My children do not come from a broken home 

There are way too many phrases that make me want to scream. The term ‘broken home’ has to be up there at number one.

It’s a phrase usually accompanied by statistics:
“Children from broken homes 5x more likely to suffer from mental health problems” (Daily Mail)
“Children from broken homes nine times more likely to commit crime ” (Telegraph)
” 7/10 young offenders come from broken homes” (Telegraph)

I’ve read through these articles,I’ve read the statistics and it seems that broken homes in these instances are those where there are not two biological parents living at home with the children. Broken home is often used to mean fatherless home,although there are of course motherless homes too.

I just think that these articles and statistics and panic inducing headlines do single parents a huge injustice.
Sure some families will struggle after splits and divorce.Sure some single parents will find it hard to cope so maybe we could look at how best to support them rather than write off their children as future thugs.

I don’t know one single parent who always envisaged this as the dream they’ve always wanted to persue from being a young child.I think most people would wish to raise their children in a marriage or long term relationship with their father.To have a calm,stable family life of mum,dad and children where the little ones can learn about healthy,respectful relationships from just observing their parents. Unfortunately though this sometimes simply doesn’t happen. 

Scary headlines don’t help. I for one have a bit of a chip on my shoulder about being a single mum. That chip wasn’t put there by me though. I feel judged because I am judged,often. 

An academic,Patricia Morgan,who has written several studies on family break up says this 

“Broken families and serial fathers produce homes full of conflict and chaos and they are terrible for children”
Well Patricia, I am not as well educated as you . I’m not an academic. I am however on the front line of single parenting,everyday. 
This house you speak of terrible for children? full of conflict? That was our life when we were living in the conventional family that you are so keen on. The fatherless ‘broken’ home we live in currently is one of relative calm , of happiness and laughter , of comfort.

As for the serial father bit that you chucked in there Patricia. We happen to be single parents we’re not animals looking for the next particularly fertile mate. 
Yes there are families where the headlines and stats and stereotypes unfortunately ring true. That’s huge shame for all involved. It’s a shame for society. 

The single parents I know though,raising our future thugs and villains?? We’re actually doing a bloody good job in really tough circumstances. 
We’re resilient, we’re adaptable, we’re hardworking and we’re tough. Rather than looking for the next serial father to jump we’re actually making a cosy haven for our children,making sure they feel safe and loved and secure . We’re doing a two person job single handedly often whilst working or caring for other family members or studying.
The conventional family my children lived in once was a stifling,suffocating one. It was unhealthy and dangerous. It was not the calm nurturing environment it should have been.
My children are not from a broken home. They are from a fixed one.


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36 thoughts on “My children do not come from a broken home 

  1. I’m not a single parent but this is a great post. I think the future of our children is down to how much we nurture them and give them the time and attention that they need, not what our relationship status is or how many half siblings they may have. Beautifully written too 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I hate the term broken home. Seriously, couldn’t broken home also mean when mom gets smacked around by dad?!?! People act like divorce is the end of the world when I know plenty of messed up adults whose parents stayed together in a loveless, destructive marriage “for the kids.”

    It’s a term that needs to fade away immediately. #fortheloveofBLOG

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  3. I despise the word broken home. I don’t think any family is perfect. My parents divorced when I was 15 years old. TBH it probably taught me some great life skills – independence, resilience and valuing relationships. #fortheloveofBLOG

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  4. Amazing post and you are so right. A broken home is one where things aren’t working – not one made of a family that confirms to a ‘ideal’ picture. You sound like you have a wonderfully happy family. And I have so much respect for you keeping a home running on your own – single parenting is incredibly hard from the temporary experiences I’ve had when my husband is away (which I know, I know, isn’t the same) so you deserve a medal. Ignore these ignorant and ill informed comments. It doesn’t matter who looks after children as long as they are fed, clothed and loved!! #fortheloveofBLOG

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  5. absolutely “a fixed one’ is a much better term! No one should be forced to stay in an unhealthy relationship out of fear of statistics #SharingtheBlogLove

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  6. Such a load of nonsense from the media once again. Single parents have it incredibly hard. I do wonder if the people that write these life defining papers think about the consequences of their words, and the damage they might inflict! #ablogginggoodtime.

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  7. What a brilliant post! Your last line sums it up perfectly – “My children are not from a broken home. They are from a fixed one.” As you say, the traditional set-up is not always the idyll it is portrayed to be. #ablogginggoodtime

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  8. Well said! I tried to keep my kids’ dad in their life for as along as I could but he just wasn’t interested and now that has done more damage than if he’d gone at the start. Now they have a wonderful step dad who is more of a father than their biological one ever was. I don’t think it is healthy for children to witness numerous arguments and staying togtehr for the sake of the kids hurts everyone in the long run #ablogginggoodtime

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  9. Very, very, very well said! I really needed to read this tonight. I was on my own with Number One for five years. She has had two dads. She has always been loved. She has always been happy. Thank you Kelly xxx #PostsFromTheHeart

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  10. Well said Kelly. I’m not a single parent but I have friends/family who are, I can’t picture any of their children growing up into criminals. Sometimes the mum/dad family norm isn’t actually best for the kids and I think headlines like the ones you mentioned are unfair and don’t show the whole picture xx #blogcrush

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  11. So true. My mum used to get really annoyed with the phrase single parent. It insinuated that she’d had children out of wedlock but was actually widowed. She did a great job raising us and we certainly wouldn’t be the people we are had our dad not died. People need to be more careful in what they say about single parents because everyone is very different #sharingthebloglove

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  12. Such a powerful post. I remember watching something by Cherry Healy about being a single mum and the media perception is just completely off. Being a single mum in the media automatically makes you a bad person and it’s got to stop. You’re so right that it makes you a stronger person. Parenting is hard enough when you do it with 2 people, but with 1 you have to be twice as strong, twice as tired. xx thanks for linking up with #fortheloveofBLOG

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  13. The worst term ever! Thankfully I don’t hear it used as much as I used to. Sadly single parents never choose that path, but it is normally the right path for them and their children. That last line is so true. thank you for joining us at #SharingtheBlogLove

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  14. I love this post and can totally relate to it. My first marriage ended when our son was four and I heard similar comments about a broken home. The last line is so true and I feel the same way about my home, infact it is everything that it should have been. Thank you for joining us at #sharingthebloglove

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  15. I love this post so much. Those statistics always annoy me too. My mother had myself and my brother with separate fathers. Not by choice, her first marriage broke down and the second turned violent so she did the sensible thing and got us out of there. She then met the man I have called Dad since I was 7yrs old. He also had two children from his first marriage which ended when his wife ran off with another man. This blended family of four children had its problems, doesn’t every family, but we had a great childhood. All four of us have grown up healthy well adjusted adults, got degrees, got married and had kids of our own and are all very happy. Not a thug or layabout amongst us x
    #SharingtheBlogLove

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    1. Thank you , this is the thing. It’s a really silly stereotype. I know truly messed up adults who came from having married parents forever but in unhappy marriages!!!

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  16. Thank you for this a thousand times over! I have raised my daughter on my own since she was born, and though most people are polite, I have gotten that very judge-y tone or insinuations from people about how important it is for the child to have “its” father around. My ex was abusive, an alcoholic who developed a serious drug addiction the last 6 months I stayed with him. My daughter and I are happy, peaceful and silly with each other daily. I agree…our home is repaired and far from broken. ❤❤❤

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