Who am I? 

*Did you just sing the Les Mis song there in your head when you read the title? I have been! *

ANYWAY… Before I even begin this blog post I really want to emphasise that I love my children with all I have. I am even loving motherhood right now, I haven’t always and I can admit that. Currently though I’m really enjoying this part of our parenting journey. 

Being a mum does define me and so it should. My eldest is 17.  I’ve been mum a long time. Being a mum has certainly shaped me in a whole different way than I would have been had I not had children. In fact I think being a mum has made me a better person than I would have been. 

So we’re clear on that yes? 

I’d never dismiss motherhood. 

I’m certainly in no way complaining at my life as a mum. 

I am incredibly grateful and so very lucky to have the family that I have. 

The thing is this. Behind the mum-who on earth am I as a woman? 

Before I had children I was only 19. I’d had grand plans to change the world. Nowhere in these plans was any ideas of getting married and having babies. In fact the one steadfast plan I did have was never wanting children. 

I’m so glad plans don’t always work out. Having children allowed me to discover parts of myself I never even knew existed. 

My children are getting older now. The elder 3 are teenagers, the little one is almost 9.

Well meaning people keep commenting how how now is MY time. Time to take back my life, that the children don’t need me as they once did. 

I have a few problems with this mindset. Mainly the children do need me still. Not with the intensity of younger years admittedly. Parenting teenagers is tricky though, you have to pick up on cues that mean ‘I’m sad, I’m angry, I’m worried’ because they can’t always articulate it. Much like newborns  and  their differing cries that usually only their parents can decipher. Call me needy but I’m not redundant just yet. 

The other bits though? Taking back my life? Well that’s a weird one, the little people are my life. 

It is true though that I do have more spare time these days. This half term hols has highlighted the two sides of the coin on this. I had 3 whole child free days. I had the most glorious time just wandering about, sitting in pubs chatting undisturbed. Relaxed- none of the rushing around my everyday life has, lazy lie ins. I couldn’t have enjoyed myself more. 

When I got home to a empty house though I was at a bit of a loss. Did the house jobs I’d been putting off, cleaned, cooked. Then what? 

What do I do to make me happy and content? 

What is it I actually like to do? 

Who even am I when the children aren’t around? 

I have a bolognaise scenario that sums it up perfectly (keep with me not as nutty as it sounds) 

One thing I do like to do is take a book and go for dinner on my own. If ever I go to an Italian restaurant my initial feeling is to order bolognaise, because I love it. 

UNTRUE 

The kids love it, it bores me to tears. The kids love it so I cook it, I eat it and somehow I’ve become indoctrinated into believing I love it. 

I wonder how many other things fit the bolognaise mould. What other things do I think I like that is really no more than mum habit. 

I want to discover who I am as well as the woman with the overactive womb. I want to find out and nurture a bit the woman behind the mum. (bit tosspotty I know, I’m sorry) 

I’m quite excited by the prospect too. 
Needless to say I’ll bore you guys to death with my little adventure of self discovery.. . after all it’s highly likely when I discover this woman, she’ll be a bit of a knob! ! 


Here’s my Facebook page 

Burnished Chaos

Bringing up Georgia

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<a href=”http://www.motherofteenagers.com/&#8221; target=”_blank”><img src=”http://i36.photobucket.com/albums/e14/Motherofteenagers/teen%20logo%20launch_zpsf7wwiqa5.jpg&#8221; alt=”Mother of Teenagers” /></a><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br />

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21 thoughts on “Who am I? 

  1. You are extremely brave to admit how many of us feel my son’s are all grown now only one still at home since I suffered a major stroke and am now disabled I often wondered if I am any use as a mother but then my son will ask my advice or even how to spell a word and I know that he still does need me#teenstweensandbeyond@_karendennis

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  2. I laughed at the over active womb bit! I think you should enjoy what you have and don’t be pushed into ‘finding yourself’ especially if you are not lost!! I had the revelation when my daughter was quite young Kelly but I have one child – you have four. Give yourself a break. Equally, if you want to start tapping back into the inner Kelly, fill your boots – not ‘tospotty’ at all. Thanks for sharing with us at #TeensTweensBeyond and congratulations on our being our Easter favourite, Nicky

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  3. Oh I so get you with this post. It’s the procrastinating over who we are when we are a mum. I think it’s easier when you don’t have such a label as mother – I never used to question who I was before children so I wonder why I do now. Interesting post and I look forward to the update! #tweensteensbeyond

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  4. Kelly I am totally with you on this thought process. It was exactly this that prompted me to start blogging as I could see that whilst I will always be needed, it is different with teens as you say and this is an opportunity for me to reclaim a bit of me back again. So far I am enjoying the opportunities that have come my way as a result and finding like minded people. I look forward to reading more about your journey. Thanks for joining us again. #TweensTeensBeyond

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  5. I know lots of mums feel like they lose their identity when they become mums but I’ve felt the total opposite – motherhood is a little piece of me I didn’t know I was missing… #postsfromtheheart

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  6. Good luck on your adventure! I know what you mean, and mine are still quite young (5 and 9). I’m just not sure what I’m doing when I’m not mumming! #postsfromtheheart

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  7. I love your posts so much, they are always filled with honesty! I think it’s natural to want to discover yourself, my eldest is now almost ten and I have no idea who I was before I was a mum. And I guess, whoever I was then I am very different now. I’ll look forward to reading your journey of self discovery – it might just give me the kick I need to work out who I am too. #PostsFromTheHeart

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  8. I think I will feel exactly the same in years to come. My whole life at the moment is consumed with my daughter, which is changing every day as she gets older. This is a really brave post, and thank you for sharing. I hope that you had a really lovely weekend away. Thanks for linking up at #fortheloveofBLOG. Claire x

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  9. Big love for this. I love your swag bowl analogy too. This makes total sense and you sum up this stage in your life so perfectly. I am excited for you, to discover a little bit more about yourself and really develop that. I hope you have loads of fun along the way! Thank you for joining us at #familyfun

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