Firstly I’m aware you probably wouldn’t be able to read this. You’ve not slept properly in 3 years and your eyes are probably blurry with tiredness. In fact the only reason they’re open at all is because even a threat of your eyes shutting invokes a child shouting mummy/crying /throwing a tantrum /tripping over/vomiting.
Here’s the good news.
You’ll never be this tired again.
The kids learn to sleep and you perfect the art of the power nap.
In the mean time I know you feel guilty about putting the baby in her moses basket and getting the toddlers in your bed for an afternoon nap but don’t. It’s necessary. It’s as necessary to keep yourself ticking over as it is to keep the kids fed and happy.
Everything that you’re beating yourself up about is pointless. Dummies, late potty training, weaning, failing spectacularly at controlled crying, cuddling on demand. None of these are going to do the children any long term damage. Strange eh??
I know that they all seem such huge massive massive things but the day will come where you realise you were worrying over nothing.
L is 15 today you’ll never guess what?? He doesn’t have a dummy AND he drinks out of a glass. He gave up the precious bottle that caused you so much stress.
You’re so concerned you can’t split your time between the three of then, but your method of ‘doing the best I can’ that’s pretty effective, don’t worry. The staggered bedtime strategy you came up with to ensure each child gets at least some one on one time every day is brilliant.
You’re doing a good job. You won’t believe me of course because there’s a much louder, bigger voice telling you that you are the worst mum to walk the earth. Every. Single. Day.
There’s the elephant in the room.
This life you’re living now?
It’s not forever.
I know you’ve accepted this as your lot. That this toxic, abusive relationship with that man will be how you end your days.
You think there’s a possibility your days will actually end at his hands. On the darkest days you wish he’d just do it and quickly and end this.
Right now the prospect of a happy family life is not even on your radar. You’re emotionally numb and so very mentally wounded. He’s taken your mind and your hope.
One day though you’ll be living just you and the kids.
You’ll all be happy and content.
Home will be calm.
Life will be so, so good.
You’ll all be free.
It’s going to be a rough road I won’t lie. You’ll have to keep proving yourself, you’ll be endlessly tested and will need every bit of resolve you have. You’ll do it though.
You’re stronger than you can even begin to imagine yet.
Lots of love,
Ps baby no. 4 – She’ll rock your world in the most incredible way.
You’ll be totally soft though and break all the parenting rules you set yourself with the elder 3!!
That’s all OK too though.
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