Being 36

It’s my birthday next month,time for a  bit of a reflection at the year gone by and this past one, well it feels significant. Important in a really understated kind of way. Worth documenting I hope as maybe in years to come I’ll look back and re read this blog to get an idea of where I was at any given time.

Nothing earthshattering has happened this year. I’ve not married a Mr Perfect type or written that book or moved to the country to run a tea shoppe. . but I’ll keep those in the 10 year plan-dream big as we say!

This year feels more like a lot of little things that have come together and maybe I’m at a bit of a turning point!

Firstly I think this past year is one where I finally really believe I’ve conquered the domestic abuse demons. I’m not saying I’m now unaffected by what I went through. I am. I always will be, but I’ve made my peace with that. I’m one of the lucky ones, still here to tell my story.

The kids and are all free and content and there was a time for years and years that I never believed that to be possible. I’d accepted that life as my lot and never thought I could escape it. This year is one where I feel stronger by what I went through rather than weaker. I hope I can build on that in the coming year and use it to help women in that situation if at all I can.

Another big deal for me this year was sharing this blog with people I know. I know that doesn’t seem huge

“woman in writes a load of waffle and shares it online shocker”

People who know me though, know how much of a closed book I’ve always been. I’m a listener rather than a talker and I’d never in a million years be able to verbalise some of what I write about here. Speaking about my feelings is still tricky, writing them though, well as you’ve seen it’s more tricky to get me to stop.

So thank you for all being so kind and not picking me up constantly on all my writing fails *kisses you all*

Family wise this year has been a biggie. The eldest turned 16. He passed his GCSEs… We, as a family, survived GCSEs – pretty impressive.
I’m so lucky to have these 4, my quirky little family . I’m sure testing times will be on the horizon, that’s parenting teens for you but I’m sure we can get through it.  I’m very lucky to be their mum- some days they likely don’t feel the same I make so many mum mistakes but as I always say, I’m only ever making it up as I go along.

On a personal level this year is the one where I’ve managed to shake off my ice Queen tendencies. I’ve finally, aged 36 managed to pull down the KEEP YOUR DISTANCE barriers I’ve had up for a very very long time! I even dated and did cuddling and handholding and the likes with with a man. He may have helped as well with the ice queen thawing with his all round loveliness and compliments I actually believe. I mean holding out to this age to get crush over a guy is really quite lame, but better late than never don’t they say!

Good job 36 I say! ! It’s in no way been plain sailing and it’s not over just yet, but it’s so far been pretty positive on the whole.

The year writing my blog helped hugely in  dealing  with the past, that I’ve had great fun with my nutty family and a man managed to thaw my icy knickers a bit.

I’d not have predicted any of that this time last year – wonder where we’ll be this time next year! (please please please be good I’ll locate 4 leaved clovers and a lucky rabbits foot and try really hard not to  smash any mirrors)


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