I love my phone , I do!! Probably a bit too much . I wrote only last week here about how I think I could make a few changes in my life in order to use my phone less.
My phone is my blog , it’s amazing articles fab people share on Twitter that I never would have seen otherwise. It’s chatting on Twitter about Bake Off and Strictly with folk I’ve never met but share common interests with.
My phone is Facebook , it’s keeping connected with people who are as busy as I am and don’t always have time to catch up with personally! It’s bickering with my siblings whilst we find ourselves so unbelievably hilarious it probably should be a bit embarrassing.
My phone is my teenagers sending memes and articles they think will amuse me ,and they do. My phone is even for texts (yeah I still text! i am that old!)
A ‘Good Morning’
A ‘How’s your day been ‘
A ‘saw this and thought of you’
A ‘good luck’
It’s a way of letting people know I’m thinking of them and that they are me too!
Do you know what my phone is not for though?
It’s certainly,absolutely not for phone calls.
(unless it’s my sister)
I like to think on a day to day basis I am on top of many of my anxiety wobbles. On the whole I can deal with people , even strangers. I can walk into a room full of people I don’t know without feeling as though I’m going to faint or get those horrid stomach cramps or feel my face begin to go numb. It’s taken a long time to get here and I’ll fall backwards from time to time but I can do it.
The phone though??? Making phonecalls , even answering phone calls just make me want to find a nice black hole somewhere to hide in! I can’t stand it.
It’s irrational I know that , I have never come to harm because of calling someone up but nothing strikes anxiety into my bones like the thought of having to call a stranger.
Having to make a dentist or doctors appointment takes hours of psyching myself up . Then when I do build myself up to do it and I’m asked to repeat myself (I live away from ‘home’ and my accent can be tricky on the phone for some reason) then I’m all put in a spin and decide it’s best I never speak again.
Calling a venue to enquire after details of an event is unbearable . I will always always email if that is an option.
Seeing errors on bills has me weighing up whether it’s worth just losing the money so as I don’t have to speak to someone.
Phonecalls are my kryptonite , my Achilles heel,my weak link.
They’re the thing that when I’m proud of how far I’ve come with my anxiety, how much better I feel ,how much progress I’ve made sniggers at me from the sidelines.
“yeah you think you’re over me ???How abouts you call up that night class you fancy doing now you’re all social then?? – loser!”
It’s really frustrating and irritating that this thing , which should be a tiny nothing is still the thing that has my tummy churning and breathing off kilter and heart racing.
Maybe I need to just bite the bullet , spend the whole day doing all the phonecalls I need to make as some kind of anti aversion therapy. …those of us who do suffer from anxiety though are so aware that doing things that provoke anxiety are often about as easy as flying to the moon!!
I will overcome this one , as I’ve overcome so many other anxiety triggers. I just don’t know how yet is all!!
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My Facebook page is here