A promise to my fabulous first born.

Dear J,

You were right.

When you told me that you had a revision timetable set up for your mock exams. When you told me you’d signed up for which revision sessions you thought you needed to attend. That you were working at the subjects you felt needed an extra push. When you told me that actually you knew better than I did about how you revise best.

You were right.

You’ve done so well in your mocks and I’m so very proud. I hope you know that. I think you do.

Let me make you a promise.

In these coming months leading up to your exams, I’ll back off a bit. I’ll trust your judgement. I’ll not pile on unnecessary pressure and I’ll try (you know how hard this is for me) to be less of a pushy mum.
I’ll be here. If you want me to test you or go through revision notes or read through anything. I’ll be here if you just want to sound off about your day. If you want to talk about football or movies because you are fed up of hearing about exams. If you fancy a Harry Potter marathon or to sit and watch some sport I’ll not question why you’re not working.

I promise.

I think I’ve finally learnt where the middle ground is!

The thing is J, being the eldest means you’re my first attempt at every  aspect of parenting! I’d barely been around a baby until you came along. You’re the boy who taught me to be mum. Having no parents myself by the time I had my own children meant I had no one to ask about my parenting queries. Being mummy is the hardest, scariest role you can ever have to learn ‘on the job’. It was just you, me and half a dozen parenting manuals.

I’ve gotten it wrong sometimes. I mean I’ve never left you on the bus or forgot to feed you or taken you to school to find its an inset day.. Oh OK yes I did do the last one. I’ve slipped up sometimes, but I’ve always been trying to be the best mum I can, I hope you’ll look back and think I did a good job.

I was a bit (OK OK a lot humour me) pushy with your exams and your schoolwork at the start of this school year. I just wanted you to do as well as possible, you’re bloody brilliant, so very talented and I got a bit carried away. I thought I knew best. I didn’t. You did.

You have my word I’ll back off.

I mean, don’t get any daft ideas. I’ll still stick my nose in. I’ll still annoy you about keeping to your revision timetable but in a less in your face, control freaky way.

I promise.

Just in case I haven’t said it enough. I’m so enormously proud of you. When you elder 3 were babies people would delight in telling me how horrible it would be when you were all teenagers. You’ve proved them wrong. You’ve made my first shot at parenting a teenager fun and easy, honestly you have.

You don’t need pushy mum on your back. You’ve kind of got things under control and you’ve the motivation that I envy.

Besides your brother starts his GCSEs in September, your sister the year after. My pushy mumminess (yes made up word I know) is going to have to be split 3 ways so you’ll be safe!

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