .
No wonder I wasn’t a fan of people.
More recently though I’ve learnt to be much more choosy . Our spare time is so very precious isn’t it ? It’s probably the resource we are most lacking in most of the time. Its a pretty crazy thing to do then isn’t it to sacrifice this precious thing on people who don’t deserve it.
To anyone else who suffers from this affliction , who finds themselves spending time and money in social situations having a thoroughly miserable time because they didn’t feel able to say no . I cannot recommend more enthusiastically The Good Girl’s Guide To Being A D*ck by Alexandra Reinwarth (totally not an ad by the way ,just a recommendation from one doormat to potentially another )
Anyway,I digress (that’s absolutely the title of my autobiography by the way) Choice , that’s the key for me now when it comes to people and socialising . A huge revelation for me recently has been how much I absolutely love socialising with people who I like , who like me in return !! Seems so simple doesn’t it ? Spending time with people who enhance your life or make you happy to be around ? Hopefully you do the same for them. I’m sure there are people for whom I’m that person they should discard . If I am I hope they do. That simple concept though , when put into practice really IS that simple .
Of course there are draining, negative people sometimes who you are stuck with , again the book I mentioned earlier has some great advice on how to deal with that instance.
I’ve had a sociable few weeks ,took a trip with that handsome man , spent some time with some fave people in my fave place . Made me sickeningly happy . One of my other fave people got married and just spending the whole day with fantastic people just made my soul happy.
Doesn’t sound like someone who hates people does it ? It’s more the behaviour of someone who avoided EVERYONE to avoid the company of toxic people. Daft decision in hindsight. The people who make my heart happy make my heart REALLY happy.
A favourite blogger of mine Enda wrote a post a few weeks ago that I really identified with about how introverts are extroverts when they’re relaxed . It’s here , give it a look . Well that’s me . I don’t dislike people.
Turns out I just dislike people who make me feel rubbish….I think that’s fair enough really!!