Doria Ragland and the chip on my shoulder

I’ve written before about feeling judged as a single parent. However I feel judged because I am judged. The woman with 4 children and no father at home. This isn’t something that is all in my head.

There are all the scary news headlines I wrote about here for one thing. Then there are comments passed about the lack of ring on your finger (yes seriously!!) about what your kids do for male role models (they have loads of female role models and an awesome grandad thanks for your concern!) Comments made flippantly but ones I always took to heart.

A huge chip on my shoulder about being a single parent is that extra chair at school parents evening where a dad should be. Looking around at all these couples and wondering why I didn’t get to have that ‘proper’ family.

The chip on the shoulder at awards ceremonies , good work assemblies , school plays when I so want to share my pride with someone. I want someone else sat by me as proud and excited about how great these children are .

Then came Doria on Saturday.

A royal wedding. Her daughter a star of the show.

Sat in that church all alone , tears of joy and pride rolling down her face with noone next to her to pass her a tissue. Did she look ashamed though? A bit embarrassed and apologetic for her single mum status?? With the whole world watching on.

Not for a second . She was there , at one with her daughter . Taking up the space she deserved in that church so far away from home. Looking at her beautiful girl and no doubt thinking ‘wow , I raised her’ .

I’m going to be more Doria. I’m going to embrace my single mum status more. Stop feeling like I have to apologise to society for being. Not feeling like I have to explain my situation to people. I’m going to keep my head high because I did a two person job all alone and didn’t totally *touches wood* screw it up.

So next parents evening. When I get the fear. When my anxiety makes me feel like the only single parent in the school , I’m going to think of Doria , I’m going to channel her . Think less about how other kids have 2 parents cheering them on and just cheer double loudly , because that’s what I’ve been doing for years.

Tale of Mummyhood

Cup of Toast

DIY Daddy

Lucy At Home


22 thoughts on “Doria Ragland and the chip on my shoulder

  1. Love this post! She was amazing I thought, being all alone in a different country at her daughter’s wedding. As a single mum too, I hope I am that brave and strong when faced with something like this! #blogstravaganza

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I thought she was awesome, she has raised a wonderful kind and caring daughter who comes across so well. She must have been bursting with pride. My mum pretty much raised me and my sister on her own and she is a brilliant and trong lady i am so proud of what she managed. #Blogstravaganza

    Liked by 1 person

  3. You absolutely should be more Doria, anyone that judges you needs to take a long hard look at themselves in my opinion. You rock Kelly! Thanks so much for sharing with #Blogstravaganza xx


  4. Sadly, I think the region in which you live makes all the difference in single parenting and being judged. Single parents are so very common in many parts of the US, so the judgement is less. I actually just got to thinking about my friends and I realized that single parents outnumber the married ones. #GlobalBlogging

    Liked by 1 person

  5. I’m very happy for you and all the other single parents who got to have that Doria moment! People should judge less and show more compassion. My husband would argue that having a single mom was much better than the alternative, and I’m sure they’re not the only family like that. #blogcrush

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Kelly, you have every single reason to hold your head high. Having a partner doesn’t validate you. There are plenty of highly dysfunctional families with two parents in the picture! You are a wonderful person raising wonderful kids ❤ #BlogCrush

    Liked by 1 person

  7. You, my dear lady, are an inspiration. I was raised by a single mother, and no-one (in my opinion) works harder and sacrifices more than a single parent. It’s hard going it alone, so yes, forget about the ignorant people out there and give yourself a high five… Or 10 🙂 #globalblogging

    Liked by 1 person

  8. This is such a heartfelt post. I agree; Doria Ragland is such a strong woman. She is a positive role model for other single mothers; both those whose children do have a father who plays an active role in their lives and those who do not. I think it was incredibly brave of her to sit by herself as the only representative of Meghan’s family that day. Though Meghan’s as an emblem of modernity in terms of race, the fact that she is an American, an actress and a divorcee, is very groundbreaking, I can’t help but feel that having her mother play such an important role in the ceremony also speaks to so many single-parent families. I know that her father was unable to attend because of health problems and not due to the fact that he is an absentee father, but it was really nice to see Meghan have her mother act as the substitute father of the bride when Doria accompanied her to the church. In years to come, Doria will signify that a mother can be just as important in a marriage ceremony as a father. Thank-you such a great post!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you for your brilliant comment. I think you’re right she is a very positive role model in a time when single parents aren’t really celebrated

      Liked by 1 person

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