Youngest boy is tomorrow getting an award at a fancy school awards ceremony. They’re not an easy thing to get, but he had an amazing yr 9 last year. His school report was one of those you really want to rave about on Facebook but you’re too concerned about looking boasty.
I’m so incredibly proud of him and I’m really looking forward to celebrating his achievements with him.
There’s a but coming obviously.. BUT I am really quite sad about going alone. It’s not because I feel inadequate as a single mum either. That used to be my default on occasions such as this but that chip finally seems to have finally fallen from my shoulder thank goodness.
The reason I feel sad is because it’s lonely being a single mum at times. I would love to have another parent who loves him as much as me, who I know feels as proud as I do. I’d love to be able to attend this ceremony tomorrow and share the look of ‘we did a good job’ I see other sets of parents doing. I’d like to go home on the evening and chat about how great the kids are once they’re all tucked up in bed.
None of that is to be though. I’ll go to the awards, I’ll sit alone, I’ll be proud as punch and then we’ll come home and I’ll reflect quietly on my own (after telling the boy how amazing he is of course)
I don’t want to be whinging and the majority of the time I love being a single parent. It’s certainly much better for everyone than living in the hellish abusive relationship when I’d daydream of getting out and how free single motherhood would be.
I’m grateful and privileged to be bringing up these amazing children of mine. It’s just sometimes breathtakingly lonely and the realisation of truly being out there on your own still comes as a shock occasionally. Big school events like this, exam results day, deciding what to choose for birthday and Christmas presents , family days out… they all do make me feel a little fragile still.
Smallest girl is a whole other ball game. Her daddy is very hands on and there is always someone else there on important days and to tell when she does something particularly brilliant. It’s a nice feeling.
I will continue to enjoy single parenting the majority of the time. I’ll continue to be grateful for our new, free life.
The children do have people who love them and the world’s most awesome auntie who is as proud of them as I am.
However if sometimes I go on about the kids too much in this blog or on social media I promise I’m not trying to make out we have perfect children here or being boasty. It’s just, sometimes, I’ve no one else to tell.