In a week where I wished David Cameron to stay on as Prime Minister, I despaired at the thought of a female PM – something I’ve been dreaming of for years, grown ups are hunting pokemon and Bojo became Foreign secretary I’m starting to become a bit hysterical.
You know on movies where everything is going to Hell and there’s a lone crazed figure sitting in a corner, rocking and laughing. I’m beginning to feel like that’s me. I’ve been quietly watching the country go to crap and everytime I think oh well it can’t get any worse – all up from here.Sure enough it does and sure enough my grip on reality seems to loosen a little (Boris isn’t really Foreign Secretary is he?)
So because the world is going insane, I thought I’d think about other unlikely scenarios that might just happen…
Nice becomes the norm.
People are kind and thoughtful and compassionate as the norm. Mums support other mums without judging one another’s every move, the newspapers and magazines stop printing unflattering bikini pics of celebrities as some kind of body shaming game. When people are struggling we help them.
Life is short we aren’t here long, we’re making each others lives easier rather than harder.
Summer finally shows up.
A proper summer, hot and sunny and long. We can make plans for the beach next week safe in the knowledge that there’ll not be a freak thunderstorm whilst we’re sat in our deckchairs with a mini milk. The coming months are filled with barbecues and picnics and sun induced happiness.
Food and drink are guilt free.
Wine is good for you. The government announces an initiative to ensure we get our 2 glasses of red a day, with prosecco and gin encouraged of a weekend to mix it up a little. Hangovers don’t exist, obviously.
Chocolate is calorie free, as are crisps, chips and cake.
Coffee shops learn how to make a proper strong cup of Yorkshire tea. We are in food and drink utopia!
Misogyny is banished.
Men are respectful, ALL men.
Women are not discriminated against, the workplace is a level playing ground.
Abuse and rape is non existent.
It’s OK to walk the streets, even alone, even in the dark..
Hull becomes capital city.
No explanation necessary here. I love the place and am particularly homesick right now. When the whole world is topsy-turvy I can rely on going to Hull as my little pattie laden comfort blanket.
I get my happy ever after.
Mr Perfect lives up to his title. He sweeps me off my feet with romance and charm and loveliness. He ticks every box on the list. He is attentive and kind and thoughtful and chatty.We fall madly in love (yes even I FINALLY do the love stuff) He continues to become lovelier and lovelier as time goes by and is filled with adoration for me that never gets tired…. and they all lived happily ever after…
OK, OK maybe the last one is a bit far fetched… but about that calorie free chocolate though…