1) The sheer excitement
The kids are so giddy that they’ve been let out of their classrooms, the announcement that Frosty the Snowman is the next song getting cheers I’d not heard since telling my sister it’s ok to drink at breakfast time on Christmas Day.
2) The naughty kids
The ones having a laugh, jabbing people and chatting when the teacher has already put his finger to his lips. Usually prompting a TA to crawl over to them telling them they’re spoiling it for everyone else. For the record kid, you’re not spoiling it for me, I’m having fun.
3) Fake festive teachers
Yes you are wearing a santa hat or a Christmas jumper. Yes you’re smiling and pretending to be jolly, but if anyone dare uncross their legs you are on it like a ninja. Christmas or no Christmas.
4) Terrible singing
Why do kids do that that thing of shouty singing? . Hate to be all Simon Cowell about it, but you can pull off shouting through 12 days of Christmas THREE FRENCH HENS!!! Sounding like a football chant. Doesn’t work to bellow Away in a Manger. All about the song choice kids, all about the song choice.
5) Alternative Christmas plays
If your school ditches the Nativity and goes rogue your child could be ANYTHING my child was once a garden gnome!, in her first school play eldest girl was a piece of tinsel. This involved just standing by a tree silent and still for 20 minutes.
6) Wrong words.
Always the child singing that bit louder than the others getting words so wrong but so enjoying themselves. I want that child to come to my house and sing carols wrongly, yet enthusiastically whilst we eat our Christmas dinner. Unless it’s people singing ‘Good tidings we bring to you and your KING?? In We Wish you a Merry Christmas.. That just grates!!
7) The thank you speeches.
You know where the headteacher thanks all the parents for the lovely Christmas gifts. You’re either feeling terribly guilty at this point as you forgot or very smug as you were sure she was looking directly at you as she said it as yours was totally the best present. Walking past the staff room this morning I have to say I’d be giving a thank you speech too if I’d managed to accumulate that much wine and chocolate!!
Always a risky combo candles and kids and don’t the teachers know it. Everyone is edgy, breathing a huge sigh of relief at the end when they’re blown out. I get a feeling the caretaker is just the other side of the door with the fire extinguisher secretly hoping for his big hero moment after 20 years of unblocking loos.
9) Joining in!!
The actual joining in bit isn’t my favourite, in fact the phrase’ you too mums and dads’ is an anxiety attack trigger I am sure. My favourite bit is looking around and realising all the other parents feel just as awkward and uncomfortable with doing the actions to 6 geese a laying. Well all except one parent who’s whole heartedly embracing the singing and dancing.
10) It’s an excuse for a therapeutic sniffle
Kids singing Away in a Manger just ends in tears every time. Their cute little faces are just too much to stand. Please don’t make the sweetest cutest one sing a solo though, that makes the therapeutic sob into ugly, snotty , crying.
So here’s to school Christmas concerts – just no-one mention that small girl only has 3 Christmases left at Primary school or those ugly, snotty tears will be back!!