When I decided to make this blog ‘public’ and share it with people who actually know me rather than just let very kind total strangers (hi Twitter people ! you’re obviously not total strangers now!!) read it it took me months to build up the courage.
My blog’s Facebook page was sat there idle with no posts on for weeks. Gradually I started to transfer posts over , waiting for the day I’d be brave enough to press publish.
It doesn’t sound very brave I know , sharing a few hundred words of my thoughts to a few people online. The thing is sharing my feelings doesn’t come very easily to me. In fact that last sentence was THE biggest understatement ever. My personal comfort zone is a one woman closed book emotionally. I find it nigh on impossible to talk about my feelings*shudder*. …even typing that is bringing me out in a rash. My cosy happy place is just drifting through life with no one ever asking me a personal question or asking me how I’m feeling. I’m emotionally uptight and really struggle to express myself about anything meaningful verbally. Writing is a bit different though, always has been. I still write letters for goodness sakes, with handwriting and stamps and everything for exactly that reason.
Whilst I was sharing my stories and thoughts and opinions with strangers it was relatively easy. They didn’t know me and I wasn’t going to bump into them at the shops just after I’d bared my soul so it felt safe. Comfort zone remained mainly in tact. These strangers though were so kind with their words , they told me their stories and I felt like I was maybe even helping a tiny bit in a tiny way.
I was really worried that when I shared my ramblings people would tell me to go away with my egocentric waffling and off the wall punctuation. No one has yet though. Everyone has been so supportive and I’m so grateful.
Since I took the step though. Since I tiptoed out of my comfort zone so many positives have come from it.
My little blog has had way more views than ever before.
This post has become my most viewed ever and it makes me proud I was brave enough to share it. It’s the one that has struck a chord with women who’ve been through a similar journey to me and if it’s helped anyone feel even a tiny bit better or comforted then I’m bloody humbled by that.
So I suppose what I’m trying to say is that on this occasion doing something that made me feel a bit uncomfortable and a bit scared turned into a positive thing. Leaving my comfort zone was actually quite empowering!
I’m going to step out of my cosy place more often.
I’m going to force myself to do scary things.
I’m going to dream a bit bigger.
Have a bit more belief in myself.
Of course safe to say I’ll document it all here .After all,the emotionally stifled woman riddled with self doubt and self criticism seems to have been replaced with someone who overshares with the whole internet!
My Facebook blog page is here