Being the ‘other’ parent at Christmas 

Dear Littlest girl,

I’m sorry you won’t be with us at Christmas this year. You’re special you see. Really special, you’re too overloaded with love. Christmas should be all about love shouldn’t it? and doing the right thing. So after 7 Christmases of having you here, this year I have to share. I have to say goodbye to you on Christmas Eve and not see you again till Boxing day.

I’ll miss you.

I’ll miss you so very,  very much.

Your elder siblings are teenagers. I’ll miss not putting out Santa’s snacks with you, welcoming the Christmas eve hamper that the elves bring. I worry daddy won’t get it right our Christmas traditions- because they’re ours, not his.

I’ll pine for you Christmas day. I’ll likely have a cry to myself when no one is looking. You know what though? That’s OK, I’d rather I cry than you do.

All my griping here is for me not you, the only one sad is me, not you. I’m being really selfish moaning about it really.

Your daddy will give you a great Christmas. I know that. He’s a good daddy and he loves you, we both do so much. This is why we have to share your time. You are a fantastic little girl, people crave your presence.

I’m sorry too. We negated the separated parent Christmas angst every year. Every single year. Daddy always came over, did presents and dinner with you, with the elder three, with me. We managed that for you four. I couldn’t keep it up though and I’ll never be sorry enough for that.

Just know, please know, it’s not that we didn’t want you here. There is nothing in this world I wouldn’t do to have you here for Christmas. I mean it. Nothing. I’d do anything.

I’m scared too, I’m scared that because I’m so rubbish at relationships you will suffer. I don’t want Christmas and birthdays to become a competition. I just want you to be happy. We say that all the time us parents don’t we? Your happiness is our aim and it’s true.

So I can push through the Christmas upset for the others and for you. I’m happy to ramp up the Christmas excitement and talk about how much fun it will be to have TWO Christmases. I’ll wave you off full of excitement Christmas eve and I’ll be smiling and waving right until daddy’s car goes over the hill like I always do.

Have the best Christmas day, and that I genuinely mean. I want you to have fun with daddy, unwrapping your presents, having the yummiest Christmas lunch (we both know you prefer daddy’s cooking) just have the best, best day.

When you come home Boxing day we’ll all be so very happy to see you. We love you to tiny little pieces. We’ll have our special Christmas then.

I’ll get better at sharing your time , I promise little girl, for you I’ll do it better. I’ll knock off the complaining, because you’re happy and content and like I say, that’s all that counts.

Love you so very much

Mummy
Xxxxx

Can I add, for any other parents in this position, firstly my heart is with you but secondly can I mention the wonderful work of Sarah Millican and her #joinin on Twitter. She explains it better herself here but the gist is anyone who’s alone at Christmas and really doesn’t want to be can find a bit of company and solidarity on Twitter on Christmas day. 

Even years I’ve all the kids I have to admit there are times during the day and especially once they go to bed that I struggle with the fact I’m just me, alone at Christmas. I’ll # joinin throughout the day and you know there’s a comfort in knowing that it’s not ‘just you’. Social media gets real kicking at times but on this one I think it’s truly a thing of brilliance  … I’ll likely see you there once the kids are in bed and I get the decent chocolate out! ! 

My Facebook page is here

  

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8 thoughts on “Being the ‘other’ parent at Christmas 

  1. This is such an honest post! It must of been difficult to write!. Growing up with a single parent I can totally imagine how she felt! Although I never had holidays with my dad, he wasn’t interested… at all… So… I know it hurts, I remember how sad my mom was, but, the shinning light in it all is that your little girl will grow up knowing BOTH parents love her and wanted to spend time with her. That will be something she will treasure! Take it from someone who knows xxx I pray you have a wonderful Christmas with your older children. P.S. That #joinin is a wonderful idea!!! #eatsleepblogRT

    Liked by 1 person

  2. My brother is in this situation with my niece. I can’t even begin to understand how it must feel, you are very strong. I have to say this post is inspiring, your positivity and selflessness, your kindness when talking about her dad, you are setting the most amazing example and she will thank you for it when she is older xx #eatsleepblogrt

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you for your lovely comment. I’ve had a couple of strops but I know she’ll have a fab time. Hope your brother manages to get some time over the festive period x

      Liked by 1 person

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