#Blogtober17 – Day 15 – Old Photos – My parents are a fairytale to my children 

Both of my parents had passed away before my children came along. They’ve never had grandparents provided by me. They’ve no happy memories to share, no stories to pass on to their own children like they have with their grandparents on their dads side.

The effect of parenting without parents on me has, at times, not been pretty. There was always a feeling of inadequacy that I couldn’t give my children the loving grandparents they would have been. I know this is irrational, as irrational as the anger I’ve felt towards my parents at times for not being around. Emotions can be irrational and nonsensical though can’t they, especially when you throw in grief to the mix.

Added to rage and inadequacy are a whole other range of feelings I’ve experienced as a mum without parents.

When the children were babies I had moments of despair where I hadn’t a clue what I was doing and I just needed my mum around to ask what the hell I was meant to do about colic!

I’ve felt jealous of people who did get to spend time with my mam and dad, who got to know them and be loved  by them when my children never would.

I’ve been envious of other mums who have their parents to lean on for support and speak of how they don’t know how they’d manage without their help.

I’ve done IT’S NOT FAIR like a toddler.

These are all fleeting feelings though. The only emotion to stick around for the long haul is a sadness. It is really sad that my children never got to meet their grandparents, it’s sad we’ll never get to see how those relationships would have turned out and developed.

My children know of their grandparents though.

My house is full of old photographs, some of my parents. They’ve been up in the house as long as we’ve lived here. They’re familiar to the kids. They’re part of what makes up ‘home’

Mainly though, my parents are fairytales to my children.

They’re a series of stories I tell and repeat.They are faces in the photos.

When I talk to the kids of how my mam made the best pattie and chips and attempt (and fail) to recreate it they’ll giggle at how they hope hers was better.

When youngest boy is watching Only Fools and Horses or Fawlty Towers (he bloody loves them! ) I’ll tell him how my dad loved  them too and find particular episodes he’d made me watch with him.

When the children and I are carrying out our little family Christmas rituals I chat about what we used to do as kids. Through the years we’ve incorporated some old traditions  into ours (post lunch board games and Christmas day buffet tea for example) and that always makes me feel there’s a connection there.

Maybe being a fairytale isn’t so bad, maybe being a familiar character in a familiar story has an endearing charm of it’s own.

My children never knew their grandparents but they do have memories after all I think. Kept alive in my telling them the stories.
After all, fairytales are magical and familiar and comforting and if that’s how the grandparents they didn’t meet feel to them then that’s a whole ‘happy ever after’ of its own.

 


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18 thoughts on “#Blogtober17 – Day 15 – Old Photos – My parents are a fairytale to my children 

  1. emotions are crazy things even without grief in the mix. I reckon irrational and at times angry are perfectly acceptable in this situation. I like that you can create a fairy tale for your kids though, it’s a great way of looking at it #fortheloveofBLOG

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  2. Oh lovely, my heart broke for you reading this, thinking just how you much you must miss them in your lives. I’m so glad that your children are growing up to know your parents, to hear their stories and feel their presence through the stories you tell. Lots of love. xxx

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  3. I think it’s lovely that you share fond memories with them, it keeps your parents present in heart, if not in body. We just lost my husband’s grandmother and I realised with sadness how, even though my boys would see her every week until she declined, even my eldest (just about to turn 4) isn’t old enough to carry those memories of her into his adult years. xx #fortheloveofblog

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  4. This must be so hard we only had one set of grandparents growing up. But sadly by father didn’t like to talk about his parents so I’ve now very little about them. Being able to share your stories is do important. #blogstravganza

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  5. This made me so sad and wished tbis never had to happen you always need your mum but never more than when you have a fanily of your own. Sounds like they were etty special though so you will have some fantastic stories and memories to pass on. Much love #blogstravaganza

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  6. I’m so sorry that your parents are no longer around, I can’t imagine how difficult it is without them. I love that you tell your children stories of them though, it’s so magical. Even though they aren’t around, your children will never forget them and that’s lovely. Thanks so much for linking up to #Blogstravaganza, hope to see you again next week xx

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  7. This is a lovely post. You sound to have done such an amazing job of keeping them alive through your stores. Your children know the essence of them I feel sure. Thank you for sharing. x

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  8. What a lovely way of putting it to your kids – to think of their grandparents as a fairytale and you are obviously keeping them very much alive in their memories. It must have been very hard not having your parents around when you had your children and sharing the time with them. #postsfromtheheart

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  9. This is such a beautiful post, my grandparents on my dad’s side died when I was little, and my brother (seven years younger than me) can’t remember them. They are indeed to him like a fairytale, when he talks about them it’s very much like he knew them. Sending you much love, thank you for sharing such a beautiful post with us at #PostsFromTheHeart

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  10. Well said! I’ve had similar thoughts about how my children will never know my maternal grandfather. He was such an amazing person, and he would have loved them so much. I can only image how hard it is when it is your own parents. #dreamteam

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  11. Such a lovely post and I can really relate to this. My mum died when I was 2 months pregnant with her daughter so she’ll never know her. More than that, she’ll never know her Grandad as he was when mum was alive. She’s only 2 so I find it hard to explain to her that she has another Nana she’ll never meet. The grief is still quiet raw so I can’t quite find the simple words to explain it to her without getting upset. As she gets older I hope to share stories with her like you do with your children. I think it’s beautiful that even though they aren’t physically there, they see your parents as part of “home”. #DreamTeam

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