I certainly am with the little things.
Tidy your rooms ( whilst my room is anything but)
No you cannot have chocolate as a snack ( mumbled through a mouthful of wispa)
No drinks in the living room ( said as I’m curling up on the sofa , mug of tea in hand)
These are all ok though aren’t they?? I’m just trying to instil good habits in them …and save another spilt drink on the carpet. There’s nothing too bad in it. After all I’m a grown up? I choose to have a bag of Malteasers for breakfast then I know I’ll be hungry half hour later. I know if I’ve left a pair of shoes on my bedroom floor the likelihood is I will trip over them at bedtime. I’m able to make my own decisions ,the little people need a bit of guidance.
How about the bigger things though?
Bone of contention between me and the eldest at the minute is his English GCSE. He’s just gone into year 11 and has his ‘expected grades’ list. He’s a hard worker is J , always done well at school.He’s motivated and driven and really wants to do well. He’s picked out his uni course already. Science and Maths are his ‘thing’. He loves these lessons because he has a genuine interest in them. English??No. He reads ,a lot. He enjoys writing. The actual English GCSE though? He sees it as something he just has to get on with and once he starts sixth form will never have to do again.
His predicted grade for English is still good just lower than his others. His teacher says if he puts the work in he could raise it easily by the time exams come around. The problem is he doesn’t want to. He says he’d be happy with the grade he is at now. He’ll settle for that
I must confess here and now I am a pushy mother , I’m not even apologetic about it anymore. People can judge me for it but I want the kids to suck the life out of school , get every last drop out of it. They’re so lucky to have this chance and never again in your life will you be surrounded by so many people who want to get the best out of you. I do push I always have , not in an aggressive bootcampy way. I just want these children to have the best chance once they get out in the world and whether that’s teaching them tolerance and how to treat people or ensuring they study , well it all counts in my book.
When then with 9 months to go until exam time J tells me he’s happy ‘to settle’ with his grade I feel a bit uncomfy. I never want the children to ‘settle ‘ for anything. I want them to strive. Here I where I am the hugest hypocrite. I am the worlds worst settler.
I’ve not had a boyfriend in 7 years. I’m sure if I was willing to put the work into dating and work at it someone would come along but I can’t really be bothered . This weekend for example I’ve no children home. I could’ve lined up a date , made an effort. I haven’t though. I’m more excited about spending Saturday night cuddled up with a bottle of wine and watching Doctor Who. I’ve settled for my own company.
Where we live was meant to be a temporary place.When we ran from the abusive relationship this was our little bolt hole. A quiet area ,out of the way, until we decided to move. I’ve settled here though ,no desire to move away from our cosy safe haven.
So maybe when I’m nagging the kids to ‘dream big’ and strive and never settle whilst I’m doing none of these things ,maybe that’s a million miles away from not allowing chocolate for breakfast.
As I always say , my parenting is flawed. I am here doing my best,making it up as I go along. Sometimes though there are occasions where preaching isn’t enough and you have to lead from the front
I think this is one of them.
Where to start….