If I were to tell the truth on dating sites…

I contemplated giving the whole internet dating thing a go a while back , it didn’t work. Turns out I don’t have the patience to weed out the knobheads. I often play with the idea of giving it another go , but then I snap out of it. Wouldn’t it be refreshing though to read a profile without all the cliches and lines. A brutally honest this is who I am type thing.

I think mine would read like this:

Name: NOT sweetheart/love/babe/princess

Body Type: Wobbly. Huge arse. Boobs that should NEVER be seen braless.

Drinks: never/socially/heavily depends on what kinda bloody day I’ve had!

Hobbies: Theatre and eating out ALONE

More about me
Am mentally sound most of the time , but when I veer to the wrong side of sane it’s not pretty . I’ve many emotional problems including being incapable of both intimacy and falling in love.
I have the table manners expectations of a Victorian lady. Lick your knife or speak with food in your mouth and I will leave the restaurant instantly never to be seen again.
I love crap TV and fantastic books.
Famously indecisive, incapable of talking about feelings *shudders*, bottler upper , compliment averse.
I find myself hilarious, I’m the only one but hey! Talk to myself often.
I haven’t had a man in my bed in so long so please don’t assume any of those shenanigans will be going on. They probably won’t.

Honestly I am A CATCH!!

What I’m looking for:
A chatterer
Makes a good cuppa
Patience of a Saint
Pizza bringer
Oh and you mustn’t be a total knobhead. Though I fear if you are a total knobhead you won’t realise you are a total knobhead, you probably think you’re a right charmer! Hmmmm send me 500 words on why you’re not a knobhead and we’ll take it from there!

No emojis , use of the word banter or shortening of my name without permission.

Cannot wait to hear from you!!

Petite Pudding

14 thoughts on “If I were to tell the truth on dating sites…

  1. Best love ad ever. You’ll have them flocking! 😉
    Seriously, it must be so hard the whole online dating game. You’re very brave and I love that you’re able to find the funny side of it all.
    Hope you find Mr ‘Pizza giver/giggler/never uses the word banter’ Right.x

    Liked by 1 person

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