My daughter , my way.

Apologies in advance that this could become a bit of a rant. However I inhabit my little corner of the internet so as I can express myself so surely a little rant from time to time is acceptable??

I think as parents we all have certain aspects of our parenting that we really hold dear. I don’t mean the screen time limits that we say exist but fall by the wayside for the sake of a bit of peace ,but the really important things that matter to you as a parent. It might be cooking food from scratch , or everyone sitting around the table together . It may be ensuring you get the kids out into nature and exploring. It may be ensuring books are a way of life or that they are able to express themselves with art and crafty activities. There are just some things along this parenting journey that you’re not willing to let go off because they are important to you.

I mentioned in this previous blog post about how the older I get the more confident I get in expressing my opinions. This goes together I think with backing and defending my parenting style to the hilt. Something I learnt just this week.

Small girl turned 10 this week. She had a fab time , has already worked out how to turn one special day into one special week and does rock a birthday. We went out for dinner with a group of her family and maybe I was particularly irritated that day or maybe ,I think more likely,that I’m so fed up of the kind of nonsense we sometimes spout around our children that on this occasion I had to pick up on it.

Small girl was talking about a boy in her class and how she didn’t like him and he was mean to one of her female friends.

“Oooo he must like her ” someone said.

“boys are always mean to girls they want to be their girlfriend!”

Now. I have heard this narrative a million times. From when I was a child through to now and usually I can turn a blind eye but actually no.

Let’s not tell her things like that I suggested. I don’t want her growing up thinking if a male is nasty or horrid to her that she should just be flattered by the attention. I said it with a smile , I didn’t go on to do the monologue that was in my head about how bloody dangerous this message is to both boys and girls and maybe I should have because the second I opened my mouth I saw it. The collective eye roll. The collective tut thinking “here she goes again on one of her crazy feminist rants”

I’ve seen it before.

I’ve seen it when I pick up on phrases like “don’t be such a girl” when a boy dares express emotion.

I’ve seen it when I ask people not to tell teen girl to ‘dress more like a girl’

When I’ve tried to explain how toxic masculinity is harming our boys as well as our girls.

I’ve seen it a lot , and I think often it has quietened me.

This time it angered me. I am more than aware I cannot police language around my daughter always. I can though I think ask people who she trusts and loves to be mindful of what messages they send to her and I will.

I want my daughter to know for sure there is nothing she can’t do. That she is strong and powerful and brave and intelligent and that she can change the world.

It’s a massive shame that here in 2018 we’re still pedalling ridiculous gender limiting ideas but I always have to challenge them in front of her in the hope that one day she’ll do the exact same thing. That’s more than worth a few eye rolls.

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30 thoughts on “My daughter , my way.

  1. I definitely agree that we should be mindful of what we say especially around children and other vulnerable people. Your rant is more than warranted! x

    Liked by 1 person

  2. oh yes, I agree with you too. I find it’s the older generation who spout the most nonsense, but you sometimes have to remember that things do change over time. Now is the time that women can do and be anything they want to be and nothing and no-one should hold them back. We just have to keep reminding people that are stuck in the past. x

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Kelly it’s sad that despite where we are supposed to be times or at least comments and attitudes have still not changed. Keep on encouraging and supporting your daughter and her generation will make a difference and see a change. #TweensTeensBeyond

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Fair play … I agree. Giving that little shit that kind of power over girls leads to a big shit riding roughshod over bigger women, or trying to. With the compliance of the oppressed who peddle such outdated, silly, dangerous nonsense. Amazing how often women sabotage women, young or old. It’s not just men by any means who do so. #BlogCrush

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thank you !!! I’m so glad people have been so nice about this I was worried people may think I’m getting my knickers in a twist for nothing!!


  5. I couldn’t agree with you more. My kids are free to do and be whatever they want. No stereotypes here and that’s how it believe it should be across the board. Thank you for linking up with #stayclassymama

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Oh god Kelly – the collective eye roll. Totally feeling this one for you. Everyone else always knows best don’t they. A million times worse when it is something that affects your very core being and pain. I have no doubt that your little lady will have the strength that you have passed on to her and go forward her way x thanks for sharing with #tweensteensbeyond

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Yes! Good for you! I also cringe sometimes when I hear people say stuff but I don’t like confrontation. But your last point about “I always have to challenge them in front of her in the hope that one day she’ll do the exact same thing.” has made me realise that I really should speak out about this more often so that my girls learn that it’s okay to challenge these stereotypes. #blogcrush


  8. I’m not sure where I stand on this. I think if you’ve brought your child up thinking equality and to think for themselves, then the odd comment isn’t going to make much difference.

    Liked by 1 person

  9. I’m absolutely in agreement with you. I think it’s a toxic message that is often flippantly said. And there’s enough of this toxicity in our culture without reinforcing it at home. I applaud you for saying something and hope that I can do the same for my daughter when the situation arises. #blogcrush

    Liked by 1 person

  10. Oh dear. It’s not a very clever phrase is it. It’s one I have grown up with as well, and I think in the wrong hands can be a lethal bit of information to clutch onto. You did brilliantly standing up for what you think and there is no way I would have rolled my eyes at you. It’s so important our little girls do not grow up thinking that it’s ok if boys are mean to them, because it means they like them. Uggg.. that really gets my back up. Thanks for joining us for the #dreamteam xx


  11. I don’t have a daughter but I heard someone say to my little boy the other day ‘don’t be such a big girl’s blouse’ when he didn’t like a dog coming near him. I was livid! How dare they say that to him. Put it this way, I didn’t keep quiet! Thanks for sharing with #TriumphantTales.

    Liked by 1 person

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