#Blogtober day 2 -A note to the me with 3 under 3.

Dear Kelly,
Firstly I’m aware you probably wouldn’t be able to read this. You’ve not slept properly in 3 years and your eyes are probably blurry with tiredness. In fact the only reason they’re open at all is because even a threat of your eyes shutting invokes a child shouting mummy/crying /throwing a tantrum /tripping over/vomiting.

Here’s the good news.

You’ll never be this tired again.
The kids learn to sleep and you perfect the art of the power nap.

In the mean time I know you feel guilty about putting the baby in her moses basket and getting the toddlers in your bed for an afternoon nap but don’t. It’s necessary. It’s as necessary to keep yourself ticking over as it is to keep the kids fed and happy.

Everything that you’re beating yourself up about is pointless. Dummies, late potty training, weaning, failing spectacularly at controlled crying, cuddling on demand. None of these are going to do the children any long term damage. Strange eh??
I know that they all seem such huge massive massive things but the day will come where you realise you were worrying over nothing.

L is 15 today you’ll never guess what?? He doesn’t have a dummy AND he drinks out of a glass. He gave up the precious bottle that caused you so much stress.

You’re so concerned you can’t split your time between the three of then, but your method of ‘doing the best I can’ that’s pretty effective, don’t worry. The staggered bedtime strategy you came up with to ensure each child gets at least some one on one time every day is brilliant.

You’re doing a good job. You won’t believe me of course because there’s a much louder, bigger voice telling you that you are the worst mum to walk the earth. Every. Single. Day.

There’s the elephant in the room.

This life you’re living now?
It’s not forever.
I know you’ve accepted this as your lot. That this toxic, abusive relationship with that man will be how you end your days.
You think there’s a possibility your days will actually end at his hands. On the darkest days you wish he’d just do it and quickly and end this.

Right now the prospect of a happy family life is not even on your radar. You’re emotionally numb and so very mentally wounded. He’s taken your mind and your hope.

One day though you’ll be living just you and the kids.
You’ll all be happy and content.
Home will be calm.
Life will be so, so good.
You’ll all be free.

It’s going to be a rough road I won’t lie. You’ll have to keep proving yourself, you’ll be endlessly tested and will need every bit of resolve you have. You’ll do it though.

You’re stronger than you can even begin to imagine yet.

I promise.

Lots of love,
Kelly xxx

Ps baby no. 4 – She’ll rock your world in the most incredible way.
You’ll be totally soft though and break all the parenting rules you set yourself with the elder 3!!
That’s all OK too though. You’ve got this!


My Facebook page is here

#Blogtober17














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49 thoughts on “#Blogtober day 2 -A note to the me with 3 under 3.

      1. Part of me is looking forward to having a bunch of teenagers (i.e. epic hiking/backpacking trips and other grown-up fun). But I’m not totally looking forward to the boy-trouble/girl-trouble part of having two beautiful daughters and an athletic son.

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  1. Oh my goodness. 3 children sounds tough enough, without an abusive husband on top of that. I am so so glad you got out. I truly hope you and your family are safe and happy. What an inspiring post, this is something that should be shared with womens shelters or something, honestly it is a really thought provoking read. Thank you so much for sharing and linking up with #fortheloveofBLOG.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I love this post so much, it was one I needed to read today. I think somehow we all have a way at times of convincing ourselves that however hard we try it is not enough. But we are enough. All of us. I’m so glad your life is better now, and you have found peace for you and your children. Today I will worry a little less about the dummy, about the co-sleeping and the fact I pick Number Two up at the slightest moan. You are so right at 14 he will not want any of those things. Thank you so much for sharing this with us at #PostsFromTheHeart

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  3. This really hot home with me. I think as mums, it means so much when someone can say to you ” you’re doing a good job” (even if it is yourself saying it to yourself several years later!). As a mum in the middle of the small child stage, your post gives me perspective. Thank you! And I’m so glad that you’ve been able to include that last bit about being free of that toxic relationship. #blogcrush

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  4. Aw this is so fab!I don’t know how you managed 3 kids under 3, I have enough issues with 1!!lol
    Its good to know that everything we worry about all turns out fine though:) xxx

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  5. You sound like a very strong woman, it’s always tough with little ones, and to escape an abusive relationship too. I hope you have good support around you. It’s tough but you sound like you are doing a good job and you know that the difficult times will pass. I wish you and your children every happiness for the future. xx
    #BlogCrush

    Liked by 1 person

  6. I’m so glad you found your freedom. I wish I could take advice from my future self. Tell myself that I deserve a break, that I’m worth it. I do tell myself that Chops won’t have a dummy when he’s 18 though, I can see that one coming true! #BlogCrush x

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    1. Yes, problem is it’s way easier to do in hindsight I guess with years of proper sleep under your belt and everyone being able to go to the toilet alone!! You do certainly deserve a break though!!

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  7. #dreamteam i read this and thought it was a clear message of ‘you are enough’ there three none glam words that i think are so crucial to our mental wellbeing and prosperity. i loved reading it x

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  8. I had tears reading this, it’s so beautiful. All the way I was willing you to have been able to see this letter all those years back. Hats off for 3 under 3, but I don’t have the words for 3 under 3 plus an elephant. I am so relieved to hear that you are all safe and well, with years (?) of happiness under your belts now. #DreamTeam xx

    Liked by 1 person

  9. What a brilliant remarkable letter to yourself. You must have been to the back and beyond! 3 under 3 is remarkable btw!! Go mama xx ‪Thank you for linking up to the #familyfunlinky‬

    Liked by 1 person

  10. I feel your pain – I had three under two (twins) and remember thinking I would never get through it but you do. Thankfully mine are now 13 and 12 (twins) and can feed themselves and are toilet trained so life is much easier x

    Liked by 1 person

    1. It’s amazing the difference being able to go to the loo on their own makes….and eating …and dressing themselves! Thank heavens for teenagers!!

      Liked by 1 person

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