Firstly and most importantly before I start my little self pitying whingefest I have to say my little girls daddy is a fantastic daddy, he’s always been hands on and adores little girl as much as she does him. I think he’d agree with most of what I’m about to say though. If we could clone small girl and have one each it would be simple!
Shared parenting can be really tough.
The thing is this. I’m a single mum of 4.My elder 3’s dad pops in and out when he feels like it. That’s OK. I know where I stand there. Elder 3 I’m parenting solo. Just me and them. I make all the decisions, I make all the rules, I do all the work.
With littlest girl it’s different though, we co-parent or whatever the fashionable term that Gywneth and Chris Martin are using currently. Her time is split between both our houses. This suits her perfectly, it’s all she’s ever known and she’s a happy, content, secure little thing.
My problem is it turns out I’m not very good at sharing. I don’t mean sharing ‘her’ like she’s some kind of toy I mean sharing her time.
I won’t fib sometimes when the planets align and my house is a child free zone of a weekend it’s fantastic. I am giddy at the peace and no one needing anything from me…. for a couple of hours. Then you get that weird feeling don’t you? Your house doesn’t ‘feel’ right, you don’t ‘feel’ right. You’re wondering what they’re up to and missing them (which is crazy as yesterday when they were all fighting and bickering you’d have sold your soul for an hours peace)
The worst bit for me is this. Today little girl skipped into school and that’s the last I’ll see of her aged 7. Next time I see her will be teatime her birthday. It’s daddy’s turn for birthday day this year. That sucks . A lot.
As grateful as I am safe in the knowledge he’ll make her birthday super special and she’ll not give me a second thought. As nice as it is that I can spend some quality time with the boys (Hull city – pub boys?Silver linings, silver linings ) I still hate it.
As I said, I’m not a good sharer.
I want to do putting her to bed every birthday eve and waking with her every birthday morning. I want to do our family Christmas on my terms my way every year. I want to do every holiday and day out. I want to be the one hearing about her day every single day, not just most of them.
I know I’m being selfish, she’s happy. This works for her, that’s the important thing (my mantra) She has two parents who adore her and she seems to be thriving on it. I’m grateful she’s a brilliant relationship with her daddy, honestly I am.
However, that doesn’t stop me fancying a bit of a footstamping toddler tantrum at this time of year.