January, you suck.
Christmas was great – everyone knows there are no rules at Christmas.
Chocolate for breakfast? Go ahead.
Baileys before noon? Ah it’s Christmas!
Consuming twice your body weight in cheese ? No judgement here!
Then it begins….back to school seemed to come ridiculously early this year and all of a sudden you have to go back to normal life. Getting dressed and having to communicate with adult humans and everything! That glimpse of the sloth life you always craved was teased to you in a pj -athon festive period before being cruelly snatched right out of your grasp by the utter arse that is January!
You’ve got to cook proper dinners again rather than just allow the children to fridge raid their way through 9 different joints of meat paired up with pasta salad and crusty bread and all the cheese!
You’ve got to parent AND adult (often simultaneously what the hell?),its just a soul destroying time for all concerned.
When I rule the world the first two weeks of January will just be a write off. By law you’ll be required to get cosy on a sofa or bed with all the blankets and soft plush cushions and just stay that way with books and chocolate.
It’ll be a simpler world…
On top of all the aforementioned woes there’s also the fact it’s cold and dark. There is little more torturous to my soul than having to motivate 4 children to get up and clean and ready for school whilst it’s still dark outside! Crap I can barely motivate myself – 3 teenagers and a duvet loving 9 yr old and I , my friends , am screwed.
The other annoying thing about January is the pressure to be better. Well to be fitter , to be healthier , to be thinner. Of course these are admirable being healthier in particular. No one ever resolves to be nicer though do they ? To be kinder? To be more compassionate or helpful? . No one I’ve heard anyway,maybe it’s the company I keep?
I gave up resolutions a few years back now. They just used to make me feel like a failure so I stopped. What makes me feel even more of a failure in January though is that the rest of the world is pulling on their gym kit and I can’t even find my dressing gown belt *
I don’t think my cosy book fortnight plan will likely take off when I am leader of the free world – though it’s a lot less batshit crazy than the kind of thing the current leader of the free world is coming out with so maybe worth a shot after all.
January you make me sadder , you make me colder , you make me lazier .
I’m simply just not a fan ….so hurry up be done and let February show its face. That way I can lock horns with my nemesis and old foe Valentine’s Day…..this year I will triumph with a solo dinner date , a slushy movie and not a soft toy or garish love heart in sight!!
* small girl had used it to tie her feet to her bed in a one woman protest at not wanting to get dressed…like mother….
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