The 7 stages of being a parent home alone

When you have children the house without them in it is a really odd feeling. I know that some people never get the chance at this and I do know how lucky I am that I do,I promise.

When the planets align though and you end up home alone for a few hours or even a whole day or even a few days as I am this week there are a few stages this weird phenomenon goes through.

Stage One : Giddy
There’s no one in this house!! What shall I do first? Catch up on crap TV, read a book, eat all the sweets?
I know, a bath! In the daytime, with no one needing the loo midway through. This is going to be awesome. I’m having it super hot too as I know small girl won’t be hopping in. I’m going to use my best Lush stuff, take a book in even a cup of tea. In fact balls to tea, I’m taking a glass of wine – so excited!

Stage Two : Embracing Peace And Quiet
Out of the bath, cosy, tranquil. So very relaxed. I’m just going to lay here on the sofa with a trashy mag.
Ahhhh this is the life… Just close my eyes and listen to the silence…
SHIT! SHIT! SHIT!
What day is it?
What time is it?
Where the hell are the kids?
How long have I been asleep?
OK, look at the time to discover what what you thought was a Sleeping Beauty type 100 year sleep was actually just a ten minute power nap.

Stage Three : Rebellion
OK, what to have for dinner?
Remember that you don’t have to be a role model. No one can see you, no one will ever know!
Twirl and a bag of hula hoops it is.

Stage Four : Wondering how the kids are.
Aaaww hope they’re OK.
Might just give them a quick ring.. no that’d be a bit needy. Maybe a text would be OK. Send a ‘hope you’re having fun’ text, breezy and casual.
Wonder when they’ll answer….
leading to…

Stage Five : Twitchiness
No one’s still responding to my text, hope everyone is OK.
Done relaxing now, I’ll have a tidy up. Hmm that didn’t take long with no children. I’ll tidy the kitchen drawers, been meaning to do that for ages. I’ll do some baking for when the kids get back..
What next? and why has no one yet answered my text? maybe I should ring.

Stage Six : The Return
Yay! The kids are back!!
So great to see them. Let’s play some board games, watch a movie??
Aaww I love all my family all home together….

Stage Seven : Yearning
Bicker bicker bicker
Argue argue argue
“mum she’s breathing in my ear”
“mum he just sat on my foot on purpose ”
” It’s MY turn”
“mum tell him”
“what’s for tea? ”
” you always take her side”

Oh…what I wouldn’t do for 5 mins peace and quiet….
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