The Boyfriend List

I, tongue firmly in cheek, allude to The Boyfriend List in this blog whenever I chat about my singleness or my absolute unshakeable belief that MY Mr Perfect is out there somewhere. I say ‘my’ Mr Perfect because obviously no one actually is perfect are they? I believe there’s someone out there who is perfect for me though.

During a particularly productive therapy session years and years ago I produced a list of characteristics my ideal partner would have. It became The Boyfriend List.

image

image

Now I know EXACTLY what you are thinking. You’re thinking that’s pretty demanding list for a woman in her mid 30s with a whole brood of children. I know that’s how it appears.

Let me explain.

Back when I wrote this list I was still battle weary after the abusive relationship. I was also hugely aware that I was vulnerable.

Life after abuse is scary.

The problem with being tired and wounded and damaged is this : It attracts the very men you need to be well away from. Abusive men love vulnerability, to them it means malleable, easy to manipulate, easy to control.

Even back then I knew I wasn’t put off men forever. That I wasn’t sworn off relationships. It’s unusual to get to my age and never having been in love. I knew one day I wanted to give that a whirl (how on earth can I write my best selling rom com without ever even have had a sniff of the happy ever after stuff)

I was distrustful of my own judgement when I wrote the list. I also knew EVERY relationship I’ve ever been in had come about accidentally. There was never any desire or admiration or even the simple crush about them. I’d met someone, thought they were OK and fallen into a relationship I didn’t particularly want.

I never want to do that again.
So despite how it looks, my list really isn’t a demand.
It’s a promise. To myself.
It’s saying don’t settle.
It’s saying I deserve someone a bit special.
It’s saying even if he never shows you’re best on your own than in a shitty relationship.
It’s saying don’t lower your standards.

Also, as was pointed out to me – (my name is Kelly and I’m the least self aware person in the world) this list isn’t unreasonable.
I’m not asking to be woken in the morning to a specially assembled dawn chorus of trained birds before having breakfast brought in bed on a golden platter followed by out of this world, mind blowing sex. To later find myself spending the day on the yacht of my boyfriend, the most handsome man to walk the earth, lounging in my diamond shoes having my every whim catered to by an adoring man.
It’s really just asking for a decent human being.
That’s not too much to ask is it?

My Facebook blog page is here

The Pramshed

One Messy Mama

Advertisements

10 thoughts on “The Boyfriend List

  1. Hi Kelly! So, I notice this is an older post. Have you found him yet? I think it’s great to have a well thought out list of qualities you want in your boyfriend. It really helps. I wish I had my list with me when I was living abroad. Might have saved me a bunch of trouble! #globalblogging

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Ha Ha yes if I’d written one looong back I’d have saved myself a whole load too!! There is certainly a potential box ticker at the mo so we shall see!!! X

      Liked by 1 person

  2. I’m glad you ended that way, because I was NOT thinking that it is a demanding list! I was thinking good on you for knowing what you want and putting your values first. And also nice to see a list that wasn’t just ‘funny, rich, good looking’! Thanks for joining us at #GlobalBlogging

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Oh what a fabulous list! Love the “get me” part but also the consistent and knowing what ig going on in the world around them. Never lose sight of this list because this man does exist and you will find him. Don’t settle for less #fortheloveofBLOG

    Liked by 1 person

  4. This is a brilliant list, and I hope that you find the man of your dreams. Or have you found him? I think you definitely deserve to be wined and dined on a yacht. Thanks so much for linking up at #fortheloveofBLOG. Claire x

    Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s